The Tales of Cherry-Blossom

2011... Dancing in the storm, looking at the rainbow!!!

2011-12-30T15:49:00.013+02:00

The thing about writing/journaling/blogging (at least for me) is that you just can’t do it for the sake of doing it– you have to be in the right frame of mind and for instance in the case of journaling, that pen must literally be calling your name… I thought I would fit in another 2 articles while I was in Malawi – at least I had planned it that way – but the creative juices weren’t flowing…
I have just returned from Malawi after a quick 2 week break! Kicking myself at not having stayed there longer, yet in the past few days been reminded of how wonderful Christmastime in Cape Town can be too, having not been here the past 3 years. I guess this will always be the dilemma in my life – torn between 2 (and often-times more) places… The wandering soul that I am.

I loved this last trip and leaving just totally yanked my heart! The sole purpose of the trip was to be there for my childhood best friend’s wedding! A wedding I would never have missed. When you have walked your whole life journey with someone that close along side, they are too much a part of your life and certain moments must be shared! I loved the whole experience! Having left when I was only 11 years old, in my grown up life, I have never been to a Malawian wedding and this was such a treat(as a kid my mother always sold me off to weddings as a flower girl – weddings of people I didn’t even know!)! First was the Send off the Saturday before – which I really appreciated - a gathering of about 200 people, an occasion of gift swapping and an occasion of receiving counsel from other couples…

But my favourite part had to be the Friday night before the wedding where we went and gave her away! It was more symbolic than anything else. My friend’s husband comes from the North and in their tradition apparently the bride must be given to the family. The bride to be, myself and her cousins as her fellow maidens, were draped in chitenjes waist down with another chitenje covering our heads! Needless to say we found this hilarious. Zee and I giggled as we walked alongside each other not seeing where we were going as we were led by a lady bearing a plate which Zee had to present to whoever she had to present to. We were clueless as to what was going on and were merely following instructions as given to us. I remember the panic in Zee’s voice when she thought I had strayed too far away from her… We really needed each other. We were led to a mat and instructed not to sit until we were told to do so – we had to kneel! I don’t know how long we were kneeling for but it was too long – we were getting fidgety and restless, knees, ankles and necks hurting… But they finally had mercy on us and told us to sit… And shortly after that we were led to another room and we had some food! And then we snuck out ‘so we could get an ‘early’ night before the wedding’. But what an incredible cultural experience. The wedding went off beautifully the next day just as it should have and I know Zee had the wedding of her dreams and what an honour to have been part of it all!

Because the wedding took placein a part of Malawi that I had never been to – Mzuzu, it gave me an opportunity to be a tourist in my own country! I arrived in Blantyre, right in the South. A few days later I made my way to Lilongwe in the centre – about 4 hours drive and carried on further north a few days after to Mzuzu. And what a beautiful part of Malawi – really lush and inviting!!! And I believe it gets even better the further north one goes – I have earmarked this for my next trip!!! I love that Malawi is still so unspoilt - you see a lot of this when you move out of the city. I do love that country of mine and its wonderful people – had an awesome time of reconnecting with friends and family who I hadn’t seen in years, and meeting little cousins I had never met before – my life just keeps getting richer! Of course I am hoping for a change in leadership very soon – we have such a lovely country that, poor as it may be in wealth, is rich in humanity – it has so much potential yet some greedy people want to run it down… I hope that those that have remained in Malawi will fight for our country and those of us scattered around the world support them in whatever way we can…

And so I find myself sitting and reflecting on 2011 and that finally gave me urge to write… 2011, a year I have loved literally every day though people might expect me to say otherwise because it threw me one big curve ball… I successfully survived my first year of working for myself – this recipe totally works for me – but I guess what helps more is that I have the most wonderful clients that make it such a pleasure to work with… That was definitely the right choice for me much as I sometime miss the corporate intellect! I do one thing every year that scares me and this year was no different – this year I ran my first Marathon – the Cape Town Marathon – and I loved every minute of it – a real proud moment given the fact that I hadn’t even completed my training – still had 2 months to go, and had recently received some not so nice news about my health. I have loved every Wednesday afternoon of the year as I get to have a play date with my gorgeous Godchild – watching her personality develop this past year has been so enriching - she is a little character of note and an energizer bunny and just feeds me so much! Friday evenings raising glasses, friends weddings and new babies born, walks on the beach, early morning surfs and late evening sunset runs, braais and lazy moments in the sun, winter that never came, work networking breakfasts, skype sessions with family and friends from afar, little children’s giggles, quiet moments at Kirstenbosch, couch moments with wonderful books, bake-athons, experimenting in the kitchen… This is what 2011 was made of… 2011 has been filled with nothing but happy moments (barring one which I will get into). When you are surrounded by the people I am surrounded by (not just in CT but worldwide ), and have the pleasure of living in one of the most beautiful cities in the world, and able to do the things you love in nature, you really have to look hard to find something to complain about when it comes to life. I am because you are and the world is! I have learnt to really acknowledge that I am blessed – no denying that and I make sure I say my thank Yous for all these blessing!

But I had one defining moment this year… It came on 2 September when my Doctor gave me some bad news about aliens that were growing inside of me – this was officially the unhappy moment! I knew it was coming, it had been a 5 year journey – though it had never affected my life in any way, in fact I often forgot about it; but what I heard that day no-one had ever prepared me for. However, the rainbow I saw that afternoon shortly after my visit to the Doctor softened the blow (I have a deal with God about rainbows). After seeing the Doctor I sat in the car and cried and cried and when I thought there were no more tears, I cried some more! In retrospect, that was one good cry (and every girl needs a good cry every now and then – in fact we should have a quarterly prescription of good cries)!!! But the next morning I woke up and looked at myself - realizing that I still had 2 legs, 2 arms, 2 eyes, all my teeth etc. Nothing of my exterior told of the story that was going on inside… And I remember thinking, I am still me, nothing has changed, I may have funny things growing inside me but I am still me, not incapacitated in any way. And so I put on my running gear, grabbed my ipod, a new day, and in that moment, I returned to being 100% me and have remained that since then– ripe, juicy, succulent and whole… I made my peace with the new cup in life and I was ok with it –in fact, I started seeing the positives of it (if you look hard enough, there always is a positive)! It was another Doctor’s opinion a few days after the first Doctor that changed everything – I call him the Hope Bearer… With a different approach, an assurance that it wasn’t all doom and gloom and we had a few options, and just a whole bag of hope, he recommended a new kind of surgery and a few days before my 32nd birthday it happened (I am still bleak that I missed the overnight hike that weekend!)… I liked that it coincided with my birthday – a new beginning in more than one way, a new and exciting chapter of life… As I left the hospital I literally saw a ray of hope as I looked at the mountain – I heard it too, deep inside – that small still Voice. It was all over, it was a new beginning… And life has changed since then. Hope restored, and totally feeling like a new person. (Medically it isn't over yet, but I know that it will one day be over, so I have decided it's over already!) One day, I will tell this story in it’s entirety – it would be selfish of me keep it to myself - it's too beautiful not to share - and I believe I need to honour the Author of the story!

What carried me through that time??? Faith. Hope. Love… Faith… in my God – who has been so faithful to me all lifelong – I knew He wasn’t about to leave me, He showed up far too many times for me to even begin panicking. I knew He has my back so I could face this challenge. To show off, he even threw another rainbow into the sky the morning of my surgery! Hope… It was a recipe my Doctor and I concocted. He was the bearer of hope. I walked with hope in one hand, reality in another. No wonder I call this Chapter of my life Hope (the chapter beyond my surgery that is) … And above all LOVE!!! Love in all its different forms is just beautiful… For once I allowed myself to be vulnerable and allowed love to come in however, and whatever form it wanted. It was beautiful. I realized how so often, being the free spirit I am I have learnt to be self sufficient and even control how I receive love. I took a step back and allowed others to take a step forward and show me their love however they wanted to - I allowed myself to receive - and that in itself was rewarding. I truly am loved beyond my ability to comprehend – family and friends who totally rock my world. I guess the short of it is that this life defining moment had the potential to be the worst thing for me this year… But it turned out to be the most beautiful thing to have happened to me… No wonder when my friend gave me a placard that, as she said, reminded her of me, which says ‘life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain’, I knew she had given it to the right person as she said ‘I don’t know anyone who knows how to dance in the rain the way you do’! Trace, that was a dance and a half in the storm and I wouldn’t change any of it! The moment I saw the rainbows I knew it was over! I came out of it a richer person!

But above all, encompassing all that happened in 2011 and everyone that has been a part of it, it has been a year in which I continued to grow and learn about me and embrace all the woman I am! With each passing year of my life (calendar year and my personal year since they are almost aligned) I realize how much I hold within myself… The older I get the more I just love everything I am becoming and what my life is - am becoming the very woman I ever hoped I’d become… I guess I had to get there to realize that this is where I was meant to be and be the woman I was meant to be and I know am not done yet - the journey continues. The extra-ordinary seems to call out my name, the adventure seems to call out my name… My life is exactly as it should be and I wouldn’t have it any other way! (And as I write this am now thinking of a song I learnt as a Kid -'If I were a butterfly'... the line that comes to mind right now is 'But I just thank you Father for making me, me...' How true those words are for me now, even as a big kid in my 30s, I am so glad am me!)

And so as I think 2012, I have a huge grin on my face!!! So many possibilities lie ahead! Like far too many – at least according to my planning! 2012 I think is going to be another year of adventure… For the past few days I have been thinking of the exciting plans lined up for me for this coming year… But funny, each time I think of them I keep getting this nudging feeling that life may well be planning something else for me… Eeeek and yay at the same time!!! As the saying goes, ‘if you want to make God laugh, plan your life’… I guess He has tears rolling down His face from laughter if anything is to go by, and in fact, He's probably even rolling on the floor!!! Well, am just human ok! But am cool with that! We gonna do this together, me and life. We will work hand in hand… But the short of it is that the thought of 2012 just leaves all of me smiling… And I invite you to come with me…

Love for my country in the time of a fuel crisis

2011-12-10T08:36:00.009+02:00

You would think that because I come here on an annual basis by now there was nothing more left for me to find amusing – especially given that I also spent the first 11 years of my life here. But what I find amusing is that with each trip I find something more amusing about this country. And this is only day 3!!!

Yesterday I had a truly wonderful day (aside the fuel issue which I will get to). As with every trip, I make a point of visiting my grandparents (now reduced to 2 as opposed to the 3 since my grandfather died earlier this year). My Aunt came along with me and we chatted on the quick 50 minute drive to Mulanje where you find Malawi’s highest mountain, Mulanje Mountain which peaks at 3002m at Sapitwa Peak (destination for my next trip). I love the approach towards Mulanje– the mountain in all its glory greets you first. Chatting to my aunt I asked her a very random question – talking about my grandmother’s house – which is ancient, I asked her if this was the house they had lived in all their lives… As she started to tell me the story I was led to ask a question I that had never crossed my mind. My grandfather died in 1972 before my brothers and I were born. I guess as a kid it never crossed my mind to find out more about him – in fact it has never crossed my mind at all to find out about him I guess because he hasn’t featured in my life though I have visited his grave… But then I asked a question that open up my world if only a little more – ‘what did your dad do?’. I found out that my grandfather was a mechanic. Mulanje borders Thyolo, Thyolo being Malawi’s biggest producer of Tea. He apparently used to work in the Tea factories on the machinery there. So I asked if he used to commute to which she replied ‘no’. And then went on to tell me that in fact they used to live in Thyolo as little girls! A fact in my life I didn’t know about my mum’s childhood. I had assumed all along that they had lived in the same house forever and ever amen. And apparently back then, this part of the world they lived in wasn’t as rural as it is now – I guess with the Tea production there was some sort of economy! And it turns out that while my grandfather was building the house, he died – and it never really was completed after that though it still stands firmly… And she told me so much more! Never too late to learn about one’s family I guess!

Getting to my gran always humbles me. I am one of them, yet I get special treatment – because am ‘aku Town’ (from the city) – so they feel they need to feed you the ‘best’ food, and just treat you as special as they can – in my case my grandmother rushed off to change into her Sunday best. Aside my mum and one aunt, the rest of their sisters remained in the rural area and carried on the life that is. And yesterday was the first time in my grown up life I found myself in the presence of my mum’s 3 sister and grandmother all together. I couldn’t help but think that my mum was missing from this gathering and just as quickly as I thought, I realized I was, in this case, representing my mum. I wanted to bottle that moment and I also hoped she saw that... And as always my grandmother had us in stitches. It was just a magical afternoon and I realized why – I included myself in it. I came to the realization that due to my self-consciousness of speaking my language (because someone once laughed at my pronunciation), I exclude myself because I choose not to say anything for the fear of not using the right words, not knowing the right words, not pronouncing words correctly, getting my grammar wrong and simply having a funny accent. I will confess my Chichewa doesn't leave much to be desired for and over the years I have chosen to hide behind it. This time round I have allowed myself to be a bit more vulnerable – and that makes all the difference – I speak it and no longer feel self conscious about it. I guess the more you speak it the more it comes back in its entirety... While most people in Malawi even in the rural areas can speak basic English, I must confess that by virtue of simply getting out of my comfort zone and speaking Chichewa more I have done myself a massive favour and I like it!

What I also found really amusing was that despite our arriving there at about 14h00, they made us lunch. I made an observation which I thought was really interesting. When they brought the food into the lounge some of the people that had been sitting there left the room. They sat right outside the door in the passage, close enough to carry on conversing with the 4 of us that were left in the room. I wondered if this was a sign of respect. That while you are eating they leave you but yet stay close enough to have a conversation. I found it strange but beautiful that people could have a conversation though not in the same room – and without raising voices too. I watched my one cousin who was sitting right by the door outside the lounge and how she was very much into the conversation – yes there was no eye communication. Soon as we finished eating they cleared the dishes and returned into the lounge for more conversation. My grandmother to this day refuses to sit on a chair – only on the floor – she has a special sack-cloth she lays out and sit on. Maybe this is where I get my obsession of sitting on the floor from. Just like her, I would rather sit on the floor any day than a chair!
It’s always such a treat going to the village. The little kids, usually dirty from playing always so curious – they want to sit next to you, to pose for a pic, to get in your car, they just want to get a glimpse of another world that is probably far beyond their imagination.

I had the most beautiful drive back to Blantyre. I drove alone. At sunset… With the last rays of the sun throwing themselves at the tippie top of Mulanje Mountain. The view was totally breathtaking. There is something about that mountain that just totally feeds and completes my soul… I took every moment in! It was just me and all that beautiful scenery in that moment, and that was enough. A most enjoyable drive which I felt would not be complete without Eddie Vedder – long road, better days… Kids running alongside the road, cyclists with heavy loads, people selling things, and occasionally, a busy area full of minibuses and chaos. This is Africa (but then again South East Asia is just like this)…And driving back it sank in all over again – this is home. And no matter where I go in life, no matter how big or small a person I may be, no matter what country I may find myself living in, no matter what happens to this country, this is home – and it always will be.

‘It’s dry’. Normally when I hear that phrase I think of Savannah, a cider. The slogan for the cider is ‘it’s dry, but you can drink it’. Well, this (it’s dry) has become a commonly used phrase in Malawi in recent days – not referring to a beverage but rather to the unavailability of fuel i.e. there is no fuel in my car or there is no fuel at the station. It’s dry.
While I may have read about the fuel crisis before I came here, reading about it is one thing, experiencing it in real life is another. This year for me has been about familiarizing myself with the socio/political-economic situation in my country. And it’s not great – it has seen better days. Fuel crisis, lack of forex, shortage of raw material, power outages. And a hint of a political shake up which in my opinion is most welcome and long overdue. Malawians are at most times happy go lucky people – I love this about my people. Give them a leader who is doing a decent job, you have a most peaceful and relatively content people. But often we have also just sat and watched when things weren’t quite what they should be… But this year the people of Malawi decided that they needed to be heard. It’s early days but I think it’s only the beginning. Time for people to stand their ground instead of letting the greedy and those in denial run away with our beautiful country that has so much to offer, filled with amazing people. Africa, what is it about your leaders???

It saddened my heart the day I arrived at the airport - as we drove home literally at every Petrol station there were cars queued up for probably up to say maybe 1.5km - people queue at the slightest hint that fuel may be delivered at the respective petrol station. I was shocked when I saw one petrol station with several ambulances in the queue. Seriously. And then it was my turn to experience the frustration of this first hand. I had hired a car to go see my grandmother. I had booked the car at least 3 weeks before my departure and even so, confirmed 2 days before my arrival. Upon arrival I contacted them at which I was told ‘we have the car but there is no fuel’… Er, what good is a car to me if there is no fuel? And so started the marathon calls trying to see if I could make an alternative plan – all morning… Friends were phoning around for me to see if they could find some too… I have now, in just a matter of 2 days gotten accustomed to the fuel queues. Getting used to them doesn’t mean it doesn’t bother me, it troubles me A LOT… But I guess our leaders have also gotten used to the queues… I wonder what it does to them.

The implications of this crisis are dire. The economy is doing a bit of a Jack and Jill… Fuel, is a big component of the economy but apparently it starts with the forex problem – we can’t afford the petrol. There is a forex problem because the powers that be are sticking their tongues out to donors. Public transport is suffering – that public transport by the way is someone’s livelihood. Petrol stations are someone else’s livelihood too. That child that needs to get to the hospital might not make it in time because there is no fuel in the ambulance – or his parent’s car. The same for that pregnant woman who’s gone into labour and baby is at risk. Food is more expensive. Will you really sort this fuel crisis by January Mister Minister?

Malawi has a lot of potential. Many people are passionate about this country. We may be poor in wealth but we are rich in, above all, humanity as well as in our beautiful landscapes, in our beautiful lake… Nothing will ever take my love for this country away, my roots go far too deep… And maybe one day I will have the guts to fight for my country. For now, I still marvel at its beauty and its people and what it brings into my life…

Dear Mister President… Come take a walk with me…

Ticking one more thing off the list! Woop woop!

2011-09-25T18:11:00.011+02:00

So why all the fuss when lots of people around the world finish Marathons on a weekly or monthly basis? In fact some run that same distance as part of their training??? Well, I think its simple - while I may have been born with an adventurous gene, I was by no means born with a running gene - running is something I have made work for me, not a natural ability (sometimes I question if it is in fact natural for man to run such abnormal distances!) - but that said I love running! So when I put 'running a marathon' on my to do list a couple of years back I don't think I was serious - a 'life-long to do' list is a wishlist after all right? And in fact what made me put on my list was the 2 Oceans Ultra Marathon - The Worlds most scenic (and far as am concerned, beautiful) marathon... But that isn't even a marathon, it's an Ultra... I think I decided for myself that even if I never did the 2 Oceans Ultra, I should still try to do a marathon of some sort. And so I parked it there as tends to happen to most things on the 'my to do' list. By the way, I have just never taken to the term 'bucket list' - I have no idea why...

Having bagged 11 consecutive half marathons of the above mentioned marathon, somehow this year I decided it was time for change. Am not sure if this was also because I thought of how every Easter I have to be in CT to do the half Marathon (2 Oceans is always held over the Easter weekend) or whether I just thought I needed to move on. You would think I would decide that was it in terms of running but I decided 'let's do a marathon'! Yup, that was in June this year. Slap bang in the middle of winter.

So I got my little Adidas MiCoach interactive training gadget, a little thing that clips on to my shorts, with a heart rate monitor and stride sensor and programmed my training programme. I decided to call my coach 'Charlie' - when I heard the voice for the first time it just sounded like a Charlie. And so Charlie and I began our journey. I endured early mornings in the dark, often reprimanded for doing this. There were days I hated Charlie, we argued and he just never understood that I could not speed up when I was going uphill. The first few weeks I really wondered if I would ever get to run a marathon or finish the programme. Other days I wished for an injury or a cold to use as an excuse not run. Neither came to be. I stuck to my programme religiously until this Thursday when I couldn't go for a run. I scheduled my life around my training programme - including dodging physio appointments or scheduling them on days I didn't run for the fear that I would be in pain after - my AMAZING Physio did a great job at fixing my little hiccups along the way.

My plan was always to run a marathon in February next year. But my training programme was only due to end in November. The 3 months gap worried me that I would lose my fitness, added to that the fact that I was facing the possibility of surgery towards the end of the year - all seemed to get in the way... And one Friday in August after a workout at gym the instructor asked me if I had entered the Cape Town Marathon and went on to tell me about it. That night I got on line and took one giant leap of faith - and entered. Knowing that by the time the race would take place I would be about 8 weeks short of completing my training and only 3 months into it! And so nothing changed in terms of my training - I carried on with my schedule but life threw me a curve ball! I grabbed the curveball and decided that life would go on as is and that we had a marathon that we needed to conquer! Life is too short for excuses and I told myself that as long as I am blessed enough to have a fully functional body, I had no excuse. The last week building up to today was incredible - a random meeting with one of SA's former Top Triatheles in a sports shop focused me on my final prep for my big day, people were just full of support and eoncouragement and I started believing that this was doable - all things being equal and provided my legs didn't cramp - they cramped on my long last this past Tuesday for the first time since my training - like really? Now?

And this morning came. Eeeek! I had to get up - that would be a good start. I was anxious about cramps. But I went to the start line. And I started - one foot in front of the other - a phrase I kept repeating to myself this week... And just like that, I got to the end, 42km later,one foot crossed, then the other. I ran part of the race with my friend which was great fun - she is a pro in all this and it was never really a plan to run together - we just both new we were taking part. I had the best time - I was singing songs to her as she didn't bring her iPod along. I was accused of doing yoga by crazy runners while stretching on the side of the road. It was just plain fun! Cape Town offered a beautiful day - grateful that I had finished before 11h30 though cos it soon became a scorcher. I love Cape Town and loved the fact that my first Marathon was the Cape Town Marathon. I loved the atmosphere, my body just glided never feeling tired for one bit. Training for a marathon has taught me a lot of patience - such that it was ok for me to stop and stretch or hydrate during the run, to just take it easy and not push myself to my own detriment. At 32km it all sank in... I was about to do this - against my odds. And in that moment, I knew that I am made of so much more than I give myself credibility for and that I can handle so much. What I appreciate the most - the fact that no matter what challenge faces me, I always seem to have hope and believe that what's right for me - whether by choice or not, will come to be - my Maker usually takes care of the rest! And so I was able to enjoy the last 10km along the coastline watching the waves - a picture that was so familiar as it was part of the route of my long training runs- and enjoying the sea breeze!!! My favourite part of the race - when I saw my dad as I approached the finish line -the kid in me came out - I stopped running, and starting jumping waving my arms in the air as I ran towards him (I literally hopped to him) and threw my arms around him over the waist high fencing and planted a kiss on his cheek and then on to Aunt Monde then carried on to the finish line... Fighting back tears - it was a proud moment, an emotional moment, a moment I never really thought would come to be - one of those moments filled with so much you can't explain. I was about to do this, I was about to do this... And just like that, I did it... Sometimes we really can surprise ourselves when we push ourselves and set our minds on something... We realise just what we are made of that...

My world consists of dreams - of all the thing I want to do in my life. I say I will do things and I think people often think it's all talk. But what others think of me and my dreams is none of my business right? But I do know one thing - for a very laid back person, I sure do have a lot determination - give me a dream and I will set about to achieve it! I don't know how long I will be around for but sometimes I wonder if I will be around long enough to do all the things I wanna do - maybe that's too much of an ask with an ever growing list! I do one thing each year that 'scares' me - or that takes me out of my comfort zone - and today I did it for this year -because the truth is, not having the running gene in me I think I was always scared of even attempting this, 42km is a lot... I kept saying in Barry White style during the race 'My first, my last...' implying this is it... But who knows...

So I qualified for the 2 Oceans Ultra marathon today - the very race I have always dreamt of doing... Will I do it? I don't know... For all I know I may be summiting Mount Kilimanjaro... Only time will tell... But as for these legs, today I have new found respect for them! Those of you who have gone before me and done this many a time and inspired me and encouraged me to do this - RESPECT!

I do one thing every year that scares me, and I will keep doing it. Today, I again celebrate all that I am and honour those who inspire me, those who encourage me, those who sometimes believe in me more than I believe in myself! And just like that, a new marathon runner is born... And Charlie, you simply rock!

Yet another thing ticked off my list - the only problem is that for each thing I tick off I seem to add 2 more...

Of Joy and Positivity

2011-08-07T20:00:00.000+02:00

People often ask me how it is possible that I appear to be happy most of the time, as if I don't have problems or anything to worry about! So I decided that perhaps I would share my perception on life which would in turn help to answer this...

I praise my parents for what they gave me as the foundation for my life... But what I have learnt is that being given a certain foundation in life is one thing, personalising it so that it works for you is another. My dad often says to me that it is for a parent to give their children a foundation but after a certain time, it is for the child to take over and start running their own race in life! I took over somewhere in my late teens...

Sometimes I sit and ask myself 'to what do I owe this'? Because in my 3 decades on this earth I have had more blessings to count than anything else! I was once asked in an interview (that crazy time I was considering enrolling to do an MBA - what was I thinking!!!) what the hardest or most difficult situation in my life was and I struggled with that question. Because as far back as I can look in life I can't quite pin point it. And that doesn't mean I haven't had difficult times - I have just never labelled them as such! And yes I have been through my fair share of trials - I lost my mother 5 days before my 19th birthday, and to this day I still don't think a girl should go through life without a mother. Yes that was hard. And yes, I watched my brother die and that was hard, heart breaking. But somehow I still struggle to call these the most difficult trials of my life when am sure that in fact they may well be. I sometimes think the more difficult trials are yet to be...

Somewhere in my late teens or early twenties I laid down my two-fold foundation. My faith aside that is...

The first fold of this foundation is 'Joy' - I decided that I would build my life on a foundation of joy and not happiness! Joy, an attribute of attitude, is constant and deeply engrained in you; happiness comes and goes. I wanted joy to be the base coat while happiness would be the colour on top of the base coat, a colour that I could change from time to time with the changing seasons and changing peoples in my life, and sometimes there would be no colour at all - just the base coat - joy... And we all know what the foundation of a building does - the most critical part of a building. For a building can so easily collapse - yet the foundation will remain firm! This joy foundation recipe has worked wonders for me because in the trying situations of life, I have managed to plod along, not because I wasn't sad, torn, upset or hurt, but because joy prevailed and carried me through! (Maybe joy is wheelbarrow that I lie in and get pushed by positivity)!!!

The second fold of the foundation is 'Positivity. The rationale behind this foundation is that no matter what I go through life, no matter how trying the situation, I would ALWAYS find something positive about it... Because I realised that when we look hard enough, no matter how dismal a situation is, there is always something positive about it! I would sit and search for hours and hours on end till I found this positive aspect - and to this day, I still do! So if you ever find me sitting with a difficult situation or a problem, sifting through it bit by bit, chances are I am simply looking for the positive grain lost somewhere in there. And sometimes finding something positive in a terrible situation can seem a bit screwed up or cold-hearted - but hey I do it anyway! If not, then I just simply accept it!

So, back to the 2 most painful experiences in my life - my 2 losses! Sure life blew me a nasty deal by robbing me off my mother, but can I complain that life has given me the most amazing mother figures in turn? Did I know in high school that my teacher, the very woman my mum insisted on meeting when she visited would one day be the woman I would look to as the mother I never had and now have? Amazingly enough she never had a daugher but 3 sons! Did life perhaps not work it such that this woman who didn't have a daughter would now have one? And that this girl who now no longer had her biological mother would still have someone to call a mother? Who am I to complain when I had my mother for 19 years when others had theirs for 2 years? My mother instilled in me in those 19 years enough to carry with me all life long and memories that still live on - everything she needed to teach me about this life, she did in that time and I carry it with me... The rest was for others to teach me! Who am I to complain when instead of having 1 mother, I now have an abundance of mothers - because my friends are more than happy to share their mothers with me? Out of the loss of my mother, I got an abundance of mothers, and someone got to have a daughter they never had.
And who am I to complain when I got to see my brother every single day for 3 weeks before his death after not having seen him for 2 years? Why should I complain when on the last day of his consciousness after I cancelled my visit, he specifically asked for me - such that I changed my plans and went to see him - not knowing that was the last time we would talk? I got to say goodbye to him, others merely get the dreaded phone call from across the miles...Those 3 weeks were hard, miserable, heartbreaking, but I spent more time with him in that time than I had in years - I even ran a half marathon in his honour and the medal went into his coffin! I got to honour my brother while he was still here! And like I said at his funeral - perhaps it got lonely for my mum and she just wanted one of her children with her!

I don't know how else I would have gotten through life had it not been for these 2 things that have formed the foundation of my life - 'above all else have joy as your foundation, and in every situation, find something good'... Because life is not easy. Life throws some hard punches at us. Truth is, yes hardships and problems come my way, they come to all of us - no one is immune. I choose not to give hardships and problems the upper hand! But when they come my way they first have to try and fight my two-fold foundation before they are allowed in! If they can do that and conquer that, then sure you will see me beaten down. But so long as that foundation is in place, I am happy to face any challenges that life throws my way. I can be going through a very difficult situation in life and still smile at you, laugh with you and even laugh at myself, or find something to celebrate and be happy about. Even through hardships I have learnt to find the beauty in life - just because life is throwing me a hard situation doesn't mean I still can't notice the beautiful sunset or the flower growing randomly in a bush or hear a child's laughter. It doesn't mean that I am hiding anything or suppressing it or that am in denial, I have just learnt through my life journey to not let challenges and problems have the upper hand over my life! Nope, none of that is allowed here.

But perhaps added to all this is my faith! I cannot think of a time in my life where when facing hardship I have not cried to my God (and sometimes wrestled with Him)! He's seen my ugly cry many times alright! Faith is amazing. Somehow I have learnt to trust - because up until now I have not been let down. 'Great is thy faithfulness'- lyrics that were written with me in mind- or so am convinced! Faith allows me to surrender the most difficult things in my life - not giving up, but surrender. Surrender for me comes at that point when you realise that there is absolutely NOTHING more that you can do, nada, zip, zilch, not a drop... At that point I simply say, 'there you go, its yours, am done with it'! And at that point, is the turning point. I carry on with the rest of life while whatever am facing either disappears or resolves itself to a state that I can deal with. Even if that state of dealing with it is simply being given enough strength to deal with it and not necessarily resolving it.

But like I said, maybe life's bigger tests are yet to be. And so far joy and positivity have helped me get through some tough times. I can only hope that all my life journey I will have these 2 as my foundation - that as trying times come my way I will not be scared or shy away from them but be able to face them knowing that joy will help me find the positive in each of those situations. For now I will continue celebrating what's right with the world, and what's right with my life - and right now there is so much that is right with my life! And in doing so, I will get down on my knees and say my Thank Yous.

A packet of peanuts on a Friday afternoon...

2011-08-05T13:17:00.010+02:00

As I drove home I could not help but think of a song from the 90s by Arrested Development which started off with the lyrics 'here, have a dollar; no, in fact brother man, have two. $2 means a snack to me but it means a great deal to you'... Sometimes that is our reality.

Earlier this afternoon I walked into a shop and as I walked in I did a double take at this guy - because his face looked familiar. He smiled at me at which point I said to him 'your face looks familiar, where do I know you from?'. As it turns out he goes my church. He went on to say my name and in my utter shame I carried on talking as I didn't know his and I was hoping he wouldn't notice. As I talked he said 'my name is Divine since you don't know it'. I just smiled. He was so friendly and wanted to help me in finding what I was looking for. I picked up that he was from somewhere near Central Africa. We walked out together and for once, I chose to give someone the time of the day - someone I didn't particularly know, and who on any other day I would probably think a 'hello' was sufficient and no need for further conversation thank you very much.

Outside I carried on talking to him. As if to prove to me he knew who I was he told me that I have a big car - to which I said no, I have a small hatchback car so he asked me where I was parked and when he saw it he confirmed that it's big - my car is a Polo Comfortline by the way which to me is small. So I pointed to a sedan and explained that that car is bigger than mine, lets not mention a 4 x4. He was still convinced my car was big but we left it at that.

I noticed he had a heavy bag filled with small packets of shelled peanuts. I mentioned that I have not seen him in a long time (which I really haven't) - but not that I would know how long it's been since his presence nor his absence makes no difference to me and I can't say if I ever notice him or not. As if he had to explain to me, he told me he wasn't at church on Sunday. As if I was... I was up on the mountain! Then he started telling me that he was tired on Sunday that's why he didn't go to church. He really didn't need to explain to me. He then pointed to his heavy bag which was now resting on the ground while we spoke and said to me 'you see, this is what I do to make money. I walk around all day selling these peanuts and sometimes I just get very tired from all the walking'. In that moment I was humbled. In retrospect it explains why he thought my car was big - if you walk everyday, any car will be 'big' to you - perhaps not in size, but in what having a car means... What he sells are fresh cooked shelled peanuts - we have them in Malawi too so I asked him where he gets them from and he told me from Congo. Driving home I thought of how he probably has to wake up early every morning to cook them!

As I looked at that bag whilst talking to him I made a decision. Something about him prompted me to give to this man. Knowing all too well that I would not eat the nuts, I decided that I would buy a packet from him anyway. Am not a believer of handouts so I wanted him to 'earn' the money. I chatted to him for a while longer and as we were about to part he simply said to me 'wouldn't you like to buy a packet of nuts, I will sell you special'. I decided to act along, knowing my decision, and asked him how much they were. He, laughingly asked me to take a packet first and then he'd give me a price (great sales person in the making?). I insisted on a price, at which he told me 'R5 per packet'. I agreed to a packet and gave him a R10 note. It was my plan to give him the R10 all along and as he fumbled for change I simply said to him 'don't worry, let that be your blessing for the day'. He looked at me in disbelief. This was just R5... But so much more to him. I said goodbye and walked with my packet of peanuts in hand, somehow with an extra bounce about me... My heart in its entirety smiled at this random interaction with this man.

R5 means a snack to me but it means a great deal to you... Thank you Divine for the reality check...

That's me in the spotlight, losing my religion...

2011-07-02T14:52:00.014+02:00

But then again I have never professed to being religious. For me it boils down to a relationship with my Maker – a relationship that has carried me thus far in life, and boy do I know I need it for the rest that lies ahead – thank You Jesus!

This morning I read something that had me thinking – a comment from a survey - albeit of non-Christians that implied that ‘the Church is outdated and irrelevant and that in less than 100years it will be defunct’ - it could probably apply to any faith really. Now I know the rules – never talk religion or politics at the dinner table or on a first date – and I totally understand why. Religion has become a contentious topic – many lives lost in the name of religion, segregation in the name of religion, wars in the name of religion – and the whole mix of religion at that – Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, Rastafarism and many more.

I have people in my life from different walks of life, those who believe in a God and those who don’t believe in a God. Those who believe the same creed as me, and those who don’t. Those who believe in a force, those who believe we are one with God through nature, those who believe in nothing but themselves. They are all a part of my life and I love them and respect them each for the very people they are… I lost my mum 12 years ago, and the woman I believe my mum would have happily passed on the baton to ( had she had the chance) is Jewish. My ‘mother’ is Jewish. My brother is Rastafarian. My dad is Christian.

I loved my travels in South East Asia 2 years ago! At no time in that 3 months was I in a country where Christianity is the main faith. I had my little Bible with me. I spent 2 months of that time living mostly amongst Hindus. I would admire their overt exhibitions of their faith, every morning making sacrifices to their Gods - the first sale of the day in their shops dedicated to their Gods and if you were the first buyer, you would leave knowing that you have blessed them – and they in turn gave you a blessing back. That Christmas I found myself in a Buddhist country and loved the mere contrast of life –Christmas was nothing. In Cambodia I learnt that Buddhism stemmed from Hinduism. I spent an afternoon with a Buddhist monk – and what a Character – I remember his name – Siem Sam (because he was from Siem Riep!). I remember asking him ‘why do you believe in what you believe’? And I too shared with him why I believe in my God… How wonderful that I could be honoured to have spent that afternoon with Siem Sam… Humbled by the sacrifices he has made in honour of his faith, to be a monk.

As I go through life am learning about other faiths… When I go for lunch with my Jewish 'family' I am never short of questions – and recently I just learnt about Jewish weddings having had a ‘brother’ get married 2 months ago. They must have been tired of all my questions. I have loved my times during Ramadaan when I go to my friend and her mum and break the fast with them! I love the festival of lights – I particularly loved the fact that the festival of lights fell on my birthday last year - it felt like a double blessing! I have learnt to have a conversation with Andy in which I can talk God while he talks agnostic…

In discussion, I was once led to ask the question: 'are the poorer nations more inclined to believe in a god/some force or practice some sort of faith than the westernised first world countries?' Some argue that because people in 1st world/westernized countries have everything they need and want, they feel no need to believe in a higher being whilst in the 3rd world/poor countries there is so much hardship, poverty, hunger etc and that the only place where people can place their hope in, that things will get better, is in a God… I don’t know the answer. Could this be why the church (or any other faith) could be seen as outdated, irrelevant and defunct? Could it be that we are becoming so individualized and self sufficient, seeking instant gratification - and getting it that there is no need to look beyond ‘just being me’? Some would argue that why would anyone want to believe in something/someone they can’t see when nothing else is seemingly lacking in their life??? I remember being in Europe a couple of years back. That particular trip I made it all the way to Sweden and one night whilst exploring the nightlife of Stockholm, I found myself dancing in a club that had once been a church… The church buildings in Sweden are beautiful and most stand empty! My friend confirmed this, saying that most churches are now just used for funerals! And then you go to Africa or South East Asia where you find people converged under a tree so desperately reaching out to their God.

‘I respect all religions, I believe in mine’ – a quote I once stumbled upon and have clung on to! I love the diversity of my life. I love the people different cultures and faiths have brought into my life… And am grateful for those with whom I can build my faith with. I love where my faith has brought me in life… Mine remains relevant still – very, very far from defunct – through thick and thin! While my faith was passed on to me at a young age, I personalised it as I got older. My parents gave us the foundation, but they also gave us choice – hence my Rasta brother. My faith equation is one that has worked for me - He has been too good for me to not believe… I lost my religion a long time ago - in fact am not sure I ever had it, I kept my Faith instead…

Yes am writing an article about breaking up!

2011-06-01T16:04:00.004+02:00

When I told my friend that I felt like writing an article on breaking up the response I got is exactly what I expected ‘you are going to write an article about breaking up?’. Yup, she repeated the exact words I had just used; but in a way, I understood what she meant – what a random thing to write about… I bet if I was with her face to face, I would have noticed her raised eyebrows!

It crossed my mind this morning! But it was perhaps not breaking up that crossed my mind but more the ability to bounce back after a break-up as I thought of some of my friends who have been through some of the most gruelling break-ups and came out of it victorious! It is no easy journey! Sometimes one goes through ‘break-up season’ when people around you seem to be breaking up - I went through this a short while ago. It is not pleasant to go through it - yourself or watching your friends go through it. As I thought of it, I was reminded of our human nature and just how much we can handle and how strong we are – it’s almost like we are recyclable – we can carry on and on after many knocks… I was thinking of how so many of us have gone into a break-up feeling as if it’s the end of the world and not seeing the light at the end of tunnel – especially when you are being told the clichéd ‘there are other fish in the sea’ –which is usually responded to with ‘who says I wanted other fish?’ often muttered through the sobs!!! The break-up process somehow always seems prolonged - actually it’s so exaggerated – but at that time the exaggeration is real to you – the empty pit in your stomach, the heart that feels like it’s been yanked and the fact that 3 months can seem like an eternity! But don’t worry, the heart is still there and there is no pit in your stomach (if this was the case you would be dead and you actually wouldn’t be feeling it) and no, the end of the world hasn’t happened! Am not undermining the pain of it – in fact if anything, am praising our ability to be resilient! I thought of how when we come out on the other side we can look back and realise our biggest realisation – we are still alive – and usually are still able to walk, talk, smile and even laugh – and the best part, our heart – which as mentioned above literally felt like it had been yanked out of our anatomy, seems to be intact, sitting where it belongs, still beating and still pumping blood!

I had my first boyfriend at 15… And we are still friends! I was lucky that in my younger years of relationships I never really had break-ups – relationships just fizzled into friendship. In fact my first ‘true-love’ at 19 is to this day is one of the closest guys in my life – we didn’t breakup, we just fizzled – so I never really got the whole ‘break-up’ thing. A lot of my friends had in this time gone through various break-ups, and as listening and consoling is one of my strengths, I was always there for them, not quite knowing what they were going through but just doing the best I could – being there! Then came 24 and suddenly I understood what it was all about – I called it the best weight-loss programme – it’s a formula that works for me time and again even when am not trying to lose weight! But it was no fun! Actually it was hell! It has repeated itself a few times over the years and while you think it must get easier each time round cos surely you’ve had enough practise, I think the fact that you love more the next time makes it damn hard! But one thing it does for me – makes me stronger – though I really could think better ways of becoming stronger!

I have an aversion to break-ups. I do. Whether I am the break-upper or the break-upee – either doesn’t make it easier! Such is my aversion that after a break-up in 2008 I said that was it, I was done with break-ups! Nada, no more, not another one! But they are very sneaky, because break-ups come disguised in the most beautiful, happiest packages… And another one befell me and yes I took a knock… But most of us have. I say it’s when both people are cruising in 5th gear and one gears down to 1st gear then eventually stops – but the other is still in 5th… The gearing down process to get to stop is not always easy for the one that has to follow – sometime the clutch doesn’t work… And this morning I thought of some of my friends who have been through the deepest darkest processes of break ups (and divorces) and then thought of how they are now in such amazing places. I thought about my own life about how in my life the most challenging times fall into 1 category – LOSS. But with 2 subdivisions – death and breaking up! I still argue though that the difference between the 2 is finality – with death, there is no choice, you know the person is not there, you can’t have them – it’s final… With a break-up, you know the person is around, you could have them, but you don’t.

All this brought me to a place of realising how much stronger we all really are and in particular the women whose journeys I have shared with! That we can go through these processes, where life seems pretty bleak and yet we still live, and face life, and slowly watch the smile return to our faces, the laughter slowly resonating out of our mouths and the heart that once seemed torn is able to love again – even if it’s just to be able to love yourself again– and the best part for me, you suddenly notice the flowers again – because the flowers never really went away! And I believe the process comes with many lessons too – I don’t know about others but I know times like these give me an opportunity to look at myself and reflect on myself – what went wrong, what went right, could I have done something differently, could he have done something differently, what have I learned about myself, what do I want in relationship, was he actually the right person for me? Break-ups are not a reason to be mad at life – I know it sometimes feel like the end of the world, but it really isn’t… And the don't necessarily mean the other person is bad - perhaps they just weren't yours, or the time wasn't right... Break-ups really do give you a chance to make lemonade out of the lemons – and I say why not take your glass of lemonade, put up an easel, grab some canvas, some paint and your paint brush, turn on the music and paint a beautiful picture of life (though I'd much rather prefer wine... but hey, lemons or grapes, just make a drink out of them!)… A break up should by no means be a break down!

Ps, yes I too have felt like I was about to hurl my insides before - that's what break ups are sometimes made of!

Dancing with certainty and uncertainty to my favourite songs!

2011-05-27T13:21:00.018+02:00

Brave is a word I have heard on many occasions following discussions of my decision to leave corporate and start my own thing! In all modesty, I have come to the point where I now embrace the fact that I am brave! And not just in this venture in my life but in other things I have done – and plan to do! Though sometimes one could be forgiven for thinking 'brave' is spelt 'what-were/are-you-thinking?'.

I am learning – with each day! I was introduced to an amazing man, a friend's dad, shortly after embarking on my business venture! Older, wiser, and more experienced in a similar line of work. He gave me a few tips which have stuck with me in my head, though I only turned to them for the first time in my book last week as I seemed to recall him telling me about going to a place of inspiration on days when I am not so busy – when he told me this, I didn’t need to think hard, I knew what that place was for me -Kirstenbosch! When I found myself there last week, of my own doing, in between meetings, I thought to myself ‘didn’t Anthony recommend this?’. Though I did it naturally and of my own simply because Kirstenbosch is my little haven and heaven on earth that I will go to anytime, his words came back to me! I came home and opened my book in which were the notes of my meeting with him – and there it was: ‘on your quiet/down days go to (Kirstenbosch) and immerse yourself in beauty’… And amazingly as I look at the tips he gave me I realise that I already had some of this knowledge before, but sometimes it just takes someone wiser and more experienced to get it in, in a way that you have never gotten it before! I know what Anthony shared with me I will carry all life long one way or another!

This week gave me my first ‘eeek!’ moment… I had a ‘semi-eeek!’ moment at the beginning of the year when I thought about what a huge risk I had taken leaving the safety net of corporate yet not knowing fully how business would pan out and how I would manage! But for the past 2 years, since 2009, I have a quasi-mantra: ‘the bigger the risk, the bigger the reward’… Now in my world reward is not the money bit, but as long as you are of this world you know that there are bills that need to be paid! Which is what brought me to my ‘eeek!’ moment this week! I am religious about taking my car for its routine services. But my little Sparkles is adding on in mileage so upon booking her for her service I was told that at the current mileage, they recommend changing the cam belt… The what belt???? Like am supposed to know! So I google! Thanks Google! Now this is no cheap exercise… I drop the car off and as they rightfully do, after inspecting it for anything else that needs fixing, they contact me to tell me what other things they recommend need replacement and if they should go ahead - things which haven’t been changed in the duration of the time I have had her, but which with wear and tear after a while need to be replaced – and rightfully so, this is why I stick to my service schedule! The rear brake pads, the coolant or something like that and the CV joint holder-thing all need to be replaced –all in all about R14K!!! All foreign to me (and I again remind myself of the reason why God made man – do I really have to be dealing with this? But I again am grateful for the opportunity to learn about something which I wouldn’t have learnt about had the said man been around – I ask lots of questions - I might be a girl but you will explain to me how it works so I understand its importance)! The short of it is that after hearing all this I ask myself ‘could none of this have been changed when I had a steady monthly income?’… And so it became not about the car – cos I fully agree with the fact that all these maintenance things need to be carried out. It became about the risk of starting your own business and not having any guarantee of your income! But that aside, through this process I discovered that (thanks to best friends husbands and others of the opposite sex) since my car is no longer under warranty, I don’t have to take it to VW! They charge exorbitant prices and there are other places to which I can take my car and it would cost half the price – and with genuine VW parts too! Guess I have always felt that since she is from there, she needs to be serviced by them - I love my little Sparkles! I have had her from day 1 and she has been so wonderful and problem free… But its now time to part with the VW dealer… Thankfully I hadn’t given them the go ahead for everything and asked them to only do what was urgent!

This is life in the early days of starting your own business - well I hope! Am sure at some point it will stabilise! While in corporate, you are guaranteed every month what you will get, so even when unexpected things happen, you can fork out knowing all too well that you will replace it next month or something! But in the early days of business you try not to – you don’t know how much business will come your way and when, so you need to make sure that you have a nest to equate some sort of salary for the couple of months that lie ahead – just in case – and then they want you to dish out so much for a car service? You don't wanna dig into that nest prematurely!

‘Learn to live with the tension between certainty and uncertainty’ Anthony said to me that day! And how true! My faith being an integral part of my being has given me that ability to live with that tension! I have learnt that in starting your own business, you are taking one giant leap of faith! It really is a world of the unknown! One day you have no work, another day you have too much you want to be cloned! And so you learn to dance with the two – to the point that you soon stop feeling guilty about not working on the days you don’t have work! I have learnt to enjoy those workless days – this is what I wanted after all – a little bit of flexibility – albeit forced flexibility! On those days, I get to have lunch with my best friend, or pitch up for an uplanned play date with my God child, or go for a run in the vineyards, a little surf or find a spot with my book or journal at Kirstenbosch – on those days I live!!! The days when I don’t have work remind me of why I left corporate – so that I could enjoy my life and do the things I love! I have learnt to enjoy them cos I know when work comes in then it’s grafting all the way! An ex colleague – my ex-boss actually (who also started her own thing) popped in briefly to drop off something this morning – it’s a gorgeous sunny day and it’s technically my non-working day today (by choice I like to take Fridays off when its quiet) but I decided to do some admin! I said to her that sometimes I feel guilty having such lovely days jumping between the desk and relaxing in the sun. She turned to me and simply said, ‘this is why you left corporate – so that you wouldn’t be stuck in a cold air-conditioned office all day on such gorgeous days’. I smiled.

I wouldn’t change this for anything… In fact, eeky days like the one I had earlier this week do me a lot of good, they ground me and just remind me what life is all about, what matters, they speak to me of faith and remind me that things don’t happen over night, that when you plant a seed it doesn’t shoot and bloom overnight and that sometimes it will only come into blooms after a few months!

Such days are reminders of who I am and what has brought me this far in life – the very essence of me! And so, eeeky days are welcome! They remind me of all the woman I am and that I am exactly where I should be! Learning to dance with certainty and uncertainty - and sometimes I even choose my favourite songs to dance to!

Just a bunch of pansies... and other garden inspirations...

2011-05-14T16:15:00.010+02:00

I woke up this morning, and as is usual of my Saturday mornings went for a run! I love the fact that by 8am, I am back home and showered ready to start my day! By 10h00 I had finished all my morning running around including going to the nursery which had found itself on my agenda unplanned! At that time of the morning the nursery was almost empty so I could take my time in choosing what I wanted… The few of us there would look at each other almost as if saying 'why are you here this early?'. And I found my subject matter expert - this time not Ebenezer who normally helps me but Sidney! I missed Ebenezer - he has given me advice about my garden from inception (and I bet first time he saw me he didn’t think I was serious) - he was on tea… But Sidney was just as helpful! I walked in there telling him I wanted Petunia’s – these have done well in my garden. He smiled at me gently and said ‘no Petunia’s. We have Pansies and Violas’ – and he went on to tell me that Petunias don’t do well this time of the year… I listened and asked questions - am learning lots about gardening and flowers - and even how much sunshine or shade plants need or what season to plant them in…

I started my garden last Spring and I have loved every minute of it! Especially waking up at the crack of dawn to water it while the rest of the world sleeps, combined with the view I have and the early morning silence - this usually proves to be a serene and therapeutic backdrop to the day.

But recently we had painters working on our building and they were not kind to my little garden at all! I tried my best to protect it to no avail…They are gone now and I knew I wanted my garden to be what it has been before – a beautiful little stretch of happiness and bright colours! And though I planned to do it another day, this morning, I decided today was the day!!!

In my gardening moments I appreciated how life has brought me to this place - a place of doing my own gardening . In my other life I probably would not have known the beauty of this… Not where I come from... There you can have a perfectly manicured garden but none of it is necessarily your own work. Your instructions, yes, but definitely not your work. The effects of colonialism left us with Garden Boys that would be there, not just once a week but 6 days a week… Yes, I guess it created employment too! But I am so grateful that right now I get to enjoy the pleasures of my little garden! No-one else but me watching the flowers I’ve planted come to bloom, nurturing them as I go along! I knew I would love gardening one Saturday morning when I was about 14 and worked in the garden with my dad (by then we had moved countries and adjusted to the once-a-week Gardener (not Garden Boy) and do-it-yourself-on-the-odd-occasion lifestyle). And last year when I revamped my whole set up of my home, I decided it was time to start my own garden – and it turned out that, much to my surprise, I had green fingers after all (prior to this I had killed many a plant – albeit indoors – that had been given to me as gifts!).

So this morning I had a big job. I needed to uproot the old plants and I needed to change the soil! And the best part, planting new flowers! I knew it would be messy! But last birthday, following my newly found enthusiasm, one of my gifts was a lovely gardening set with lovely pink gardening gloves that are just 'oh-so me'! That just adds to the joy of it all!

My mind drifted… I would uproot something and look at the intricacy of the roots! Some of them took me by surprise at the length and size of their roots intertwined around each other – when I planted them they had such tiny roots – and now these roots were so long and rather creepy actually! But it reminded me again of the importance of the roots – and how they hold that plant in place and how even when I neglect to water it, they have sufficient nutrient to feed the plant… And how the tiniest of plants can have the longest and busiest roots. But it also made me think of my roots… What are my roots? What makes me, me? How often do I dig into these? At this point I was not thinking of history as such but more along the lines of what defines and grounds me, what roots hold me together, what do I feed my roots??? If a root is the source of life of a tree, where is my source of life??? You can cut down a tree or any plant for that matter, but if you don't cut the roots it will grow back! Are our roots so firmly grounded that no matter what life throws at us we can withstand the test and hold ourselves together? How resilient are we?

And all this in gardening??? Who would have thought? And it didn’t stop there. I said it would be messy and it was – especially the part I had to change the soil. Firstly, as I pulled out the plants the roots would pull out with them far too much soil for my liking and secondly, I had to mix the old and new soil – kind of like a churner!!! And then the nice part, planting new plants! As I planted my new flowers (and herbs mind you) I suddenly paused as I realized what I had done – I’d uprooted the Petunia’s knowing that they would not flourish in the winter (thanks Sidney!). I planted the Pansies and Viola’s cos they are right for this season (thanks Sidney). And as if I hadn’t known this before, the thought crossed my mind about how some plants are seasonal. Planting them in the wrong season will not yield anything (I did that with Tulips and only one survived – am waiting for my Dutch delivery of these!)… Am now looking forward to the yellowy- orangy shades of winter in my garden as opposed to the pinky-lilac-purply shades of the summer!!! And then, I thought of life!

Life is all about seasons! And I wondered if we couldn’t learn a lesson from plants. Sure, life seasons can be longer or shorter and they can be of many different varieties, made of various people and experiences… But how often do we move from one season of our lives into the next with the previous season’s plants? Even if you chop the plants off at the surface so you can’t see it, you can’t plant new plants with the roots of last season’s plants in the soil – it just won’t work. The stronger roots will dominate and your new plants will soon die - and the old one produce new shoots! So, a reminder for me from the plants as I gardened was to be aware of my changing seasons and make sure I uproot last season’s plants AND change the soil before I plant new ones (and as I thought that, I knew that there were still some old roots if not plants within me that needed uprooting)! Planting the right plants for the right season is the thing to do– if you want them to grow, flourish and be fruitful! So choose the right plants for the relevant season of your life – these could be people, location etc. – whatever it is, make sure its relevant for that season… But at the same time, we shouldn't overlook the lessons from the plants of last season - they served a purpose- we probably planted them there too (unless they were weeds) - they were in the garden for a reason, and if they are bulbs/tubes, you may find yourself keeping them to plant them again next season.
And what of the soil??? Sometimes it’s good to change our surroundings too - or just to refresh/re-arrange/revamp them! And sometimes changing our surroundings means taking a different route to work, or doing your grocery shopping at another shop – not necessarily relocating to another part of the world!

But back to the Tulips… When I was in Holland last August I got some Tulips and planted them in September – I knew that wasn’t the right time to plant them… 2 of the 3 bulbs I planted died but today I found the sole survivor that had somehow survived the Cape Summer. And today, being the right time to plant them, I planted it in new soil and gave it a new lease of life – and I know this time it will grow… The only thing is that it will only come into bloom in Spring… A couple of months of waiting (and nurturing) for me! And therein another lesson! Though the saying goes that we reap what we sow, we often don’t reap it immediately. We plant, and create the ideal conditions for the plant to grow and in its time, it does! And so it is in life, that sometimes, just sometimes, it happens that we need to be patient in knowing that the beauty has been planted and is coming, just not now, but it's coming!

My garden continues to inspire me in the most surprising ways as it did this morning! And finally, like King Julien XIII in Madagascar, very soon I will be able to look at my garden and with a smile on my face simply say 'they are just a bunch of pansies'!!!

Becoming aware of my aliveness...

2011-04-25T18:02:00.010+02:00

Today is 4 years since my brother died! I woke up this morning with a debate as to whether I would go visit him at his grave or not! I was sort of in 2 minds – I wanted to go because this day is so significant and I remember it all too well 4 years ago. But then I also didn’t want to feel obligated to do it – sometimes I make up my own rituals and routines that I can so easily become enslaved to. But in the end I went because I wanted to! Like all of us in our family, my brother loved music so I parked right next to where he is buried (luckily he is buried right on the side of one of the many roads within the cemetery), opened up my passenger door and played a few songs for us (P!nk’s ‘raise your glass’ was on the playlist for him today)! And we had our time together – and some memories came flooding in.

Leaving, I did something I have never done before! Though I now have a sense of peace when I drive into the cemetery, let’s face it, it can still be creepy! But what is amazing is also how many people you find there – some sitting with a book, reading, leaning on the tombstone of their loved one, others simply standing there talking to their loved one –each to their own. And I guess this is why I feel ok being there now – it can actually be a very peaceful place.

I have noticed this before – in fact I noticed it on the day we buried my brother but I think on that day I was too distraught for it to have any effect on me. I have seen it over the years as I come and go, it saddens me, but I simply look and move along. Today I decided I needed to look closely as it has always given me thought and at times made my heart a little heavy.
As you drive out of the cemetery, close to the entrance/exit, is a section where I suspect was set apart for burying children - what is so striking about this part of the cemetery is just how small these gravestones and burial sites are - it just seems so 'not right'… I drove past, probably at 5km/h and would occasionally stop to read… The grave stones are tiny – most of them less than 1m in length and some just like tiny little boxes – and most of them pretty recent – some so recent there isn’t even a gravestone as yet. And I read the tombstones – some died at less than a month old, some at 3 months, some at 9 months, another at 4 years… Lives too short! One even had inscribed on the tombstone ‘In loving memory of our baby girl’. I thought of the parents and wondered… I looked at some of the graves – some were well maintained others neglected… More wonder – are the parents still dealing with this that they can’t come to the grave to maintain it? Is the pain too much they can’t return? Have they just decided to leave this chapter of their lives behind? Did they have another child after that? Have they moved out of CT? Like I’ve heard before, no parent should ever have to bury their child. I could not even begin to imagine…

As I looked, with a saddened heart at these tombstones of lives cut too short , one thought suddenly sprung to mind – ‘I am still here’! It was as if for the first time in my life I became aware of my state of being alive! 31 and half years of me – plus the 10 months I spent in the womb! I am STILL here and I am alive. I have made it this far – did I deserve it any more than those little lives? Certainly not – but in that moment, I knew how grateful I AM for this gift of life. Those little lives never had a chance at life – for whatever reason – usually reasons we as humans can’t comprehend...
And therein started a thought process – if I am here now, there must be a reason… Not everyone gets a chance at life so each one of us that is still here, is here for a reason. So what am I doing with this state of being alive? Am I just plodding along or am I actually putting it to good use! Discussing it later I was reminded of this analogy: On each tombstone there is a name, a birth date, a dash, and a death date… So if you will: Cherry-Blossom M, 05 November 1979 – 32 Frapuary 2079… Those 2 dates mark the day on which I made my presence on this earth and the day I will make my exit (not too sure am crazy about the idea of getting to 100 though)… But what about my life? My life is represented by that dash (-)! Yup… That dash is the legacy I will leave behind… Crazy huh! It is up to me, to live my life in such a way that when I die, that dash will wholly represent who I have been, what I stood for, what I believed in, how I lived my life and what contribution I made to this world! Each to their own – each one of us decides what we want our dash to say despite what life throws our way– whether we go through the hard knocks of life or whether we just sail along smoothly with no major storms along the way. Those little lives, whose dashes were so short, today made me realize that, 1) I need to, everyday, be grateful for another chance to live, to take another breath; and 2) that I want my dash to count and tell my life story. That dash is not simply a blank, it is life!

So as I remembered how painful this day was 4 years ago today, how painful it was knowing I would never see my brother again - today I was reminded that I am still here, that I am alive, that I have been given a chance at life, 30 times more than others have... With somewhat of a heavy heart, I honour those little lives that graced this world for such a short time… Did they leave a legacy ? Yes they did –for their loved ones – and if not, for me: the shortness of their lives, reminded me today, of the lengthiness of mine and how I should not take that for granted…
In a beautiful twist – as is always the case in life, the very day that marks the death anniversary of my brother, turned into the very day that reminded me of just how alive I am and that each breath I take is a blessing worth celebrating! Alive, ripe, juicy and whole!!!

Sunglass conversations

2011-03-20T16:25:00.005+02:00

Some of us wear them for the fashion, some of us wear them because we need them. Sunglasses... Its highly unlikely that you would find me anywhere without mine - even on a cloudy day I will have them - just in case!!! In my case, my eyes are light sensitive and CT in particular is very bright! Of course I could go without them - many people do, but the likelihood is that you would think am frowning, and it would probably speed up the process of getting 'laugh lines' on my forehead (I don't use the w-word)...

But whatever the case, most of us will have our sunglasses most of the time.
I don't know if there is sunglass etiquette? I know there is hat etiquette - well I actually don't know if this still exists but I know one school that has groomed their boys well is SACS - such polite boys who will take their hats off to greet you! So is there sunglass etiquette??? If there is, I am yet to come across it! How many of us take of our sunglasses to say hello to the other?

This was my thought as I had lunch with a friend. Both of us sitting across the table from each other looking at each other, yet for the duration of our lunch I can't guarantee you of any eye contact made! I am guessing there was eye contact - but I couldn't see her eyes and I don't think she could see mine - perhaps she could as my sunglasses were not as dark as hers...
All this got me thinking... Do we hide behind our sunglasses??? As an observer of human behaviour, I know that eye contact in the Western Culture is one of the most critical skills in 1) listening and 2) being present... That said, I also know that in some cultures eye contact is considered disrespectful. But lets go with the Western Culture... So we are big on eye contact yet we are quick to hide behind sunglasses - we don't think twice about the fact that wearing these sunglasses can so easily be a block! I for one have previously asked someone to take off their sunglasses as I felt the need to make eye contact with them - that's how important the conversation was... And am not saying that all the other conversations I've had with sunglasses on have been any less important!!!

After all these years, this thought of sunglasses crossed my mind for the first time yesterday - for one reason: as I listened to my friend I realised what we were talking about was not a small matter, I felt the need to make eye contact with her, but at the same time, I also understood how important it was for her to be behind those sunglasses - that was her comfort zone, it was safe to talk through the sunglasses - I recognised that and respected that. And so for a split second I left the conversation and noted this thought in my mind - chances are, had I not been wearing sunglasses I probably wouldn't have pondered this as it would have been very obvious that I had left the conversation if only for a few seconds - I for one listen with my eyes...

I thought of Adam Sandler's movie (I think it was called Big Daddy) in which as a father he encouraged his little boy to put on sunglasses each time he got scared of interacting with certain people or of certain situations - with the understanding that once he had the sunglasses on, the person/situation would cease to be a threat to him... While I understand why we wear sunglasses - and I would like to think that most of us wear them for the right reason - whatever the right reason is for you - be it for the health of your eyes or to make a fashion statement, yesterday I wondered if there is more to it. I couldn't help but wonder if we sometimes have not used our sunglasses for similar purposes as the little boy in the movie! I have - may be not to avoid threatening situations but definitely to remain in a comfort zone.
While most times when I go for a run or walk I will happily greet those I come across, sometimes when I want to be in my own company, its far easier if am wearing sunglasses - I can walk or run past you and not feel the need to say hello - because I haven't made eye contact with you - or at least you don't know that cos you can't see my eyes! Without them, my eye contact would be so obvious and I would feel the need to say hello and that would break my aloneness! In fact sometimes I can totally shut out everything by having my sunglasses on, and my earphones in my ears listening to music - this way, am not accessible to anyone - unless you pinch me...

Taking a break from writing this I caught up with another friend. Noticing her sunglasses on her head I simply said to her 'am in the middle of writing an article about sunglasses' - I didn't have to say anything more - her comment was 'I sometimes hide behind mine' -as if she knew... I guess sunglasses do in fact have multi-purpose uses! I will even admit to driving in tears before but not bothered, at the knowledge that no-one could see - thanks to my sunglasses!

Sometimes they make us look good, sometimes they show our status in life, sometimes we just need them cos of the light... And sometimes we hide behind them... With all these various purposes for sunglasses, I guess am still left with one question - how many emotions hide behind sunglasses???

Ps - If I do happen to run/walk past you and am not saying hello, its probably cos I really haven't seen you! The above would only apply to people I don't know and on the very few and rare days when I feel like shutting down! So say hello - or at least wave at me profusely so I can see you!

Being my own bread winner - amongst SUV-filled shopping centres

2011-03-08T22:08:00.017+02:00

So its been about 2 months now since we got our business going… And who knew how many lessons you could learn in such a short time!!! One thing for sure, leaving corporate is a decision I do not look back on - haven’t changed my mind about that yet, bearing in mind that I apparently still have another 30 years of working life ahead of me! How about another 30 years of doing the work you love, in a way that works for you, whilst living??? Maybe one day I will go back to it but for now, this is right for me!

What is really funny is that simply because you work for yourself people assume you get to play as and when you like! WRONG! And given the fact that the temperature in CT for the past 2 months has not dropped much below 30 the assumption is that ‘you can just go to the beach’… But while it may seem like that would be easy to do, somehow you get the discipline of knowing that working hours should still be adhered to. I still wake up at 5am and follow my early morning routine as I did when I worked for corporate (sans the traffic!); I still get dressed as if am going to the office, and I still take the same snack/lunch breaks as I did! Gosh I even still sit on the same exercise ball at my desk that I sat on in my office! There is this unspoken guilt that creeps in if you try to do something else but work, but sometimes you do, and in those times the guilt disappears as you remind yourself that ‘this is why I chose to do this’… This morning I decided to go to a stretch class at the gym mid-morning – because I could… How totally awesome…

And in the process I have birthed some of my hidden skills too– as has my partner!!! I gave up on the website project – I was to have set up our website but, that just wasn’t me – she took it on and is doing a great job on it – and how awesome and exciting as she unleashes her inner IT wizard within! I did Information Systems as a subject in first year at varsity and it seems I left it on Upper Campus!!! I on the other hand have unleashed the Financier in me and am loving it!!! I always knew I had it but I never really went in deeper!!! But these are just some of the joys in new skills acquired in the process of establishing your own business! And then there is my partner. Anyone who knows us knows we are absolute opposites, something we have always known, something that has worked for our friendship and something we knew we could make work for the business– our differences are in fact the very essence of what will make the business flourish! Above our business agreement, we have something even more important to us – a friendship agreement – and that has been the solid ground upon which we are growing our business – one is all too aware of the risk of doing business transactions with friends, but it seems to be working for us! On Thursday evening driving from a networking event I stopped her in mid-sentence and simply told her ‘I want to appreciate you’ and in that moment I highlighted the areas in which she is different from me, and how I appreciate that about her – and am sure there will be many more moments of appreciation to come…

So with all this ability to juggle your day around, I decided a few weeks back that I would try to do my grocery shopping mid-day on Monday! This seemed perfect as I reasoned that all the mums would be on school duty, picking up kids and that would give me ample space in the shops - let it be known, shopping is not my favourite thing – I am registered for online shopping but I couldn’t imagine anything more embarrassing than doing online shopping for 1!!! Alas, I got to the shopping centre and the SUVs in all their glory were all lined up in the parking (almost as if it were an alien invasion), the coffee shops were all full and shock of all shocks and horror, the shops were full! This immediately got me thinking (as I normally do when I see masses of people seemingly relaxing during working hours) – ‘don’t these people work? And if they don’t work, where do they get the money?’! Just as quickly as I had asked those questions I also got the answers! And that is where I realised I had my formula ALL wrong! These women could afford to be shopping and having coffee at these times because they are fortunate enough to be in a set up that allows them to do so - perhaps husbands who support them having made the choice that they would be stay at home mums, or they got a real great deal such as flexible working arrangement, won the lotto or were just determined from the start and made it themselves - anything is possible - they could even have been just like me, randomly doing their shopping cos they had a gap in their day - who was I to question their being there when I was there?! I harboured on the thought of stay at home mums - by no means am I criticising them, quite the contrary - I think being a Stay at home mum/Home Executive/flexi mum is the most challenging yet most rewarding career (some of my friends fall in this category)and anyone who can afford it is well entitled to it - I think its awesome that they are able to, and can enjoy life in this manner if that's what works for them - as one of my friends rightfully pointed out - this is the only time they can enjoy because most of the day is spent tending to the kids or home. But what I think is important is having the support... And again I thought to myself, ‘you really screwed up on your formula. Who quits a great job, and well paying at that, to start a business when they don’t have a support system (family and friends aside)?’ (perhaps am somewhat of a traditionalists who has been seasoned to see the man as the breadwinner - and I was thinking in this context - and here I am trying to counter that? That said I also know many a people who have made it on their own).Back to the question, if we were in a classroom situation I bet I would have sat there waving my hand profusely going ‘me, me, me! Teacher pick me, I know the answer’… Because I was looking at the answer, I was walking with the answer, in fact I was the answer… It was one of those moments I again laughed at myself and remembered just why I love being me, recalling how a good friend once described me as ‘stupidly brave’ – a title which I think will follow me all the days of my life and yet one which I will proudly bear! In fact I think my name should read ‘CHERRY-BLOSSOM M (SB)’ – it might not be MD but it’s a title nonetheless. People love flaunting their titles don’t they – why can’t I?

Then as I shared with my friend about this experience – I also realised how much the mere fact that I was this stupidly brave is probably also the motivating factor that I have to make this work. While there is no-one else to put bread on the table but me – albeit bread for one -though I actually really don’t eat bread, (and I guess it could serve as a dual purpose weight loss programme), that is probably the very factor that will drive me. I just have to make this work – there is no other alternative… But bigger than that I guess is the mere fact that I want to make it work – not so that I can put bread on the table, but because this is what I want to do, this is how I want to live my life.
So if you see me at the shopping centre on a week day in the middle of the day, don't (like I always do) wonder if I don't work - I DO work. It’s probably cos I have been grafting all morning and just needed a change of scenery – and how amusing to see all these SUVs lined up there! But if you really want to, you can pretend and think that I am a yummy mummy and the Q7 in the parking is mine- I will gladly accept!!!Gosh I love being a woman!

Tuesday morning thrills, from a Bergie on his 1-horsepower trolley...

2011-02-15T23:41:00.007+02:00

This morning after my run I was stretching like I normally do. I like to leave the door and curtains open so I can look outside and at the same time enjoy the early morning breeze – usually it’s still and quiet with no-one on the roads. Except on Tuesdays - our refuse collection day – when there are bound to be Bergies that roam the streets filling their trolleys with whatever they can get from other people’s rubbish bins. Wondering to myself today why in fact we call them Bergies (something I just latched onto when I moved here) I googled it. Wikipedia described the word as ‘a term used for a subsection of homeless people in Cape Town, South Africa. The word originates from the Afrikaans word ‘berg’ meaning ‘mountain’ - the term originally referred to the homeless people who sheltered in the forests of the slopes of Table Mountain.’ Bergies… And perhaps I should add my friend’s take on this who commented that Bergies are one of the things he misses about Cape Town and went on to offer the description, ‘Bergies are in my opinion SA's version of gypsies - a group of people so marginalised and in many cases persecuted, yet recognised for having a distinct brand of humour and culture’. And he couldn’t have been more spot on! Bergies are almost always drunk but on their good days can offer you the best kind of entertainment free of charge; they are also friendly – and in fact harmless! But you don’t wanna be anywhere near them when they are fighting amongst each other – bottles can be thrown around, anything goes and the words that come out of their mouths are nothing like you’ve ever heard – then the following week you see them scratching through rubbish bins together – peace somehow always prevails!

This morning it was rather quiet as I looked on outside – barely anyone on the road. But I happened to see a figure come flying past. It was a trolley with a Bergie hanging on to it! The road is at a slight slope and clearly he had given himself enough momentum such that he was able to hang on to it for a bit of a joy ride and have some early morning thrill and fun (what with no cars on the road!)! This obviously caught my attention and I watched as he sped along – he went past rather quickly but as he did, totally unaware of my presence, he simply shouted ‘1-horsepower’! All of me smiled in that moment and I chuckled! One is almost expected to brag about their 200 horsepower engine, but 1??? Yes! Why not? This guy had the guts! I was amazed that in this moment this Bergie wanted to announce to the world that his trolley has 1- horsepower (engine – I assume), but above that, I realised that his trolley is to him what our cars are to us! He probably treasures it so much (and if he could, he would probably take out insurance on it). Its value to him is probably such that it must have an identity of some sort, identifiable on social standards so as to place him somewhere on the social standing! He probably had a Woolies trolley – which I guess would be the Porsche of trolleys, with a suitably matched 1-horsepower engine to go with it! I totally love what I perceive to be the pride he takes in his trolley!

But this got me thinking – this man who had probably just finished scratching through rubbish bins and filled his trolley with all his belongings seemed to be overly happy and content and I must admit I was a tad bit jealous of how carefree he looked! Despite his living conditions, his life and everything else that might cause us to have pity on him, in that moment, this man seemed to exhibit his life as one bursting with happiness and without any cares! He was happy and free…

The more I thought of it the more I contemplated the saying ‘the best things in life are free’ which then got me thinking about my Godchild. Having the most beautiful priviledge of our weekly playdates I have watched her grow and I have also watched her toy collection grow. Yet the more the toy collection grows, the more she wants to play with the random piece of cardboard or the lid of the jug – or something, anything – but those toys that have been bought especially for her. Trace often laughs at her daughter’s choice of toys and often comments on how you can get them all sorts of toys, but they end up playing with the most basic things – the cardboard box, the sandwich box packaging, the empty plastic bottle, the wrapping paper – anything seems more appealing than the bought toys.

All this made me think… Do we go through life looking for happiness in the more complex, expensive things or the seemingly correct social standing thinking that that’s where we will find happiness? Could it be that happiness indeed lies in the most basic, simplistic and least costly things in life? It would appear (at least to me) that whoever said ‘the best things in life are free’ wasn’t far off – they were very right, but I would like to suggest that the best things in life are not just free but they are also the simple things! I bet that trolley gave him the same thrill that it would give to someone on the extreme opposite end of the economy scale in his convertible – choose whichever make you like (I’d go for the TT!)!!! The only difference is that the Bergie’s thrill came at no cost (well, it probably cost Woolies) – and he doesn’t have the stress of worrying about any scratch on his car!

Gosh, that Bergie does not even know what he did for me this morning… It was so random, so unexpected and so spontaneous - one thing I know for sure is that the terminology ‘1-horsepower’ will never ever have the same meaning for me – in fact it never meant much to me prior to today… What I do know is that whenever I hear of anything having whatever level of horsepower, I will always smile… But more so, what I know is that from now on, I will try to live more ‘1-horsepower days’ and have more ‘1- horsepower experiences’!

Some people come into your life and teach you lessons they will never know they taught you – and somewhere in life you may get a chance to thank them! Others simply fly past your apartment on their trolley, not just teaching you a lesson, but totally unaware of the smile they have sent through your soul, probably one of the greatest gifts anyone could ever give… Sadly, I doubt I will ever see him again… But one thing I know for sure, he reminded me that this life can be lived, and happily at that, on a 1-horsepower engine! Thank you Mr Bergie - just in case our paths never cross again...

Two weeks of Malawi fun and sun to feed my soul

2011-01-04T22:04:00.004+02:00

It’s my last full day in Malawi and it’s hot – and there is a lizard lurking about as am sitting here which am all too aware of – make that 2! Am looking at people around me and they are wearing jeans and I just can’t grasp how that is possible… It’s so hot that the other I was convinced that all one needs in Malawi is a bikini! Anything else is simply too hot! The last couple of days at the lake were hot but thank goodness for the lake! Such was the heat that I resorted to not covering myself when I slept – this coming from someone who is so scared of mosquitoes (due to my fear of Malaria)! I simply could not deal with the heat and if mosquitoes wanted to eat me they were most welcome - and that they did (I am convinced insect repellent doesn’t work) so we will see what the consequences thereof will be but I have my Malaria meds in tow!

Last week saw me visit my grandmother (mum’s mum) in Mulanje in the south just for the day! To this day we do not know how old my grandmother is! We have asked her some historical questions to try and place her – so we think she is close on about 87; She is a real character my grandmother, who after seeing me this time round and hearing all that I’ve been up to over the past 2 years and my plans going forward said to me ‘a lion(ess) gives birth to a lion(ess)’ – this she was referring to my mother and me! Of course I had my cousin in tow for some translating – and I guess I just can never go there alone! Whilst there it started storming hard and when the thunder and lightning struck, I was scared just as I used to be as a little girl! Some things you just can’t and don’t outgrow! I DO NOT like lightning in particular… Then my grandmother asked one of the boys to take the axe outside and put it on the ground – my cousin and I wondered what this was about! It was explained to us that this was for the lightning. Applying my own knowledge I concluded that it’s something to the effect that the axe would act as a deterrent to the lightning being metal and all (or is it that the lightning would strike the axe?). It’s all physics – and I realized that despite their lack of education here, they still applied principles of physics!

My humbling moment however was upon arrival! My cousin and I arrived eating apples! Something we do without thinking – we just do! Whilst eating one of the young men of about 24 came to ask my cousin what it was that we were eating. I picked up from the conversation, much to my horror, that this young man had never seen an apple before and didn’t know what it was (ok let’s face it, Malawi with its abundance of fruit is not renown for apples - and more so in the rural areas Though that said one can find apple trees in people’s gardens, in fact my aunt has some in her garden - but we don’t have the climate and the apples I ate as a kid here were imported from South Africa)! I felt so guilty at having walked in nonchalantly eating my apple! And I thought -the first thing we learn about the alphabet is that A is for apple… This is how far apart our worlds are…

I managed to visit my mum’s grave too, though in a funny twist that was the last thing on my mind coming on this trip compared to, for instance my last trip when that seemed to have been the focus! In fact due to the rain (and there was also another funeral there) I had said it was ok if I didn’t go! While there are cemeteries in the city, the tradition in Malawi is that even if you live in the city, you are likely to be buried where you came from hence most people even from the city to this day are buried in the villages they come from (it is clearly stated in my will that I will be cremated and my ashes scattered in Lake Malawi so that takes care of that for me)! And unlike the cemeteries in the city, there is another twist to it – each time you want to visit the grave you have to get permission from the Chief - something that I just don’t get but I do it out of respect! Unlike the city, you can’t just pitch up and put flowers on a grave, or go alone for that matter! Anyway, we didn’t find the Chief but we left a message and one of the boys was to return that evening to just again let him know we had tried to pass by earlier - I was there for just the day so we just proceeded! Anyway, I at least got to visit the grave but wondered if this is the healing process that is often spoken of – that time does indeed heal?

The next leg of my trip I was to do on my own – going to Monkey Bay for some me time – by far my favourite spot in Malawi! At the last minute I invited my cousin to come along – for 2 reasons : being rainy season I was concerned about the roads (as it turns out the roads were perfectly fine – they have been focusing on fixing the roads over the past 2 years) and the other reason was that I needed a cameraman for my little project. The drive to Monkey Bay seemed long this time round – or maybe I was just tired but my highlight was a little boy on the side of the road where we had stopped who was blowing a ‘balloon’. I commented to him with innocence on how big his balloon was upon which he started laughing hysterically offering me the balloon! I knew, he knew that that is not a balloon! But still this kid was full of bubbles that simply made my heart smile.

Getting to the cottage I was mesmerized at the cottage I had been to a mere 2 years back that had been turned into something so exquisite – really beautiful, so spacious and now with a stunning bar outside on the deck and another one right on the beach. Really lovely stuff! And the same Cook, Benjamin that had looked after us so nicely was still there. I missed my friend Shai with whom I had gone there with 2 years ago (in fact the whole trip I have had to answer questions about Shai from everyone, (my grandparents included) who wants to know why she didn’t come again and what she is doing etc – Malawians never forget a person and Shai is such a special soul no-one could forget her!). The fish eagle took its rightful place at the top of the highest tree in the vicinity, claiming its territory and greeted me! I LOVE fish eagles! The guys that sell curious and a kiddies band came every morning and evening wanting to sell me something or entertain me. This is the sort of thing a tourist would appreciate and I reminded myself that I am not a tourist. So I just bought the fresh fish (some still alive) instead…

We ventured to Cape Maclear, renown for its very clear waters and lots of lovely pretty fish! I was to do my first ever fresh water dive there but alas the road to Cape Maclear is worse for wear such that it took me longer than I had planned that by the time I got there the group had left… And upon their return, there was a power outage (apparently a tree had fallen on the power lines! You kinda get used to power outages in Malawi, in fact those can be the most fun times) – but having a power outage in this case meant that the tanks couldn’t be filled and therefore no dive for me! So I went snorkeling instead which was equally stunning! Because the water is so clear you could see at least 10-12 metres below! Stunning!

No holiday is complete without drama! Ours happened at the snorkel point as my cousin lifted my camera bag - the car key (sans key holder) fell into the water into a deep spot but somehow lodged itself between 2 rocks on another rock! In true Malawian spirit a few of the local guys gathered round – the key had been spotted, it was a deep spot and moving one tiny thing in the wrong direction meant this key would become a fossil dropping into an inaccessible point – or the water could also have easily washed it off the rock on which it was resting! I could not watch, for once I chose not to be the one in control, turned my back, saying a prayer and left these locals to do their thing – as far as I was concerned, this key was gone, all my stuff was in the car – including my phone which had the car hire details; and we would be stranded. To this day, I cannot understand how that key came to be in my hands again, I do however have a sneaky feeling this was the Big Guy upstairs just saying hello! The locals went on to tell us that just a few days before a wallet had fallen in the same spot as had a phone – and neither could be retrieved! Well, hello back!

Amongst some of the things I love doing when at the lake is waking up early and sit on the beach! There is no-one else about besides the fishermen and the fish eagles. It is really just so peaceful and serene! One morning I woke up early and managed to chat to a few fishermen and just watched the sun as it made its appearance! At 6am it’s already a scorcher it’s crazy! But one of the things I have always wanted to do is get in one of those dug-out canoes (bwato) that are synonymous with Malawi. I think I have always wanted to do it since I was a little kid and I was determined. And I guess my defining moment of this trip came when I stopped 2 guys in their canoe and asked if I could get on and row! One got off and I took my rightful position! Gosh it was hard work but in that moment I felt an exhilaration on a whole other level! And I recalled a song they used to play on the radio when I was a kid whose lyrics went along the lines of our lives are like bwatos and if we don’t row we will just stand still, so row the canoe, row so we move along, row the canoe otherwise we get no where’! Now it all makes sense!

One thing I have certainly noticed about Malawi is the use of bicycles! Holland and Beijing watch out! There are lots of cyclists on the road, which is great; however, if you are not a patient driver this could be frustrating! Because these bicycles are not used in Suburbia but rather on the big roads, and long distance at that – and these cyclist believe they have equal access to the road! You will see people on their bicycles where you haven’t seen a sign of life for miles and miles! And when you see them they are carrying a bag of charcoal bigger than them strapped on the bike, or firewood or a bag of maize, logs or building materials that sometimes take up the width of a lane! And you realize that the difference between having a bicycle in Holland is that you use it for short distances and you probably have a car standing outside your house where as here, this is the only mode of transport they have so even if its 100km that needs to be covered, well, lets go! I really love Malawians for how innovative they are and how they improvise! Somehow there is no excuse mentality here…

Driving back to Lilongwe I was struck at the guys on the side of the road selling live chickens! As each car passes by, they wave the chicken to catch your attention I guess! My heart went to these poor chickens. Legs tied they were being flung into the air without any warning. I wondered 2 things: 1. if chickens can have heart attacks and if being flung like this could trigger one and 2. if this was like bungee jumping for them.

And so I saw the New Year in Salima again with Zohra and her friend Keta and her twin 9 year old nephews. We had our own party going already on the way singing on our mini road trip! My song being ‘Raise your glass’ by P!nk! What a magical time we had staying at a friends lodge, playing in the water and more snorkeling and in no time we retreated back to Lilongwe! I took a walk in Zohra’s neighbourhood and was again struck at how large the properties in Malawi tend to be! Each property is almost never ending (that’s also probably why we always had so many fruit trees)… It is such a land of contrasts! Because just an hour out it’s a different story!

So it’s all over now and what a magical 2 and half weeks it has been! I knew I was due to come Malawi in 2010 but so much had happened that led me to believe I would have to postpone the trip - of course my worry was whether I would see my ailing grandfather again! But it all worked out and looking back I couldn’t have chosen a better time to come. It has been totally amazing – ending 2010 and starting 2011 in a place I love so much! I’ve seen my grandparents and spent time with the family at the lake! I have spent time with Zohra and even reconnected with my 1st boyfriend who though we keep in touch all the time to this day, I last saw 12 years ago!!! I returned to my favourite place, Monkey Bay – and decided I will build a cottage there someday. Monkey Bay has the ability to feed my soul till it is so full it bursts! This country is close to my heart and it holds amongst some of the most beautiful memories of my life. Leaving always leaves me with a bit of a heavy heart but I think I always hold on to the thought that as long as am alive, I will keep coming back! There is no other way to describe it – whoever said it first couldn’t have put it better – there is NO place like home!

My Malawi... It makes me happy

2010-12-29T17:25:00.008+02:00

So my first Christmas back in Malawi after 13 years… And my first EVER Christmas in Malawi without my mum! Actually didn’t think of it that way till I started writing this now (26th)… Christmas day itself saw me revisit my childhood church, St Micheal’s and All Angels church! I think I loved that church because it was like a social hangout – everyone who was everyone was there and often church was filled with lots of chuckles! I am loving being home though I have had at least one pang of being Cape Town home sick after getting a Christmas morning wake-up call from CT!

So it’s been a week and what a wonderful week! I had a chuckle at myself. I am due to go and see my grandmother tomorrow and a friend asked me how long I would stay. I chuckled as I said that I am only going for the day and have chickened off staying the night cos I just don’t feel like roughing it up – I really just don’t feel like all the effort! Though if mother nature has her way I could end up staying the night there – its rainy season (albeit super hot) which means the dirt roads in the rural areas should only be attempted by 4 x 4s… Which I am not driving (though I have been promised a Q7 on my next trip – GRIN!)! But my cousin is coming along and that gives me a peace of mind!

Malawi is full of contrasts – I guess life itself is full of contrasts! I am realizing this as I think of the extremes I have been in in the past week! There is the life of luxury at my friend’s house – you do nothing! There is a security guard 24/7, a maid everyday (who does all the cooking too) and a garden boy! Yes, this is very typical of Malawi city life, how we grew up, the influence of Colonialism! It’s the same at the cottage at the Lake (I love {sarcasm} the fact that your car gets washed EVERY morning – even when it didn’t move the day before)… That is in the city! And then I think of my day in the Village at my grandparents – now that is rough,(and even they have more than others have) – it dawned on me as I walked the village with my dad – seeing how little people have! An old woman who has a tiny little hut that leaks when it rains such that my dad gave her money and told her to get someone to fix her roof; the kids that run around with torn clothes falling off their bodies (some of them branded) but you know all too well that those clothes are probably the result of some tourist’s kindness while passing through and it is worse for wear having seen its fair share of days. Am also amazed at how innovative they are too! We walked past one house – they were making popcorn – in a home-made pan! My only concern was that there was no lid so I wondered what would happen when the popcorn pops? But am sure they know how to deal with it – after all, this is their methodology! I realise how easy we have it – it really is a hard knock life for them!!! And despite all think I realize that no matter how far I go in life, no matter how too far removed it may seem from my life, I never ever want to forget my roots, even if I may not have experienced it all as they did or do!

We had a lovely few days at the lake! This trip has been special in that it’s been a long time since I was in Malawi with my dad and I really have tried to make our times together memorable! We spent 3 days at the Lake in Salima (Central Malawi) and that was magical! We stayed in a lovely cottage that I hadn’t revisited since I was 10! Dad and I played in the water a lot and that was magical – we rolled in the sand – well, he did, just like he used to when we were kids and we would think it was funny! Now that I have discovered beauty routines such as exfoliating, I had better use for the sand. I took walks on the beach with me and my iPod and that was glorious! I watched gorgeous sunsets and human silhouettes, women casting nets into the water catching fish, kids bathing in the lake (yes as in bath with soap) - in fact more than kids – grown ups too! It was all just so special… One evening sitting on the Verandah with dad I saw flying ants drawn to the light above where he was sitting! I caught one and realized more were coming (it amazes me how I am not scared of them!). I looked at my dad showed him and reminded him how as kids we used to catch flying ants – they eat them here (and yes, once upon a time I ate them too – cringe!)! Upon noticing many more that came, the kid in me returned. I fetched a jug of water and went on to catch lots more (you throw them in the water so they don’t fly away)! Dad sat there and I could swear he saw his 7 year old daughter in her element!

My favourite moment (it was in fact more than a moment) was when I looked up and saw this big cheese-like yellow round ball in the night sky! Seriously! It was probably the most gorgeous moon I have seen in Malawi (I know I have seen one like that in Cape Town too). It was so beautifully amazing and I realized that for the first time ever in my living memory, I actually saw the moon over the lake (bearing in mind I left Malawi at the age of 11 when I didn’t have appreciation for things like the moon – so it could be possible that I had seen it before just never noticed it). I called everyone to have a look! In this moment I was so glad there were people around cos though I had been sitting outside alone, there was no way I could let this moment go by without sharing it with others – it deserved more than just me!!! And whilst looking at this amazing yellow ball casting its light over the beautiful waters of Lake Malawi – yes I wished I had one of those gigantic cameras again, but instead I opted to send a smile heavenward!

This trip is proving to be really awesome! I don’t have many friends left in Malawi! Unlike now, growing up I was a girl of very few friends (I was picky at a young age!) and mostly played with my brothers and their friends (boys were better then, except when I played with dolls)! But Zohra is the longest standing friend I have had since childhood – and what an amazing woman she had grown into! I met her in my 3rd year of school and still here we are! So coming to Malawi, besides my family centres around her a lot – we grew up in each other’s homes! But this trip has been different in that I have also met up with 2 other long lost friends - who are also Zee’s friends cos we were inseparable. One of them actually being one of the first boys I recall ever having a crush on at the age of 9 (and he has a crush on me too!)! We talked about it now and laugh about it (we never used to speak to each other then!) – life has a funny way of doing a 360 degree on you taking you back to where you started! I have just spent this afternoon with another really awesome friend and that totally fed my soul and am overflowing (plus I dragged him for a run with me last night – my first one since I’ve been here– that was our deal before I came!)! Most people I knew of my age who grew up in the city – (in Blantyre) left the country to the US, UK and wherever else life took them – I guess I am one of them too! But what is really nice is that people are coming back and how this country needs them! Malawi is so headed in the right direction but what it needs is the young people who have left and been exposed to other economies to bring their experiences back home!!! The sun is really shining on Malawi (and you can take that literally too cos its far too hot and in true me style, my skin is not liking it reminding me how susceptible I am to heat rash…Grrrr…). And Mosquitoes!

However, all this said I have realized that what I love the so much is the fact that Malawi is so unspoilt and so untouched!!! I have tried to capture pictures of this vast lushness but not even that can do it justice! We did a mini road trip from Lilongwe to Blantyre and I was totally awestruck at all this untouched land – masses and masses of it! Sometimes being a 3rd world country definitely has its perks! My country, poor as it may be, is just beautiful beyond words! I remember one of the Tourism Board slogan on Malawi some years back used to be ‘You will love Malawi’ – how so true! Its such an easy place to fall in love with (and am not saying that just cos I come from there as my new passion for Malawi was really only borne recently!)

Needless to say times like these give one time to reflect ! And that I have! I find life sending me the same recurring message it has been sending me all year that I need to live out my life purpose! I think it’s the same message I have been evading and it has caught up with me even on home ground and I definitely can’t evade it anymore! And I have started taking those baby steps! Looking at this year as it has been, I really couldn’t imagine ending the year in a better place than here – home settles you, calms you and really puts things in perspective for you! Being here has given me a new passion for life and boy is there a lot to be passionate about! I look at people here and wonder who I would have been had I been uprooted to Cape Town when I was! I will never know the answer! I look at these happy people! I look t at the 4 x 4s ( upon which I comment to Keith that people here have lots of money cos they all seem to have 4 x 4s then he reminds me that it’ s because they need them – the roads are not always a guarantee!). I have one more week left – which I will mostly spend at the lake with me and after a few days with some friends… One thing I know for sure is that I wouldn’t change my life for anything or anyone else’s! I love it just as it is! And I love this place and its people!

4 Countries in 3 days... Africa in all her beauty

2010-12-22T12:22:00.002+02:00

4 countries in 3 days… Yup, that’s what lay ahead of me last Thursday morning when I was up early, waiting for my dad & co to come pick me up! When I saw the car my first thought was ‘is there any space in that car for me’ and the second thought was ‘is this car not overloaded’? And no I didn’t stop wondering there – my biggest worry in fact was wondering if one would be able to see through the rear-view mirror – because I knew that at some point I would be doing the driving! But much to my surprise we were not the only car that was loaded as such – cars coming down from JHB to CT were equally laden…. And so began the great adventure – 4 countries in 3 days!!!
Having had 2 hours sleep I literally fell asleep within the first hour. I needed it... I knew the next 3 days were going to be strenuous and full of interesting experiences, but I think the one thing I did was to underestimate the beauty that lay ahead of me!!! I had done this trip before when I was 18 but somehow I got so much more this time round – growing up really changes your perception. Anyone who lives in Cape Town is entitled to bragging rights as to how beautiful Cape Town is (because it is) – we go on about it, that’s just how it is! But going more and more inland I realized that there is plenty beauty inland too – of a different calibre. And it was breathtaking… Going inland, where they get summer rains, it was so lush and the rolling hills created the most picturesque landscape! Little did I know that this would be the scenery that would follow me all the way – from South Africa’s inland, through Zimbabwe, into Mozambique and even right up to Malawi! Africa in all her beauty! What was also interesting was the clouds (yes, Geography was one of my favourite subjects at school)! In Cape Town we get the whispy cumulus clouds and as you go inland we get the puffy nimbus clouds – and how beautiful they are (I call them dreamy clouds)… And the familiarity of them!!! I sat in the car trying to figure out what shapes they made – I saw a bear and what looked like my friend’s puppy…
I knew I was in real Africa when we had crossed the border into Zimbabwe and had to slow down to let the goats cross the road! I thought of my friend Shai who came with me to Malawi 2 years ago and we took turns driving – at one point while she was driving she wanted to just stop abruptly and was somewhat irritated – she just blurted out ‘why do the goats have to cross the road when am driving!!!” And then we laughed and have probably never stopped laughing at the memory of this! Driving itself was an adventure. My first stint was from Colesburg and was really only meant to be about 5 hours or so… But when dad took over at dusk he struggled with the light and so I took over again – and I drove all the way into JHB – 8 hours later, with a major detour due to the flooding caused by the rain! I found myself driving in the farmlands and at about 1am we were finally in JHB! For some strange reason I found myself driving again the next night – this time I drove ALL night long – except for about 2 hours when I pulled over at the petrol station and decided I needed to sleep (Ironically one of the CDs we had playing had a song I knew as a little girl by the Commodores – ‘Night shift’ – and I laughed at how true it was – ‘It’s gonna be a long night, on the night shift…’). We were in Zimbabwe by now. We had arrived in one of the smaller towns – Masvingo around 22h00 and we were pretty convinced we would find room in the Inn – but alas, just like 2000 years ago, there was no room in the Inn and so we decided to just carry on. But the road in Zim is not quite as wide as the one in SA and nor is it as smooth, add to that the fact that most of the traffic passing - either in the opposite direction or overtaking me – was trucks! Massive trucks with heavy loads at that… And their lights were almost blinding me at times! How I didn’t veer off the road in fear that it was heading for me, I don’t know!!! At one point everyone in the car was asleep but me – this was probably the time I needed the most company but realized that everyone was exhausted! I had 2 interesting encounters – out of nowhere at full speed, I saw some sort of buck on the side of the road in all its gracefulness – it was beautiful! And later, much to everyone’s alarm, 3 wild donkeys ran into the road, almost causing an accident with the on-coming car (thankfully I had seen them in time and slowed down to avoid them but the on-coming car was flying!). Later on chatting to dad I found out that there was a stretch we would drive through that in fact had lions! I had hoped they would come out to play, but maybe I need to do another trip for that!
A weird thought for me throughout the trip was how roles have changed! Yes, I will admit that at times my dad’s driving made me nervous! And I couldn’t help but think of the time when dad’s driving seemed the safest and now I trusted no-one else’s driving but my own!!! And he seems to trust my driving too… Anyway, we made it to Malawi in one peace, experiencing all sorts of officials along the way – some legit and some wanting something for themselves - sometimes discreet and in some cases they would blatantly ask you if you had something for them for their ‘Christmas box’! We had many an experience indeed - especially at the borders (including arriving at the wrong border post) and this provided much laughter for us! We were never short of entertainment.
So yes am home at last and its wonderful!!! I love this place more than I realize I love it! I love its people too! When I meet people around the world telling me Malawians are friendly, I believe it cos everytime am home I see how wonderful these people are! Malawi still has a long way to go but its coming along so wonderfully! I think both my dad and I were equally taken aback noticing all the changes that have taken place since we were both last year! The 3 major cities are developed enough but the rural areas are really rural and there is poverty – but one thing about Malawians is how hard working and dedicated they are! This is evident in the rural areas where you will find everyone tending to their piece of land! Malawi is such that almost every household in the rural areas survives by means of subsistence farming. There are no grants, no sense of entitlement, no sense of privilege – everyone here knows that if they don’t provide for themselves, no-one else will! And you would think that having so little they would hold on to it – but without even being biased, Malawians have got to be amongst the most hospitable people I am yet to come across – it can be quite humbling actually being on the receiving end of it all!
Of course in the city life is very different and can be quite luxurious and I think my holiday culminates in a healthy mix of both!!!
Yesterday I went to my dad’s home – where he grew up as a little boy and young man and eventually left after getting an education and starting his life in the city! Some of his siblings have remained and am grateful for all his efforts to better his life! But still each time I am here I return to my roots! Yes, it was a lot more fun as kids going there – into the bundus, the most remote areas you can imagine – and we never wanted to leave! Only now as a grown up you realize how much these conditions are difficult to live in and how much the people struggle - a life I have never known thanks to my parent’s efforts in bettering their lives – and ours in return… But in all this, I realize that despite their struggles, these are happy people. They have little but they are happy! It is almost impossible to draw a line from where my dad started off to where I am now – the 2 worlds are light years apart but the one thing that makes it evident that this is where I come from is the value system that has been carried through the generations – and that’s why it’s lovely going back home…
And after all these years, my favourite feature is still the ‘bathroom’ – it’s outside, made of bricks and has no roof – in fact it’s dilapidated –its been there for years. In season, you have the avocado tree glaring at you (and may have an avo or two drop in to join you for a bath)! Though they have now build a new bath, I refused and chose to use my favourite – and I felt like a kid again!
And of course my Chichewa has gotten progressively worse which poses a bit of a barrier with the oldies! In the rural area Chichewa is the spoken language but you find more and more people who can string together an English conversation which is awesome and comes in handy for me but I really do struggle which means that most of the time I need someone who can translate for me!
This morning dad and I went to the nearby cemetery – I have never been there before… But it was interesting. I never met my dad’s grandfather who seems to hold a lot of importance in our family and dad has told us so much about him, but today I saw where he is buried, similarly with his grandmother – it really was a bit of a history trip whilst at the same time learning about your family! This is something I would never have appreciated in my younger days! Special moments!
And just like that, at the end of the day, I find myself sitting in a lovely cottage on the edges of the beautiful Lake Malawi, living a somewhat luxurious life for the next few days… A mere 2 hours separates these 2 worlds for me… I sat watching the gorgeous sunset and just took in the moment… I love my life of contrasts!

Not my declaration of Independence

2010-11-16T00:11:00.006+02:00

By no means am I a feminist… No thanks. I believe women are capable of doing a lot – I don’t know if I claim equality but I do believe that men and women have differences that complement each other! I believe we were made different for a reason! I think the one thing I am jealous about when it comes to guys is the fact that they can run topless and not worry about any wobbly bits! Though on the other hand being a girl, that is also a site I totally appreciate, especially this time of the year in Cape Town!

So what triggered this piece of writing is a song that was playing randomly in the background while I was working… While I have heard this song many times – and sang along to the chorus too, I have never really thought much about it! But, as a procrastinator, this time it gave me something to think about – so I googled the lyrics. Beyonce – or is it Destiny’s Child –

‘The shoes on my feet , I've bought it; The clothes I'm wearing, I've bought it; The rock I'm rockin', I've bought it; 'Cause I depend on me; If I wanted the watch you're wearin', I'll buy it; The house I live in, I've bought it; The car I'm driving, I've bought it… I depend on me’…

Bad English – shoes on my feet, I bought it??? Should it not be ‘them’? Unless of course she is a one-legged girl and as far as I know Destiny’s Child’s girls (or is it Destiny’s Children then?) are all 2 legged…

Over the years I have found myself having to depend on myself too – be it because I was single or because my significant other was in a different geographical location… So yes I could so easily sing along to that song and mean every word of those lyrics cos its true… But am not sure this state of independence is always worth such a forthright declaration? And I don’t want to debate, it’s just a thought am putting out there… Independence… Yea, am independent alright… I do remember changing my first light bulb myself – firstly the fear of the bulb breaking in my hand (and worrying if the switch was REALLY off - I can’t always figure that one) – then the elation at the fact that I had done it alone - and it was working!!! Subsequent to that there have been many other success stories in other areas that are typically ‘male-domains’ that I have had a go at and succeeded!

Recently I underwent another similar experience that just reminded me of how much I hold within myself – and that actually, a woman alone can accomplish a lot – but sometimes with the help of a man – buying a new laptop. In one breath, it reminded me of how independent I am and at the same time, of the importance of the role a guy plays in my life. I have done so much this year that I consider privileged to have done on my own without relying on a guy – privileged purely based on the fact that I learnt a lot in the process and nothing else (given the choice I would probably opt for a man’s help!)! Sure it’s handy when a guy is around, but if they are not, it doesn’t mean life must come to a halt! You simply make a plan! Though on Saturday while having lunch I ordered a Grapetiser which I couldn’t open and I looked at Grant, handing him the bottle I simply said, ‘man, here, open!’ (and yes, ashamedly - and unintentionally- I neglected to say 'please') – and just like that he opened it and I knew there and then that life would be pretty hard without men- even for the little things! And let’s face it, they too like being made to feel important! They are handy – and beautiful too (again especially this time of the year – though come to think of it am not sure about the effects of Movember… some of the sites am seeing don’t leave much to be desired – but well done guys!). But seriously I do believe that men and women take pride in serving one another – we are often too proud to show it though. My take is that it is a mutually beneficial affair if you ask me!

So back to my laptop buying adventure! I suddenly understood why God made man – and then gave us his rib! Wow, what an exercise – I know nothing about computers so to me RAM and Intel Core i3 mean nothing – wait, MEANT nothing! But apparently it all should mean something (and now it does)– depending on what I wanna do with my laptop. But thank goodness for the men in my life! I bought my new laptop with my best friend’s husband – over the phone. I was telling him over the phone what laptop I was looking at and he would google it and give me his opinion – this was done across 2 shopping centres – while he was at work! Yes we need men! But you know what, this whole exercise just made me realise how I can use this very space I am in – the space of being woman alone to empower myself – because it is often too easy to rely on the man in our life – but when he is not there, why not use that time to learn about things you wouldn’t normally be exposed to??? That’s what am choosing to do with this time. Because I had no choice, I had to do the research myself – and now I know more about computers, anti-viruses and even setting up my own modem at home - things I would never have known had Mr Man been around… Which is also probably why I don’t have a plasma or surround sound or an iPod docking station (at least I know what they are!)!

There is much to be said and debated on this topic - but that's not what am aiming at here! I just had some random thoughts that crossed my mind at some odd hour! So yes, when the song comes on saying ‘all the women, independent, throw your hands up at me’, I am most likely to be the first one to throw my hands up (and probably sing at the top of my voice too after a glass or 2 of vino). Independent, yes I am – that is my declaration. But that we don’t need men? No, am afraid. I for one, am as independent as I need - and want- a man around. Hands down.

Fighting with a GPS

2010-10-31T22:23:00.011+02:00

Ok, so I have never been a GPS person (or Satellite Navigation System thingies – whatever they are called) and have sworn never to get one... The closest I ever came to having a GPS was Tom Tom - but my Tom Tom was of the human kind...
So I have this phone which I have had since February. Much as they tried to convince me otherwise, my aversion to Blackberries (which is pretty similar to my aversion to GPSes) led me to get a Nokia E-Series. Let it be known that the Nokia was the first mobile phone brand I owned and it will be the last too. I am just a Nokia girl - period. So yes, even free text messages will not convince me otherwise – sorry Blackberry...

So yes all this time I have known that my phone has a GPS system on it and I couldn't really be bothered. Much as it has always been a controversial discussion, I pride myself in being one of those people (women) who is brilliant at finding directions - really. I used to have a map book but threw it away 5 years ago during the time I was out of Cape Town for a year - besides, there are so many new roads such that the mapbook was probably outdated... I loved reading maps – and I could do it while driving too! By the time I came back I decided I knew CT well enough to not need a map book. Needless to say I hate driving in Johannesburg... Don't even try giving me a map or telephonic directions!
So when the GPS era came about my first response was 'I don't need one' but that time I was definitely in Tom Tom mode so I didn't mind too much - but my take to this day is still that I don't need one. I phone you, you give me directions over the phone once we have established a common landmark or street. Sorted. Hakuna Matata.

So today I was heading to Camps Bay to meet some friends for a hike... I knew pretty much where were to meet though not the exact spot. Directions had been sent to me but I brushed it off thinking I will read closer to the time or I will phone...
Yesterday my friend sent me a text message asking me to forward her an address as she needed to punch it into her GPS. Now, she is good friend of mine and bless her socks for asking but my response to the text was 'What? You mean you are a GPS girl?'...
But obviously all this reminded me that I have a GPS on my phone so heading off to Camps Bay this afternoon I decided I would try my GPS.
I now know why I never liked them in the first place - me and them have a totally different way of thinking. I have been going to Camps Bay for years - and somehow Mr GPS thought he would throw me a new route! And that included doing a U turn off De Waal Drive to head back to the Southern Suburbs –clearly according to him, my heading towards town/Table Mountain was going the wrong way… In 200m do a U-turn – I would have loved to have seen the look on my face... At that point I was convinced the GPS was smoking something. Nevermind the fact that just before that, while on the highway (M3) it told me that I was not on the road. And yes, I talk to things so I was like 'dude, I am on the highway' - I guess maybe I thought I could talk back to it since it was talking to me – it also told me several times to turn where there were no turns... Sigh. It would have been one thing if it was simply trying to recalculate the route, but it was telling me to go in the opposite direction! So my GPS and I fought ALL the way to Camps Bay – like Frank, I did it my way, I took my route!

I must say that after sometime I noticed that Mr GPS was actually starting to get things right... But he needed to convince me. Soon I was near my destination but not knowing exactly where I needed to be, I decided that I would give Mr GPS a chance... So I listened and did as he suggested... We went up and around towards the mountain, winding along the streets of Camps Bay. Eventually he tells me that after 300m I must turn right and I would have reached my destination. Am thinking 'this does not look like where I should be' so I decided he was wrong. I phone my friend and attempt to get directions - they are not sure how they got there because they used their GPS! Oh dear- do people really use these things!!! So I retype the street address and decide to give Mr GPS a second chance... He takes me the exact same route and tells me again that after 300m I must turn right and I would have reached my destination. So I decided to listen and do as he tells me... And I carry on and what do you know - I was at the right place! Blush blush, embarrassed face, swallow all my pride in shame of undermining his knowledge…

I had accused Mr GPS of smoking something all the way - but really, if you knew what he was telling me the first half of the trip you would have thought he was smoking something too... But apparently he wasn't...

I couldn't help but think of the ‘direction saga’ between men and women! Men and women will never agree on directions which is probably why a GPS could save your relationship! But I think today I even defied those odds - I fought with a GPS! Which leaves me to wonder if it does make a difference at all to a relationship (if you are stubborn like me it probably won’t) - or perhaps if I change the voice to that of a woman will I learn to trust it more – though I really do think women suck at directions - but I am no scientist and can't prove that?
So now I have newly earned respect for GPSes but still my views haven't changed. I don't need one. I have a brain, I want to use it - so what if I get lost? More adventure right? Am glad my GPS works, but for now I will continue to rely on me – and my inner GPS – after all, it is my inner GPS that has gotten me to the very place I am in life...
I think one question I would like to ask about GPSes – is it that we are just becoming lazy – or is it a matter of convenience?

Creating my business card... My new identity...

2010-10-25T21:24:00.004+02:00

So it’s just 4 more days left and I will be saying bye to the corporate world! A world that I have lived in for the past 7 years. I have prided myself in my achievements and have identified myself by the positions held within these 2 global organizations – but come Friday at roughly 16h00, I will simply be me, just my name, no official title, no association to any well respected organization – just 100% ‘me’ – whatever you call me… No business card – I am about to become my own business card – and what title will go there? I could think of a whole lot of titles that I could give myself – but who needs titles? I am enough! My name is enough. In fact sometimes even my name doesn’t matter – my presence alone is enough…

So 6 weeks ago I made this decision. I have not looked back. And not once have I wondered if this decision was right for me – it still feels right – in fact it feels more right with each passing day and my soul seems to come more alive everyday as I prepare, not for my last day in corporate, but for the first day of the rest of my life! This is me and this is what I was made for. I couldn’t be more convinced.
So yes, today is payday – my last payday! Again, for so long I have lived in the security of knowing I have a monthly income coming in. It has been a source of comfort and it has allowed me to do many things I wanted. That too is coming to an end. No guarantees now, but even that thought doesn’t seem to scare me. Thankfully I have hands, and a brain… These hands are not going to be idle with despair, neither is this brain... The rewards I will reap may not be in monetary form, but one thing I know for sure, they will be priceless and worth more than that pay cheque I have been getting every month…

I realize more and more as I get to know myself how much I hold within me – I have never felt more empowered, richer and complete as I feel now – so much possibility lies before me! I will never have this time in my life again. I feel like life is literally only about to begin! What the last couple of years have taught me about myself is that I thrive in the unknown – I think I have made the unknown my best friend and we can walk hand in hand, knowing that there is nothing to be afraid of, and that all I need, I already have.

So I know there will be tough days – on these days I will wear my red shoes and my red lipstick. There is something about my red shoes that makes me feel on top of the world. The combination of those shoes and my multi-coloured (turquoise, purple, green and blue)handbag somehow always makes me feel like the most beautiful kaleidoscope and when I feel like that nothing else matters! Both my red shoes and bag came into in my life at a time that I was becoming the woman I always wanted to be – and the best part is that they really don’t match anything – so when I wear them, or carry the bag I look like a rainbow – and I love it! I saw them and fell in love with them instantly – the shoes, I saw them, left the shop saying I will come back tomorrow – if they are still there then it means am meant to have them (the silly things we make ourselves believe) – they were still there the next day. I visited the bag for weeks every Sunday in the shop window - I literally would say ‘it will be mine, oh yes, it will be mine’– I would talk to it and tell it to wait for me (I was buying time trying to come to terms with spending so much money on a bag – I don’t do bags) and eventually I told the owner to phone me when there was only one left in stock! I got the call – but to tell me it had been marked down by 50%. Our conversations through the window ended that day as I took dear bag home . All strange really as am not a shoe or bag girl – am a almost tomboy for crying out loud - or at least I used to be – yes even if I still wear lots of pink! But even quasi tomboys can wear heels and carry pretty handbags… Life is so much brighter with this rainbow pair – literally – and on those miserable days, we will face life together in all its brightness and smile as if there is nothing to worry about! As for the red lipstick, I don’t actually own one – but it just felt good saying that!

Maybe am just a pathetic optimist but I like what I seem to be seeing! I sense success and reward. Success and reward that corporate could not have given me. And yes, your definition of success is probably very different to mine. For starters, to me money is not success! Not even a Q7 is success(yes, as much as I LOVE it) - I like it for its safety features… What’s my definition of success? Lets keep that for another day!

The quality of life that I, for so long dreamt of seems to be on my doorstep – I didn’t wanna dream anymore I wanted to make it a reality… And I knew it would be possible… And deep down, I know that even though I am about to start on a certain path – a path in the line of work that I am familiar with, this is not where my success will lie – its not going to happen over night, but am headed in the right direction – remember what they say about the journey of a thousand miles? I am taking the first step – and yes, I’ve made sure that I have good shoes with good cushioning – don’t wanna get shin-splints along the way. This is just the gateway, the stepping stone if you will, to greater things yet to be – ‘I was put on this earth for greater things’ – I wrote that in my little black book randomly in October 2008… It is now time to step out in faith, with a beaming smile on my life, indulging in the very essence of who I am , confident in the woman I have become – I have waited for too long, I have made excuses for too long, I have been afraid for too long - it is now time to go and reach for those greater things – time to go and personify my self-made business card…

I do one thing every year that scares me!

2010-09-23T00:03:00.009+02:00

So it has been long coming... But I probably didn't have the guts to do it or I was just in a comfort zone! Baz Luhrmann says in his Sunscreen song 'do one thing everyday that scares you'. I have always loved that piece of advice. Being the person I am, that is something that I actually would take literally and have done! Like walking up to a total stranger on my mum's 55th birthday, a woman in the shopping centre and giving her a bunch of flowers and telling her that its my mum's birthday but since she is no longer around to recieve them, I thought someone else should enjoy them... But doing something everyday that scares you is almost impossible simply because most of us are locked away in our offices most of the day - but why not blow a kiss to the person in the car next to you while you wait for the traffic light to turn green - its scary cos they might think you are a freak and reject your wonderful gesture - and we all hate rejection - but its fun and lightheartead! Or, (something that is really on my to do list) drive behind a siren-whining police vehicle or ambulance in peak hour traffic - after all, everyone gives way right - why be stuck in traffic? Isn't it your day to have someone give way to you? What is the worst thing that could happen - that is the scary part - if they catch you??? Yes I will do it one day, just like I plan on jumping onto a luggage conveyer belt at the airport (that too is on my list - and I know exactly how am going to get myself out of trouble should they try to prosecute me for it!)...

But what I have realised is that instead of doing something every day that scares me, the last couple of years have comprised of me doing something every year that scares me - though I think in my case it ends up being not so much something that scares me but thrills me! Amongst some of the things I consider scary or thrilling that I did include - 2005 and 2006 - bungee jump, forwards (05) and backward(06) - ok backwards was a little scary - but the adrenalin was unbelievable; 2007 - took the dangerous route up Table Mountain (India Venster), hanging and all in just jeans (and a top of course) and regular walking shoes, not knowing where were going and on an empty stomach - and then not finding our way back as it got dark (not long after that several tragedies happened on this dangerous route with several people people plummeting to their deaths); 2008 - sky diving - but that was just thrilling; 2009 - packing my backpack and setting of into the unknown for 3 months; and 2010 - quitting my job and trusting that I will still have something to eat for Christmas - or hoping someone will invite me for lunch! Man, I still need to buy those mince pies from woolies (and cream of course)!

Yes I did it! After 5 years of working for one of the greatest companies I just decided it was time to call it quits! What I have learnt over the past few years is that doing these seemingly scary - or thrilling things ultimately leads me to a place of ultimate joy and satisfaction! Don't ask me why! It drives my dad insane, I think my mum is better off where she is - not having to see me doing all this and my friends look at me and probably think - what is she smoking! But that is just me - living with wreckless impulsion and abandon! I am stubborn by nature and often when I think of something I will stick to it - people often think am just joking or being my usual dreamy self and they gawk when they actually see me doing it! And am at it again... Lots of people asking why I would leave such a great job! And great it was without denying...

But like I said to my boss, sometimes in life you just know the season is over. My season was over a while back but I kept trying to keep it alive until I couldn't...

What I have come to know about myself over the last couple of years is that while I enjoy corporate from the point of view that I get to interact with some of the brightest people I have ever met, my heart has had a greater longing for something else! I have a life to live and a world to explore. I don't wanna look back when am 60 - or even 40 and ask 'what have I done with my life' - at 60 I wanna know that I have lived my life to the full, laughed enough, played in and with nature, wrote to my hearts content, made other people smile and made their life journey worth while... There is just this deep desire within me to pursue the real things in life - and frankly, I wasn't gonna get that out of corporate! Sure it gave me the thinking space, the wonderful people I worked with, the money that allowed me to do all the things I wanna do - but I only get to live this life once and I wanna live it to the max! I have nothing against corporate, but I did my time and I will still be interacting with many corporates in years to come but corporate doesn't need me anymore, I need me, and I need and want me to pursue the things of my heart! Life is too short to take it too seriously or to spend it stuck in an office with a mountain view when you can be in the mountain falling off your bike!

So I decided to answer my heart's call and decided to find a way of combining my corporate experience and being the humanitarian I am... And that is the next chapter of my life!

So yes, come the 31st of October no more regular income -in fact today was the last salary I got transfered into my account - my last salary comes in the format of a cheque... How does it feel to have resigned? Probably ranks in my top 5 of one of the best things I have ever done!!! If not number 2 after my travels last year!!! Its scary yes but it feels SO right - I feel like am on top of the world - and I think even if all my material things were taken from me, I would still feel on top of the world - its something very deep, so intrinsic! I love the fact that I have taken myself out of my comfort zone and have taken that giant leap of faith! The kind of Faith that requires me to believe that now that there is no material/financial/job security left in my life, either I will find a solid ground to stand on, or I will be given wings to fly!!! I think am more likely to fly... Standing on solid groud just doesn't really tie in with my personality!

And what is amazing is, just like I wrote last year, sometimes in life you just have to show up. When you show up, life gives you all the tools you need. by showing up you are saying, 'hey Mr Life, am available, use me'. My showing up in this case was quiting my job! And you know what, Mr Life is already showing me where he wants to use me, and he is already giving me all the tools I need! Gosh we really do need to trust the process of life! I am amazed at how just making this one decision has opened up so many more doors already that seemed to have been waiting for me to make myself available all along! Well now I am, I have showed up! 30 has just been wonderful from start to the end - yes some turbulence along the way, but what a ride!

And the best part of it all - uncertainty and the unknown! Oh how they feed my soul!!!

A day in my thoughts - OK, an hour...

2010-09-15T23:36:00.000+02:00

So my initial experiment was to be aware of my waking thoughts in a 24 hour period and document this! Reason being that I am very suspicious of my thoughts and sometimes my brain worries me! Like really! If it’s possible for ones brains to have ADHD without the person actually having it, I think I am the prime candidate…
Am beginning to think that I have a very short attention span, (gold fish and me – we could be vouching for the same title) – no, I don’t think, I know, and am not just beginning to think or know, it’s been long coming, I just justify it to myself with the usual excuse – we live in such a fast paced world so we think at a fast pace! Or is it true? Why is it that by time I walk from someone’s office back to mine, I have already blocked out the 5 things I thought of on the way because I noticed something as I sat at my desk that suddenly grabs my immediate attention???

One of things that frustrates me the most is that for example, I will get up from the lounge to go and get or do something in the kitchen or bedroom. Most of the time, guaranteed, by the time I return to the lounge, whatever it was that I'd set out to do or get wouldn't have happened and so I have to get up again – after sitting there for 5 minutes trying to remember what it was AGAIN. What I've learnt is that am so easily distracted and whatever gets my attention along the way is ultimately what will win... Big problem! I have come to realise that this is just how I function and even how I think. My head has thoughts coming from a million different directions most of the time and the one that seems most appealing or challenging will win. In fact sometimes I find myself having to say to myself out loud ‘stop thinking’ – my brain questions everything and comes up with ideas that I don’t even know are possible!
I have tried meditating but even then my thoughts run away with me and when I try to re-trace my thought pattern, how different it ends up being from the original thought...
You know how in meditation they always recommend you picture yourself somewhere serene??? Well an example for me would be that I would picture myself sitting on the beach on a quiet morning before the sun is up! So I should focus on this – but what I would inevitably end up doing is think of the sand, which would make think of how a pearl is made, which would make me think of some beautiful pearl earrings, or the ones my mother gave me, then of my mother, then of my childhood – and before I know it – I am so lost in thought I don’t know what I was doing there to start off with! SLOW DOWN!
So I decided to capture my thoughts in 24 hours.

Am sitting in a conference and though am paying attention by virtue of the fact that I can hear the voice of the presenter, am actually looking out the window staring at the yachts outside. So many of them! I am also very much aware of those blue eyes belonging to the man in the corner – eyes so pronounced by the blue pullover he is wearing – totally distracted by his striking looks! I start wondering who owns them – the yachts that is, not the eyes (don’t worry, my thoughts confuse me too). I look at all the people hanging around outside and wonder if they don't work - they are just hanging around and oh yeah, I spot another hottie – you can see he is into his sailing, the typical camel-man kind of look. But then as I carry on looking suddenly I start imagining how wonderful it would be to sail around the world when I remember how my friend Sim and her dad started the Cape To Rio race some years back – think it was 2000, but had to turn back... Then I remember how I actually started learning to sail in 2005 and how much I loved it – even if I sometimes came back frozen and shivering! And then I remember how 10 years ago at this very venue we celebrated my best friend's 21st birthday – where have the years gone...
Then my thoughts do a complete 360 and take me back to the thought of sailing around the world. For some reason I find myself in the Caribbean basking in the sun floating from one island to the next – and of course the mere thought of the Caribbean gives birth to the thought of a pina colada... Which takes me back to South East Asia last year... Then I tell myself to stop and listen for a while! But as I attempt to do that I notice everyone is holding their phones in their hand, Blackberry or normal! Some are responding to e-mails, others texting, some on Facebook and still others playing games – I actually chuckle – we are so screwed up. We are such a technology age! What happened to the days of no cellphones? Yes, I'll admit to being one of those that is attached to my phone but the most liberating days I have these days are the days I don't have my phone. I could swear my cell phone almost ruined my last relationship – as if it needed any extra help being ruined! Yup, that's the ultimate truth – I have actually outgrown my phone. Some days I leave my phone at home on purpose, I feel so liberated when I do that. In actual fact what sux is that most days I have to carry 2 phones – my work one too. I have always thought people who carry more than 1 phone are dodgy. Just as I have always thought people with personalized car registrations have issues – I have a personalized car registration! But a silly one at that which maybe implies that I have silly issues! Oh the phone… having my phone with me makes my life unnecessarily busy and cluttered, and lets face it, the birth of cellphones saw the death of social etiquette. Nothing like having a cup of coffee with a friend on a gorgeous afternoon only to have to share that time with the phone. No am not pointing fingers at anyone, am equally guilty, I do it too. Cellphones are evil. I should learn from Tracey – she doesn’t give 2 hoots about her phone and half the time doesn’t know where it is – so I just phone her husband most of the time! The mere fact that this thing allows me to be in contact with the world via voice calls, text messages, e-mail and Facebook means that am never really out of reach –in fact am 400% accessible... Yes, I admit that when I wake up in the morning - and it is the alarm on my phone that wakes me up - I then check my mail and Facebook at the same time - how sad is that? But that said, I love the fact that the song I wake up to is '3 Little Birds'! In fact just this morning as I lay in bed waking up slowly I thought to myself how awesome it is that every morning I wake up to these words 'don't worry, about a thing; cos every little thing, is gonna be alright'. That thought made me smile this morning, how wonderful getting out of bed with the promise that everything is going to be alright! Am back in the room and listening again... And in no time it’s over (the conference that is) and its time to go…

So this was all in a matter of just less than an hour… Which made me realize, there is no way I could blog about my waking thoughts in a 24hour day cos that would take up an entire I don’t know how many pages of typing. But still I have been observing my thought patterns. My thoughts could drive me insane – sometimes there are so many it’s like they suffocate my brain! But the thoughts I love the most are the silly ones – they make me laugh! Like Mr Old Blue eyes- those eyes are like the sea! Sigh… I think when he says hello I go swimming in his eyes – that’s it, you have lost me at hello and I probably won’t be back for the rest of the conversation. Carry on talking till we meet again – am shallow that way – you talk, I hear you talking but my thoughts are far gone. Just like that man on the Ferry – the most sincere and honest eyes I have ever met… Thought I was going to keep those eyes forever! So yes, I can be fully present, talking to you, and sometimes even responding full heartedly, but if you only knew my thoughts you would save yourself the trouble and leave me to swim – oh wait, there is nothing to swim in… It just depends on who you are! I learnt it all from Ally McBeal!

Cleary this little experiment of mine did not work. I will keep it for another day! That very phrase 'I'll keep it for another day' immediately takes me to my favourite poem – The Road not taken… But instead of road am thinking ‘thought’… 2 thoughts come to my mind and sorry I could not carry on with both and be one thinker… I kept one thought for another day, yet knowing how thought leads to thought, I wondered if I should ever come back (to this thought)… I shall be telling this with a sigh ages and ages hence… Two thoughts came into my mind, and I, I chose the one that that needed more thought – and that has made all the difference!
One thing I have come to know about myself is that I am a thinker - but am also a lazy thinker! I think I would go as far as saying I love thinking, but I also know that sometimes when I think too much and can't grasp the vastness of my own thoughts I shut down - I become a lazy thinker! And with that, I think to myself, man, I wonder what thoughts Albert Einstein had in his head. What I would do to travel back in time and be a wall fly observing his thoughts! And as am finishing this, and thinking about Albert Einstein, am suddenly thinking, ‘what makes other people more clever than others?’… But that is a thought for another day!

In the land of Cows...

2010-09-12T16:12:00.015+02:00

It had been 3 years since I last visited. It was time to go back! Anyone who knows my life story knows of the strong association I have with Holland! During the World Cup I wore my Dutch scarf with pride and without fail! In fact I converted a couple of people along the way too!
The first time I went to The Netherlands was 2001! It was also the first time I left Africa! My association to Holland started 2 years prior because of a young man who I refer to as my first love! We met when we were both 19 and he was in Cape Town for 6 months! But in that time, without having even met the family, I grew to know them over the phone and email- there was no skype those days!
By the time I got to Holland 2 years later, I felt like I had arrived home. These people that I had never met before made it feel like home and it is perhaps because of this that I find myself returning time and again. From the grandparents, to the aunts and uncles, cousins and what-nots, everyone made me feel like the world revolved around me, that I was part of the family and I fell in love with these people, the people I now know as my Dutch Family!

So this year I returned after not being back for 3 years. Last time I was there, my little ‘sis’ Gerjanne was pregnant and not long after that my ‘sis-in-law’ Marloes was also pregnant. Isa was born in October 2007 and Job in June 2008… I know their parents always told them about me and I received regular progress on how the kids were doing and couldn’t wait to meet them… Gerjanne and I are particularly close and I think in each other, we found the sisters we never had! When we are apart we talk a lot and when we are together its as if we have never been apart! So special.

At the beginning of this year with Toine we made plans of me going to visit, but as life always throws things different to us than we plan, these plans changed. But after searching my heart for all sorts of reasons I knew I had to make my way to the Netherlands…
And when I arrived it felt like I had never been away except for 2 beautiful new people – Isa and Job! Isa is a girl after my own heart– such a princess, everything in her wardrobe is pink or purple (ok, I actually don’t have that much pink or purple in my wardrobe), loves singings and loses herself to dancing even if she is dancing off-beat or if dancing simply means jumping up and down – as long as you are moving the body one way or another! I soon realized after getting there that my lip gloss would no longer be solely mine and that I would have to share each time I put it on as was for my nail polish. How precious showing a 2 year old how to blend in her lipgloss. Isa does not speak English but she learnt some English for Aunty Moo – namely ‘I am Isa’ and the one that melted my heart ‘I love you Moyra’! And unlike most kids her age, she actually pronounces my name right! Isa and I fell in love at first sight and no need to say how much I miss her now that I am back. She has become my sole inspiration to work on my Dutch as I forsee many conversations between me and her in the future – she is a little Miss Chatter-Box. One of Isa’s duties was waking me up in the morning… She loved it and so did I! Though most of the mornings I would be awake already, when I heard her coming up the stairs whispering to her mum, I would always close my eyes and pretend to sleep. It filled her with joy when she woke me up… Such priceless moments in life!

It was so good to be with my family all over again and in the end I was glad I made the trip even if my original agenda was somewhat different!
And of course I had 2 of my very special friends visit me from London at different times! Tracy, left her beautiful little one year old with her husband to spend 2 days with me - and we explored Amsterdam! We dedicated those 2 days to eating. So it was poffertjies for breakfast and pancakes for dinner and anything else in between. And no, not even savoury pancakes – I have an addiction to cream so at any given time anything I ate had cream on it (and lots of strawberries too). What a wonderful 2 days of indulging! Trace and I also visited the Sex Museum which left us giggling like two 15 year old girls in their first Biology lesson on reproduction! But what fun! And of course the Red Light District and some coffee shops! We had so much fun… Girly fun!!! And of course what happens in Amsterdam stays in Amsterdam!!!
While Trace was there I also managed to meet up with a friend I met In Bali – Jelle – or Jelly as I call him! One of those reminders that this world is so small and reminded me of a saying that refers to the fact those who are alive never really part – we all meet again as long as we are alive – and so we did!

A few days later Nina and Simon arrived and I was back in Amsterdam with them. Nina who loves shopping was practicing self control so we found ourselves shopping for Simon (also because just that one day it was so hot and he didn’t have shorts – the next day was horrible again). It was just wonderful being with Nina! I miss Nina. And I know she misses me, so to just be together again was really wonderful! I felt so loved that my friends in London made these trips to come and see me – it made it feel like I had taken a trip to London-Town! Happiness!

My last few days were spent on a little Island called Texel. I had gone there to spend time with Toine as he was teaching Surfing at a summer camp! I naturally associate Islands with sunshine and just really wonderful weather but this was nothing like that! In fact it was short of storming the night I arrived. And to make it worse, by this time I was as sick as a dog – a really bad cold and I was feeling crap to say the least! We were camping and there was no sleeping bag so I ended up sleeping in a surf board bag on my first night! Now if I hadn’t been sick this would have been the most fun thing to do but being sick twists things a little but still it was quite an experience! One day the weather was good and we were on the beach and with a new friend I had made there, Cynthia, we walked a little stretch of the beach. We noticed lots of crab shells and as only I would, I convinced Cynthia to collect whatever parts of crabs we could find and when we got back we built our own crab! Silly fun but it was fun! Was great being on the Island and even if the weather hadn’t been great and even though I was sick, those last 3 days of my holiday were probably the best (and most important) of the trip! It doesn’t matter where you are, what matters is who you are with! The most hellish place can be transformed into the most beautiful haven if you are with the right company!

A lot of people thought when I went travelling to South East Asia last year I was going to do some soul searching or something deep at that level… I went to SEA to celebrate my life (if you read my article on Cherry-Blossom you will understand why). I was gone for 3 months last year, I was in Holland for 3 weeks – the only thing these 2 trips had in common was the ‘3’ – ok and maybe Toine - and crabs! I didn’t know this when I left but the 3 weeks in Holland game me more answers than I knew I was looking for. This trip to Holland, aside seeing my family also dealt with the most important matters of the heart in my life (it would appear my heart always finds its way to The Netherlands for some unbeknown reason). I needed to resolve some stuff and I needed to follow my heart. But in so doing so much more came out! Like my future and what I actually want to do with my life – I had been postponing this all year long and Holland seemed to give me the guts to go with it… I had time to think on this holiday – don’t think I’ve had time like that in a long time – no, not even in SEA- and I think this trip came at just the right time. So true how things happen just as they should and when they should – and not necessarily as we plan. Cos though I didn’t know that I was at this cross-road in my life, I realized I was there and now I had plenty time to think… At the end of the trip I had all the answers I need for now – yes we can never have enough answers, but the answers I needed I had, the rest of the answers will find me in their own time… Am going nowhere slowly. I think life is funny like that. You think you will go on a soul searching trip to South East Asia (though not in my case) and you end up having a soul-searching journey on a 3 week trip to Holland! Really! The surprise element of it all! And so at the end of this trip I made some BIG decisions that are about to start unfolding and yes, I am as excited as I am nervous – but I know this is right for me. I have a great life but I think most of my life I have lived in the comfort and happiness of that life! While I don’t wanna throw away the happiness aspect, its now time to get out of my comfort zone! This year has taught me so much about life and I guess my ultimate decision was that I don’t want my life to pass me by, so whatever part of it I haven’t lived yet, I am now going to live and live it passionately and abundantly! And am excited! And all this was sealed in my time in Holland!!! As I left Holland on the 19th I remember looking from the window on the plane at the fields below, with a lump on my throat and simply saying ‘Thank You’. I got from Holland more than what I had gone looking for! I went with one agenda and came back with another! I'd even go as far as saying that despite and in-spite of everything, this trip was in fact my best yet to Holland!

And of course my favouritest part of Holland – The cows! Man, I just love the cows there – they are the most beautiful and there are so many of them… And being surrounded by all these cows, I felt right at home!!! I know I will be back, Holland somehow has a little bit of my heart!

Cherry-Blossom girl...

2010-09-06T21:34:00.019+02:00

Lots of people have asked me about Cherry-Blossom... So here is her story... My story...
She was born on August 02 2008 as I drove on the N2, looking at Table Mountain, feeling totally overcome with the joy that is life while listening to a very symbolic song... I toyed with the name Blossom, I had always loved Blossom as a name, but as I approached the traffic lights in front on me, there it was loud and clear - Cherry-Blossom and I knew no other name would be more fitting...

For most of my life I have always been a joyful person, with an internal happiness which I attribute to my upbringing, my values and my Faith... Being happy is not something I have felt I needed to prove to anyone or justify. It is something that has resided in me and allowed me to be the very person I have been all these years! I have never depended on anyone (perhaps maybe only my God) for this. The one thing that I recall someone sharing with me in my early 20s was the difference between happiness and joy. That happiness comes and goes but joy always remains no matter what season it is in your life... It took me a while to understand and differentiate between the two but I eventually did and when I did, it was true for me too! I found an internal joy and found that where there was joy, happiness always followed.

So life had been plodding along beautifully and wonderfully! 2007 had been a difficult year at the beginning but the end of it was really wonderful. What is worth mentioning is that at this point in time I got back together with an ex boyfriend from 5 years back and needless to say we were both besotted and it was all bliss - or so we thought... But it wasn't long that this didn't feel right first from my side then eventually from his side too and then it was the dreaded break up not long into 2008! There was nothing wrong with the relationship, he just wasn't the one for me I guess. But that break up hit hard but it was possibly also the best thing that could have happened to me in my whole entire life... It made me take a good look at myself and ask myself why I was feeling so beat up about it? Why would I allow someone to determine how I felt towards life that it seemed so bleak? More so, I was like where is the joyful person that resides within you? Was my happiness tied to being in a relationship? I wondererd...
That begun the most beautiful journey of my life... I realised that while I was with him, I had allowed our relationship and him to determine my happiness... That was a huge wake up call. Why when all my life I'd been happy from within, why this time round was I allowing someone else to be the driver of my happiness? I remember saying to myself after that, 'never again will I let anyone EVER be responsible for my happiness'.

At that time I was also reading Succulent Wild Woman by SARK, one of my favourite books. I enjoyed it so much that I went and bought SARK's other book - Eating mangoes naked. I couldn't have read these books at a better time - they reminded me of how much I hold within me, and how much I exhibit too - that it's all up to me really! These books reminded me to celebrate the very person I am, how succulent I am, how ripe I am and how complete I am - just as I am - no extras needed! And that if I wanted to wear yellow shoes with a purple skirt and red top I could - if that's what I feel comfortable in - why not!

One night I was reading in my room - it was SARK and it was something really silly she had written about a squirrel that was waving at her - I found this incredibly funny (esp how she had written it too) and there in the midst of my room I laughed all by myself like I had never laughed in a long time... And the laughter turned into tears as I realised how powerful this moment was - I was happy again, on my own, laughing from the heart. It was beautiful and I cried even more... I got up, looked at myself in the mirror - I looked horrific - but in that moment I smiled at my reflection and simply said to the girl that stared back at me 'I am enough' - and since that day I have never felt less than enough...

SARK also shared a story about a time in her life that she wanted to remember. This had been a life changing time for her and she always wanted to remember this time. It was a happy time in her life so she wanted a name that would be symbolic of this - so she chose - and gave herself - the name Rainbow... I really liked the thinking behind it and thought what a great idea. But not once did I ever think I would follow in that... But apparently I did...

So why Cherry-Blossom??? For one, I just really love the name! It matches the earth child, fun loving, bubbly person in me! And then I thought of how beautiful cherry blossoms can be! As with most girls, we are so critical of our bodies. Part of this journey took me to a place where I grew to love my body for what it is, imperfections and all - I realised that I am beautiful hence the beauty of the cherry blossom became symbolic. But not only that, I also realised that I was blossoming into the very woman I had always wanted to be - and I loved that. I decided to google to get more info on cherry blossoms - only to find out that in Japanese culture cherry blossoms are a metaphor of the fleeting nature of life, moving from one space to another. Furthermore they are believed to be an omen of good fortune, and emblem of love and affection and that they represent spring. I was blown away at all this symbolism and how it really was about the very person I am and the space I was in, but I think what stood out was the fact the symbolism of transience...
I remember telling my group of my closest friends about the new identity. Yes, they thought I was smoking something - I don't blame them and they asked me many questions - among them - if I find myself in a different space will I give myself a new name? My answer to that was a No. I explained that I thought this time in my life was the most important time ever, where my foundation was laid, where I knew who I am and what drives me, where I realised all that I hold within me and how much I hold within me and that I would never have a time like this ever. So the rationale was to hold on to this name, that no matter what life throws at me, through its trials and tribulations, happy times and growing times I would always look back to this time in my life, the time Cherry-Blossom was born and remember how much I held within me and how much possibility lay before me... And that no matter what life threw at me, I would always draw strength from the person that was borne of Cherry-Blossom! And to this day, I love Cherry-Blossom for who she is and for what she means to me. I am Cherry-Blossom. Cherry-Blossom allows me to be the real me not the me that society wants me to be! And while travelling last year, a beautiful man introduced me to a beautiful song by Air - Cherry Blossom girl (and as only I would, I really thought it was written for me!)
Happy as my life has been all life long, thhe past 2 years of my life, barring my childhood, have been the best years of ever and often I am overcome by this internal joy and happiness. I actually am not even able to describe it... It all started with a break up, when I was crushed and it turned out to be the best thing life could give me, for out of that I found a joy and happiness that I never knew existed. I grew and am am continuing to grow but above all, I grew to love me, the essence of who I really am - and through that I became a better person to those in my world and beyond... So that is how Cherry Blossom came to be and as I write this, she is in full bloom. So who said breaks up are a bad thing? Look what I got out of it! Ripe. Juicy. Whole. I am Cherry-Blossom!

The Life Manual

2010-07-03T11:28:00.023+02:00

Yup... you guessed it - no such thing right... So I have come to realise. But really, how many of us have gotten used to relying on manuals. The new cabinet that needs to be pieced together needs a manual. The new microwave or washing machine needs a manual. And yes, even the new baby car seat needs a manual! Where would we be without manuals? Anyone who shops at Ikea knows that they would be lost without a manual! And so I think sometimes this is the very same approach we have towards life - we wait for a manual. Manuals are there to make things easier and more efficient right? And lets face it, most of us in life want a life that is smooth sailing, easy and well, just goes with the flow. But the thing about life, unlike other things is that it doesn't have a manual -we have to navigate through it on our own - no GPS or anything! And some of us are lucky enough to have people in our lives who guide us through and help us along the way - sometimes by just sharing their experiences we learn and grow! Manuals allow us to do things the right way, but who said you have to do life the right way? In fact, what is 'right'?

I have an aversion to instructions - where applicable I apply them but in most cases, I wanna try things on my own. I spent my childhood breaking things apart only to put them together again (my brothers should never have left me home alone while they went to boarding school)- and I did all this without instruction manuals (at this stage they probably thought I was a scientist in the making- every parent's wish but thankfully I turned into me - I like her)! Am not sure if this aversion is because my attention deficit when it comes to manuals is non-existent or if it's simply because I don't have the patience or its because I don't have a manual on how to read manuals or because am just rebellious that way? Though with all these questions I think I already know the answer and it's simple. I just like to do things my way and learn as i go along! Like how months later am still discovering things about my phone simply because I have never opened my phone's manual! Reading the manual would have made using it much easier and more effiecient... But unlike life, no easy way out and maybe that's why I like the fact that there is no life manual! Imagine how boring life would be if it were easy? None of us would have character.

6 months into the year I realise that so much has happened in my life - and in the lives of those close to me where one feels would have been better if there had been a manual. The first question that comes to mind is - how much would I really grow if I was following a manual? And how much would be exciting. Is following a manual really not like walking in someone else's footsteps - no matter how wise that person? What happened to taking the road less travelled so you can discover things on your own as you go along? A quote from one of my favourite reads, Eat, Pray, Love suggests that 'it is better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an immitation of somebody else's life with perfection'... Actually, she was quoting The Bhagavad Gita! But that said, how boring is immitation. As a little girl one of the things I noticed on a Fanta can was the part where it said 'an immitation orange drink'. Much as I loved Fanta then, it has nothing on real oranges!

But this year found me in a situation where I literally wished I had a manual - yes I admit to it!. Yup, relationships do this to us! We think they would be easier if there was a manual! After all, our heads are loaded with information on how men are from Mars and women from Venus therefore, treat him like this and he will do that or when she says this what she really means is that! Yes there is an element of truth to it, but that is a lot of fairy dust really (and don't get me wrong, I love fairies)! But each to their own. Am not saying there are entirely wrong but how much more would we be true to ourselves and our partners if we simply went with our hearts and not what the world suggests we do according to the World's Manual on Great Relationships - also to be found in GQ, Cosmo,, Men's Health, Women's Health and even Shape! I had a burning ritual of all my cosmos in 2004 and have never bought a copy since then! Thank goodness for that! Yes,I did wish I had some insights into it all - but perhaps this was also a growing opportunity - albeit a painful one - had I missed out on this chapter of learning because I was following instructions or a manual, I would have missed out on so much more that it has given me - and when I say that, I mean alot - I have learnt so, so much and grown - in fact we both have - and I believe I am richer for it all - though I do believe there are easier ways of learning what I learnt - but trust me to always take the hard way and go the long and wrong way round! But thank you life for not suppplying a manual but for allowing me to experience it first hand!

And then I think of my best friend who gave birth to a beautiful baby girl 2 weeks ago - what a beautiful little angel she is! But I recall oftentimes during her pregnancy, in anticipation for what lay ahead she would joke about how she wished there was a manual on being a parent. And this little life arrived - without a manual! And each day has its challenges. And while I know one can do research and read up on it all, each parent has to experience their child in their uniqueness, a uniqueness that no book could give you instructions on - of course certain things one can learn but for the most part, you learn as you go along. And that said, I know this precious little girl, much as her parents don't have a manual, will be given the most wonderful upbringing under her parents' care and guidance! Manual - nah, they can do without it. There is such thing as instinct after all. Advice - yes! Some sleep - definitely!

I am a big fan of advice - but give me advice not instruction - I wanna do it my way. I am open to advice and I suggest that most of us open ourselves up to that too. Be careful whose advise you buy, but be patient with those who supply it... And sometimes there is also a very thin line between advice and instruction - so be sure to discern between the two - perhaps there is a manual on 'How to discern between advise and instruction'... And then of course as mentioned above there is also instinct and yes we ALL possess it, but not most of us know how to harness it! I reckon when it comes to instinct the best thing is to be still, tune into it and align yourself with it! As Sprite once said 'trust your instincts'!

As for me, arrogant as it may sound, while I am on this earth I think I will do like Frank and do it my way! I will fall, I will graze myself and maybe even crack a few bones here and there - but you know what, I would rather have scars as reminders of 'how I tried' than to follow instructions and have blemish free skin (though that's too late for me now) - give scar tissue a chance, after all, its there for a reason - it must serve its purpose in life. I learnt to ride a bike in one weekend while visiting my childhood best friend in Malawi. I was 7 and had been waiting for the BMX my dad had promised me when I was 5 which hadn't arrived (I was also still waiting for the baby sister I so badly wanted that my mum was saving up to buy. So here I was, my friend could ride, I couldn't. But I got on the bike - no training wheels, no-one holding the bike for me nor showing me how to ride, I just went on a gentle downhill slope and let the bike carry me. Needless to say I fell a gazillion time, scratched and grazed myself - such that after some time it wasn't painful anymore, it became part of the experience.Needless to say when I returned home on Sunday, my parents were horrified at all the grazes all over my body but you know what, I had learnt to ride - and cycling is something I love to this day especially along the beautiful Cape Coast! I certainly did it my way! And my way isn't necessarily the right way (and by no means the safest or easiest - in fact it was just downright crazy and dumb), but it sure was my way. And that is perhaps also how I like to live - my way -guided by advice but instruction-free!

Would that I could be a cloud??? A very random piece of writing...

2010-06-17T21:33:00.003+02:00

This is what you end up writing about when you are not travelling or not feeling incredibly inspired - clouds! How very random indeed! Though that said, the very clouds brought some inspiration - perhaps not in the writing but definitely more intrisic!

I have always loved clouds! Ok, so I love most of the heavenly beings – the stars – well every little girl loves stars cos they sparkle – and you grow up still loving them; the moon is just beautiful – especially when it’s a cheesy-yellow giant ball hanging literally above your head; the sun makes us all happy… And clouds, well clouds have a mind of their own – unlike the others, they come and go as they please…

This week I have had 2 breathtaking encounters with clouds that have made smile and in those 2 moments nothing else mattered as I was drawn into their gaze – but then again, I am an earth child. 3 days ago on what was a rather miserable Cape Town Day - wet, icy and pretty much overcast, I sat in my office and looked out my window. I wasn’t surprised to see a cloud hovering – but this cloud was lined by the most blinding silver lining. I technically shouldn’t have been staring at it (my eyes were taking strain) but it was so breathtaking I couldn’t resist it, and out of nowhere – and totally unexpectedly, the sun appeared from behind the clouds… A smile crept across my face. And in that moment I thought of a phrase I have heard many times before – every cloud has a silver lining – and this one had the sun hiding behind it too – and I wondered if nature was speaking to me!

And this evening as I ran into the sunset, before the sun had started setting I remember staring at the wispy clouds in the horizon and thinking how they would make it a less than perfect sunset , I didn’t want the clouds there, they would spoil it all– because for some strange reason I think I have always thought that the perfect sunsets are the ones with no clouds! WRONG! It is these very clouds that in the end created the most beautiful colours in the sky this evening – colours I have never seen. The irony in all this is that as I watched the sunset I realized that the sunset tonight would have been less than perfect had it not been for those clouds. I even turned around and started running backwards – I didn’t wanna miss a minute of this sunset…

And then I started thinking… Clouds… I have always found them fascinating! My favourite thing when flying is to look out the window and look at the clouds below– they are so puffy and inviting and I often think they would make the best mattress… until I realize that if I were to lie on clouds, the only mattress I would find myself on would probably be hard ground…
I think my fascination with clouds lead me believe that the best running shoes (well at least the ones in my price range)are even named after clouds (sorry Nike, Addidas, Reebok and New Balance – Asics is one up on you) – though don’t be deceived, just because you are running in Nimbuses (or is it Nimbi) doesn’t mean that after running 21ks you will feel like you’ve been running on clouds- nope, it still feels like you’ve run it all on hard ground (and then you realize you have!)…

After my 2 encounters with clouds this week I realized that clouds are not such a bad thing – and that perhaps I could learn from them! In times of trial – the reminder that every cloud has a silver lining; when the sun gets too hot, cloud offer some relief; when there is nothing to hang around for, like clouds, perhaps we could learn to just float along and move on; when you need a holiday, there is always an island in the sky – you don’t need to go far to find one; and instead of keeping things inside of you, when you need to let it all out, just let your let eyes rain just as clouds burst (there is still nothing better in life than a good cry once in a while – ok for us girls!); and when you are bored get your creative juices flowing - clouds make different shapes - what is your idea of creative? And when you’ve had a great day, why not end it by brightening life around you – just as they did this evening...
I remember as a kid staring at clouds (that’s what happens when you end up being a quasi - only child – you sit and stare at clouds and look at the different shapes they make – I have seen dogs, monkeys, teddy bears and dolphins – and many more - courtesy of clouds! ) They are so creative! Now am just trying to figure out what’s on the moon – I still see the rabbit, I haven’t spotten the man yet!

Gosh at the start of this week I would never have thought that I would have sat and actually written about clouds – actually no, I don’t think I ever thought in my whole entire life that of all the things I write about, clouds would be one of them – (Or maybe my head is just in clouds - I wouldn’t pass that beyond me!). But this week they were there and they made their presence felt. This evening, in that moment I felt so complete watching that sunset with my attention focused more on the clouds than the sun – it is a moment I will never forget cos in that moment life was complete… Would that I could be a cloud – ascending, filling the blue, light and weightless, beautiful to view…

Clouds… Floating islands in the sky… But when they are done, they return to earth…

Life beyond South East Asia... Happy in Africa

2010-05-11T22:23:00.017+02:00

So it has been months since I last wrote on my blog - perhaps because what I have been feeling over the past few months is indescribable - because I still can't describe how amazingly awesome my travels were. Last week I thought that I should get back here and update my blog, but I never got round to it and amazingly I thought about it again last nite and I didn't but tonight as I shared my story with a colleague and looked at my blog, the inspiration came flooding back. I think part of it was that it just felt so bland writing now after all my adventures that I used to write about while I was travelling... But am back and ready to revive my blog with all sorts of things...

Its been 4 months since I have been back - time sure does have a way of flying! I have to mention this next part which when I look back now seems to be funny but wasn't on that day! My flight from Doha to CPT via JHB was the most turbulent flight ever! On the first leg to JHB the pilot gave a firm instruction for the cabin crew to take their seats due to the turbulence. While I had heard the pilot instruct the crew this many times, it was usually for taking off and landing… So we made it to JHB… And after the expected hour we are still not departing – and an announcement follows – we have a technical problem – they are trying to locate a certain part… Am already thinking, I wanna get off this plane – again, I have never been on a flight where I knew there had been a technical fault – I guess they never tell you – but these guys were kind enough to tell – and even when the part was found (I often wonder what would have happened if they didn’t find the said spare part!). And so we are on our way. By this time, while waiting I’ve been in touch with my dad and he sends me a message saying ‘ I can’t believe time has brought you back’ – and for some strange reason I choked on that. And into the air we go, and this time again turbulence. The pilots gives a command – very sternly ‘cabin crew take your seats’… and the plane is now doing crazy things and within a minute the same voice ‘cabin crew take your seats NOW’. By now I am thinking… this is it – really. The plane seemed to be going in all sorts of directions and dropping. I remember thinking, I went on this adventure, 3 months nothing bad happened and I even made it back to JHB and now I wasn’t going to see Cape Town ever again…
But I did and there at the airport were my dad, Tracey and Paul – who I hadn’t expected to be there – and the moment I saw them, all I wanted was to rub Tracey’s tummy – flat as it was, I knew there was a little life in there!!!

Back to my apartment! I forgot I had a car. Decided I would live my first meal fantasy and ordered sushi take away and was about to walk to the restaurant when I suddenly remembered I had a car. When you go 3 months without a car, you can forget that you have one. Needless to say the first day or 2 of driving needed special and careful attention! Whatmore, most of the roads had changed and I didn't really know which road or lane to take - but it was all looking so wonderful.
And so it started- everything returning to normal, meeting friends, laundry, going back to work, going gym, running and all those other things that comprise my life… And so it has been for the past few months…

But only God knows how much I still dream of those days. I seriously don’t think that as long as I live I will be able to describe what those 3 months did for me and meant to me – it is something so intrinsic that impacted on the very core of my being. I miss my life that I had there – that carefree life – walking in my pyjama shorts, meeting new people literally every day. I miss the people of South East Asia – and in particular, I have realised that I have a soft spot for the Balinese – and those children that rocked my world at the Orphanage! One great thing is that through facebook I keep in touch with most of them. I often recall my experiences and the lessons they taught me. I miss how I opened myself up and welcomed everyone into my life – I didn’t judge, it didn’t matter, I had the time. I walked everywhere so I met people. I was on public transport so I met people. Now I sit in my car and the only human contact I have is with Gareth Cliff on the radio. Even when I go running the people don’t always greet. We have so much to learn from people in South East Asia – a beautiful people.

I miss even the time before my trip – the time when I started preparing for my trip – the excitement, the anxiety, the fear of the unknown, packing my backpack, reading The Lonely Planet’s South East Asia on a shoestring, visualising what it would all be like, wondering why I was going. I was telling Tracey last week that to this day, I am not sure why I went on that trip. I remember touching down in Bali - well as we approached to land – I remember looking at the very land below me that was Bali and thinking ‘what am I doing here?’. Well, 6 months later I still can not answer that question but I just know that that trip was part of my life journey. Maybe the answer has come to me already? Or maybe it will come in the future? I think the reason I don’t know the answer is because that trip gave me so many that I don’t know which one to pick… Was it so I could make an impact in those kids’ lives? Was it so that I could get comfortable in my own skin? Was is so I would meet those people who I now call friends? Anna? Toine? Was is so that I could learn to just be and trust the process of live? Was it so that I could be reminded of how great my God is and how great His creation called earth is? I don’t know and am not necessarily sure I want to know anymore. I am totally content having this non-answer as my answer…

The other thing I know I feel is that I feel like I left a little bit of me there – in Bali. There is a quote that I have liked for a while that says something along the lines of ‘No matter where we go we take a little of each other everywhere’. Could it be that I went but instead of taking a little bit of Bali with me, I left a little bit of me there. Seriously, sometimes it feels like there is a little Bali-cavity in my heart. I am not done with that little Island. I must let go of what holds me back here and go - my precious friends, my cushy life and all those things and people dear to my heart... I need to go fill this little cavity. Yes I am scared. Because often I think of going back to start a life there… To work with the beautiful Balinese people, but the fear of the unknown grips me – oh ye of little Faith. Yup, that’s me. This very trip taught me about just showing up – and now am scared of that very thing. Actually not – am not scared of showing up, am scared of letting go. Of letting go of the life that is Cape Town… So much mixed emotion around that…

Am thinking of the next adventure. Kilimanjaro won’t happen this year – but watch this space. My latest craving is to do a cross continental road trip – just not sure which continent – Africa, South America or Australia… This is what am destined for… To explore the world. Its beautiful this world we live in. But you know what is even more beautiful? Its people… And they have so much to teach me…

But being back is great. I feel so revived and I wanna hold on to what my trip gave me… So yes, am still chilled and laid back about life and trusting that all will happen as is! I can so see how my attitude towards life has changed and am enjoying it! I learnt to live life the Balinese way - with simplicity and laughter - that's all they do...

Of course I came back to lots of wonderful things – Family and friends, Tracey’s pregnancy - and now with just 5 weeks to go, Nina’s wedding, did my 10th 2 Oceans Half Marathon, and yes even did the Argus again… But I guess the one thing I am loving the most since I have been back is the fact that I spend more time with me – yes, to the detriment of not being able to stay as close to all the people I would like to – but this time with me is important and I look forward to it and love it!

My fear, my only courage… Yup, just like 6 months ago I found myself singing this song in that little Balinese Reggae Bar, I need to tap into this fear again and find a way, one way or another of turning it into courage again… One of these days I will do it. I will sell the car, sell my belongings, leave corporate, sew my flags onto my backpack, pack it up and go again – where to, I don’t know. All this said and done, I couldn't be happier being where I am right now. Cape Town in where my heart is. I couldn't be in a better place. I often wake up in the morning and look outside and think 'I live in a beautiful place' - and even better, am surrounded by such wonderful people - where does a girl even begin to count her blessings? I don't know, but for now I need to get to bed…

Moments and thoughts of my trip

2009-12-31T04:06:00.017+02:00

Just some moments of my trip that spring to mind:

Best person I met: Ding-Dong (really!)
Funniest thing I heard: 'Nothing will cost you $4 so you better buy something' from a little Cambodian girl - though that said there were lots of other funny things I heard on this trip
My biggest learning: In life you just have to show up and everything else happens as it should. I showed up - in Indonesia, In Singapore, at the internet cafe, on the ferry, in Nha Trang...
Biggest lesson: Don't try to plan life, sometimes even ending up on crutches 4 days into your trip IS part of the plan, as is missing the bus!
Moment of reckoning: In Saigon, after refusing a moto-taxi cos it was too expensive, I whipped out my map, found my bearings and decided that I didn't care how heavy my backpack was, I would walk no matter how far it was - that was the ultimate backpacking moment (esp the part where you stand with the map and cross reference the street names)
Favourite People I met: So many but Toine and Anna top the list
Worst Decision: To go to Vung Tau
What I wouldn't have survived this trip without: Valoid and my other motion sickness pills - thank you (And Wherthers Originals for all the other times I didn't have my pills!)
The worst thing on this trip: I developed motion sickness - and my skin didn't like the heat!
Moment I loved the most: On Seraya Island I stood in our room looking out the window to the ocean and in that moment thought 'I am stuck in a moment I don't wanna get out of'
Most liberating moment: The moment I realised I didn't need to wear foundation!!! And not wearing a watch for the whole 3 months (except when I ran!)
New interest: Trees
Best news on the trip: News that my best friend is having a precious Little Nunu
Highlight of my trip: Children at the Orphanage and in Cambodia - too precious
Favourite Place: I think Gili Air or Seraya Island. Ubud isn't far off
Biggest win of the trip: Some amazing friendships
Moment of change: The moment I stopped judging people was the moment I opened myself up to the most amazing people!
Yay! Moment: When I got my Scuba Diving certificate! And found Nemo
Biggest accomplishment: I am not scared of germs and ate even with hands I knew were so dirty and wasn't bothered in the least bit!
Special moment: Reading my birthday journal on my birthday on the beach tears streaming down my face.
Bragging moment: I can say it now - I didn't get Diahrea (or however its spelt!)
Song of the trip: Cherry-Blossom Girl by Air (and I didn't know it before!)or maybe 'Hakuna Matata' as sang by the duo!
Best buy of the trip: My bright yellow bag from Lovina
Thought that made me content and smile: I am enough as I am!

Christmas in Vietnam

2009-12-27T08:23:00.038+02:00

See the video below of an intersection in Saigon...

So after spending a few days with Ran (and agreeing that we will see each other again either in Israel or Africa), it was time to part. I went South to Phnom Pehn my main aim there was to get my Vietnamese Visa. Phnom Pehn was chaos - the most chaos I had ever seen in my whole life (but that was before I got to Saigon!).

Cambodia really does have a sad story. There was a reason I didn't take History beyond standard 7(gosh, how was I to memorise all those names and dates? Trace and Jane, hats off to you and Mrs Human) - I just didn't like it and that song is true about me - I don't know much about History, I don't know much about Biology(I didn't take Biology either - Science was more fun with Miss Chudleigh instead!)... Blah blah blah...! But really, I never liked History though the older I've gotten the more interesting it has become - this getting older thing really does change you doesn't it. But in Cambodia it's almost impossible to elude history as it is in your face! You see the victims of the landmines with half limbs - for crying out loud, there are still some active landmines yet to be deactivated... And then you see a people only recently recovering from a genocide war! It happened between 1975 and 1979 - that's how recent we are talking - yes am all too aware of the Genocide that happened in our own Africa... So Cambodia was rather Sombre but a beautiful people really minding their own business. I arrived in Phnom Pehn and went straight to the Vietnamese embassy - it was only at this point I first thought - what if I actually can't get my visa for some unbeknown reason - up until then that thought hadn't crossed my mind - but thankfully the next day, I walked out the embassy, visa in hand, happy that I would finally be going to Vietnam. So my last day in Cambodia I spent at a museum and killing fields!!! Horrific stuff! Sometimes as human beings we just don't make sense!

The trek to Vietnam was non-eventful! I thought of my brother Kelvin whom I believe is the first person who told me about Vietnam when I was probably about 5 and not interested (the things my brothers put me through!)! He was so into the Vietnam War and made me watch the movies etc and of course a hit song in our household in 1986 was '19'. It felt fitting that I dedicate this leg of my trip to Kelvin, he never got here himself but hopefully he is seeing Vietnam through my eyes! Wonderful stuff! I met a British girl on the bus who I loved for one reason - her name was Rhoda - the same as my mother! Its such an old name and you don't expect someone in our generation to have such a name, and come to think of it I don't think I have ever met anyone else with that name so it was really special. (Just in case you are feeling sorry for me at this point cos of these 2 reminders of my mum and brother - don't! These were not sad moments of being reminded of them, they were happy moments! It was like journey-ing with them both in tow!!!). Anyway, when we got to Saigon I decided that I would head to Vung Tau where it was my (other)original plan to spend Christmas (I had changed from Hoi An). So 2 hours on the bus and I would be there! I had changed my decision of spending Christmas in Hoi An because Lonely Planet aka the Backpackers Bible - had described Vung Tau as a beach resort - which sounded so perfect, and besides, they have a giant statue of Jesus and I thought since I couldn't go to church on Christmas day, at least I could go and visit the statue of Jesus instead and wish Him a Happy Birthday! Anyway, so I get to Vung Tau and I immediately hated it! I hated it so much I wanted to cry - and maybe spew! I also hated myself for having changed my original plan. I just didn't like the feel of it! This was probably the worst day of my travels - but in the greater scheme of things, 1 day out of almost 90 days, and I still had a decent room to sleep in and relax - so it wasn't bad... I think I was just angry with myself - it was one of those, I should have stuck to my real original plan moments. But now it was too late to be in Hoi An for Christmas, but the travel agent woman had mentioned Nha Trang which was also on the beach... And so the next morning (24th) I was up and off, back to Saigon where I spent the whole day in Saigon as my bus was only leaving that night. Despite its traffic chaos, it is so easy to fall in love with Saigon. There is such an amazing feel to it! Lovely stuff! And of course, much to my surprise the whole city was draped in Christmas Decor such that I had to ask if businesses were operational on Christmas day cos I suddenly thought that perhaps I had been wrong about Christmas in Vietnam, that they do celebrate it after all! But no,the majority don't celebrate Christmas though there is a significant Catholic population all over Vietnam due to the French influence.
At one of the restaurants I went to, I was served by a young man by the name of Nguyen who is the first person from this part of the world who knows where Malawi is! He asked me where am from and I said Malawi and in the same breath said, its a small country in Africa to which he responded 'I know Malawi, the Capital City is Lilongwe'. Needless to say I was gobsmackedly impressed. He also knew that Kwacha was the currency and asked me to write down a few words for him. He made me smile. I will come back to Saigon some day (not beacuse of him, but because I really, really like it and feel its deserving of a proper visit and it shall get one)... As kids, my brothers used to laugh at the name Nguyen (which also meant that I laughed along) and in Vietnam every 2nd person is named Nguyen... And so I naturally laughed - subsequent to this, a certain friend who shall remain nameless has proposed that my new nickname be Nguyen (because I keep talking about Nguyen this and Nguyen that) - but me thinks not.

So with all these change in plans I had a thought - I think I made God laugh again by trying to plan where I would be for Christmas - Hoi An = NO; Vung Tau = NO! Because I saw Christmas in on the bus and arrived in Nha Trang on Christmas morn - it made sense that I make my Christmas pitstop here otherwise I would be going for another day on the bus and I just didn't like the idea of spending Christmas on the bus! I arrived at the hotel and got a nice room (they even had TV and hot water and on TV they showed The Muppets Christmas Carol but I was too tired to watch - though that said I went for a run). The first thing I had asked the receptionist was if there was a church around and as it turned out, she happened to be Catholic (yes!) and she offered to take me to her church that evening! I didn't care whether it was a Catholic Church or Protestant I just wanted a church (good thing God can be in more than one place at once!). So at least that was taken care of. At lunchtime I finally dragged myself out of bed and decided I would go for Christmas lunch somewhere. So I decided to ask the receptionist downstairs on suggestions. She made a few suggestions and then, the man (at this stage he is a man) sitting in the lounge in front of a computer turned and decided he would make a few suggestions too! Which saw us engage in conversation and before I knew it I was invited to join him and his friend for lunch - Christmas lunch. So yes, I had Christmas lunch with 2 Maltese guys - Norbert and Kevin, and Christmas Dinner, and boxing day!
The guys and I got on like a house on Fire! We joked about how no-one knew where our countries are - seriously, when you tell people here that you are from Malawi or Malta they go 'what? Ma-what?' and we just had so much fun it seemed like we had known each other forever. We went to an Irish Pub for lunch and then spent the rest of the afternoon on the beach - they were of course thrilled to be having a summery Christmas, to me its the norm. On the beach we had an old lady that was trying to sell us things join us. Her name was Viet. She liked the fact that my skin colour was the same as hers. She is 65. She has never been married nor does she have children. She joked about me being her daughter. We joked that Kevin was looking for a wife would she consider him for a husband? She had such a warm presence to her you just wanted to cuddle her... We just relaxed on the beach, being silly and people watching...
I announced to the guys that I would leave them for a bit as I wanted to go to church and that I would join them for dinner later. 'We'll go to church with you' was the response I got - I think I had expected something like 'dude, who goes backpacking and goes to church?' or something like that, but no - in fact they welcomed the opportunity and were convinced I had been sent just so that they could go to church otherwise they would never have! And so the 3 of us went. Apparently 99% of Malta is Catholic, though Kevin said he hasn't been to mass for over 10 years. I have been to Catholic churches a few times and I always get lost (and confused) with the processes etc - and that is in English - so now imagine it in Vietnamese! But thankfully I had 2 Catholic boys on either side of me so I was just following what they were doing! The best Christmas present for me happened in that church, somewhere in the middle of the sermon Norbert turned to me, put his hand on my arm and said 2 simple words 'Thank You'. I didn't deserve that thank you but I knew where it was coming from and I could sense where it was coming from and if anything else, in that moment I knew why I hated Vung Tau and left and I knew why it would have been too late for me to have been in Hoi An for Christmas. I was meant to be in Nha Trang for Christmas! I also had a marriage proposal,in church at that by the said Norbert... And that was cos I put too much money in the offering bag - or actually, we don't know how much money I put in cos I still don't know the Vietnamese money so I just gave as if I had all the money in the world (the bag was coming at me too quickly I had no time to count)- which is what led to the proposal! What happened to marrying for love?

Christmas dinner in itself was special too. We went to an Italian restaurant. 2 weeks ago Linda had sent me a 1-man slice of Christmas Cake from Woolies. Carey brought it for me. After meeting these guys I knew there was no way I couldn't share this cake with them... So after dinner we each had a turn at holding the cake, then cut it and each had a small piece. I looked at the guys and asked them 'did you ever think you would be having Christmas dinner with a Malawian girl who lives in South Africa in an Italian restaurant in Vietnam - and eating Christmas Cake from South Africa?' It was trully an amazing moment!

Boxing day I was to leave in the evening but we decided that we would go find this Waterfall - none of us bothered to find out the name of the Waterfall! By now we were joined by an Australian girl Sarah. So, 2 bikes, 2 guys, 2 girls and no map, and off we went! It was magical being on the open road that was mostly empty!!! We just went on and on, having to stop occasionally to ask 'waterfall?' to which people would respond by pointing in the direction we were heading and then signaling we turn right. We were on the right track - or so we thought!Because we went on and on and on until we didn't find the waterfall but found ourselves near some beach resort at which point I turned to Norbert and said to him 'I think all these people we've been asking along the way 'Waterfall?' think we were asking about the beach resort'! ENGLISH!!! (And trust me we had used all sorts of signs to signal waterfall when we asked, we even went as far as drawing one and people would nod their heads and point - needless to say, in the wrong direction). So we never made it to the Waterfall but we drove in the most beautiful rural and open land of Nha Trang and we had such an awesome time that not seeing the waterfall wasn't the end of the world! The sites we saw were priceless and the people we met were just wonderful and amazing. That night I dreamt that we had found the waterfall but that the waterfall had in fact dried up!
And it was time to leave for Hoi An. I thanked these 2 young men for a wonderful time - I can't imagine that whilst travelling I could have had better people to share Christmas with as with these 2. In fact I wasn't allowed to leave - but I had a simple answer to that, 'I have to'... Norberto highlighted to me something about myself that I had either forgotten or didn't know about myself - he turned to me at one point while I was in the middle of it and simply said 'I wish I was like you, you are always laughing, I take life too seriously'(but he's had a fair share of hardships at just 32 and I have no doubt that one day he will laugh again until his stomach hurts and tears roll down his eyes!). I love laughing, but it was perhaps due to the company that I was with for those 2 days that I wasn't able to stop laughing - Kevin is a character and a half.

Needless to say I have done Vietnam injustice by travelling it over a week - you need a month in this country - so much to see and do, and lots of tailors waiting to make you clothes! But somewhere along the way, I fell in love with Indonesia decided that the majority of my time would be spent there! A land of character, there is definitely something special about Vietnam...

I got to Hoi An and broke my word. I had sworn that by now my bank account is heading for insolvency ( I reckon if I can spell the word I am in trouble) and would not do any shopping but please, please don't ever make the mistake of going to Hoi An if you are trying to save money! The tailors grab you and force you to buy things. You have no say in the matter. Ok... You walk past the shop and you see something nice and you just wanna ask and before you know it they are taking your measurements and telling you to come collect it at 20h00 (I won't tell you how much I bought but they make it all in such a short time!). Did I say am coming back to Vietnam? Cos I most definitely am, only this time with 2 empty suitcases. And the market, even more things to buy plus the freshest aromas of fresh produce, and am me still polishing my bargaining skills - I am now so good at bargaining am bad! I justify this by convincing myself that I am still contributing to their livelihood.

This is the home stretch now and I am looking forward to being home. At the moment I feel like am in limbo as I don't have a base which is perhaps why I am ready to go home. I will be in Hanoi for a day and head out to Bangkok for 2.5days before I fly home. For the first time on my travels, with 5 days to go I went on to the CNN website only to read about the near-bomb detonation on an American Airline - not again, we can't go through this again! This of course leaves me with apprehensive thoughts amidst them that I need to get to the airport early cos I am sure they will be searching people like its nobody's business. Nobody will make lots of money!!!

Ok, so now am in Hanoi. I had an adventorous bus ride here - on the over night bus. Over night busses... They are something else. You sleep cos if you stay awake you will be so tense watching how fast the driver is going or when he is overtaking when he clearly should not be overtaking. But something else goes on, the busses stop in random places for no reason. Ok, there are reasons but we never know cos the conversations happen in Vietnamese, if there are conversations at all. Its the strangest thing. Today as I looked at the bus driving by I chuckled as I said 'I don't have to get on one of those again!' am so glad for that.

We arrived at 6am in Hanoi and took to the street - the hostel seemed close enough though by the time we got to the hostel my backpack made its presence known - that's when you know that the journey is too long. On the bus I befriended 2 English girls - Jade and Alice and Jade's mum Lynne. Jade is travelling for a year and her mum has come to join her for 3 weeks - pretty cool! We got to the hostel and at last I got the hostel experience I had been looking for - 8 people to a dorm - but what a lovely room! Wish I had come across more dorms during my travels... And then we explored Hanoi...

Ok,so I didn't post this yesterday as I had intended and now I am in Bangkok with all its high rise buildings. I had a good chuckle at myself this morning at the realisation that I have had to provide my passport information so many times that I now know my passport number off by heart (as well as the date of issue and expiry date) - how sad is that - and oh, the immigration guy thought I was suspect (I don't look like me in my passport, thankfully am changing it next year)!
So I've decided that there is nothing to do in Bangkok but shop - its so uncultured! Ok, so there is a museum and a library - but nothing that really screams at you! So tomorrow I will go to the park and the big shopping centre - I guess I have to see it - am not buying - no space - and wait, no money. But what am really wanting to do is to map out my 10km route for my 'Moyra's annual new years day 10km' run on Friday morning, a few hours before I leave. Yup, it will be done! And it looks like my plan of staying in on New Years eve with a good book and pizza is going to work. I went for a little walk and found a pizza joint - and real Italian pizza at that. So I am hoping that between now and tomorrow night I won't meet anyone who will twist my arm into doing anything else for New Years eve! So am avoiding eye contact with anyone just in case they befriend me! I also found a Starbuck nearby (me and Starbucks have a love-hate relationship - bad English, Starbucks and I have a love-hate relationship. But for old time sake I thought I would sample their Blueberry Cheesecake... Yes, it still tastes as good as it tasted in London... Happy! I still don't know why there is no Starbucks in ZA?

So this is it - the final count down. I still find it totally mindblowing at how 3 months could have gone soooo fast? Like really? But it is time to go back home and it feels right, just as this trip felt right for me at my time of departure. Again, I think of the many people who have/had said to me about this trip 'I hope you find what you are looking for', I didn't come on this trip looking for anything but what I am leaving with is way beyond my wildest dreams and more than I could have asked for. I am a richer person for having done this. This by far is the best gift I have ever given myself not just for the experience it was, but also for what has been and will be borne of this trip, the seeds that have been planted, the foundation that has been laid... The end of this trip signals the beginning... This is me...

A Malawian and an Israeli in Cambodia...

2009-12-21T15:46:00.021+02:00

Yes, a highly unlikely and rare combination but yes, I am it… Even both had to acknowledge that this is as strange as it gets – but that’s travelling for you – meeting people who you never ever dreamed up meeting… But more on that in a short while…
So I made it to Koh Tao… And if I thought that was complicated I still had the trip out of Koh Tao and into Cambodia waiting for me – that was quite an adventure – a good one albeit long! Each leg of my journey seems to bring different people into my life! On the ferry to Koh Tao I met a Swedish girl, Linn. I think this was one leg of the trip I would have been happy to do on my own but Linn and I started chatting. We were meant to go to different parts of the Island – I was going to Sairre Beach to meet Anna and she was going - well, somewhere else. I guess after chatting for sometime on the ferry we became friends (backpacking often makes me think of a little boy in a TV comedy show which I can’t remember - lets be original and call him Johnny - whose best friend had dropped him for another friend so Johnny decided he would replace his best friend and when Johnny’s mum arrived at school to pick him up, ex best friend was in the vicinity and Johnny, obviously wanting to show his ex best friend that he has moved on and found a new best friend who he wants to introduced to his mum says rather loudly to his mum ‘mum, this is my new best friend… er...’ then turning to the new friend says ‘what’s your name again?’. It’s easy to have ‘what’s your name again-type of best friends whilst backpacking… This was my best friend in Bali, this was my best friend in Gili, this was my best friend in Flores, this was my best friend in Koh Tao, this was my best friend in Cambodia! But thank Heaven for real and permanent best friends who have been there for years though!). Anyway so upon arrival in Koh Tao Linn decided that she would come along to Sairre beach and needless to say I spent the next 4 days with Linn and Anna.

Koh Tao was very relaxed with a rich supply of rather deliciously toned and browned Burmese Fire Throwers that had me almost re-route my trip to Burma in search for a personal, permanent, live-in Burmese Fire-thrower. Needless to say every night we were on the beach watching the fire shows! Incredible stuff – those people are not scared of fire at all they would be dancing in hell!!!

Koh Tao is real island style too - shiny happy people holding hands, walking slowly, dogs everywhere and the most beautiful sunsets! Like Bali, everyone here is so chilled and they have lots of Tatoo parlours. I have by now had a conversation with Linn that I don’t think I could ever get a tatoo. A tatoo is a lifelong commitment which am not sure am ready to make – what if I get a butterfly and decide I don’t want it anymore? Or a dolphin. On that basis, I decided that because I can’t be too sure of what I really want on my tatoo, and that you can’t divorce tatoos, I am not ready for this life-long commitment. Full stop. That is the end of me ever contemplating this… And I discovered the prawns in coconut soup that I ate every nite – I am not joking when I say I have expanded. And I made friends with the fruit guy on the corner of the 7-11 cos he supplied me with my stash of fruit! Nice. All we did though in Koh Tao was - yes, you guessed it – CHILL! Lazy days in the sun – though Linn and I did get our act together and went on a day’s out snorkelling and saw lovely fishies and sharkies! The next day Anna and I went scuba diving and saw more sharkies and lots of prettiness under the sea…

And then it was time to head off on the road again… I was on the bus while my friends were at Carols by Candlelight in my favourite Botanical Gardens… Sigh…
Trip to Cambodia was long and but I looked forward to it cos for some strange reason I just felt that Cambodia was going to be the crux of my travels – I felt the ‘rough it up on, sit on the bus for hours, meet the locals’ of my adventure that I had been looking for was about to begin and I was excited! I arrived in Bangkok at 5am and found myself roaming the streets of Bangkok amongst fellow backpackers waiting for connecting buses and late night party goers (mostly young travellers) making their way home in their stupendously drunken states! I had the worst pancake I have ever had at about 6am but had by then met a girl from California also in search for food so at least the company was great! I met a Jamaican with an American accent who lives in Japan but was on holiday in Thailand – I just had to throw that in there… And finally my shuttle arrived (thankfully I had to wait for the Shuttle outside the police station so I was safe from danger!) and we were on the road. Quite a cosy ride on the ride to the Thai-Cambodian border in Poipet. On the shuttle were a French –Swiss, a Welsh, an Israeli, a Malawian(ahem), a French, a Thai and an American. And the ride consisted of conversation about Larium, Malaria, Dengue Fever, Insect repellent, the recession and me trying not to hurl cos I was yet again suffering the worst kind of motion sickness I could ever have despite the refreshing condition of the shuttle - but all my efforts were to no avail! I am so furious with this motion sickness stuff – wouldn’t wish it upon anyone!

And that is how I found myself spending my first 2 days in Cambodia with an Israeli. Because the other people on the shuttle were travelling together and Ran and I were travelling alone. Oh by the way, his name is Hebrew so you don’t pronounce it like ran – it’s the ‘R’ from the throat if that makes sense!!! Ran and I have pretty much been a business transaction but he was a nice guy and we shared alot - I had lots of questions about Israel and he had lots of questions about Malawi, South Africa and Africa - he wants to come and visit and wants to travel from the North part of Africa but went on to tell me how because he holds an Israeli passport he is not allowed in certain Arab countries... I again thought about those crabs I wrote about in one of my previous blogs, their freedom to take shelter in any crab nest whether theirs or not - no need for a visa or passport. But then again, he gets preferential treatment at 4 hotels in Bangkok for the very reason that he holds an Israeli passport! And wait, he has read 'Kringe in 'n Bos' - ok, 'Circles in a Forest' which took me back to my highschool days and I shared with him of how we read that book for Afrikaans setwork, and of my Afrikaans teacher who has is now like a mother to me and who like him is also Jewish - that scored me some points! I think what’s funny is that we are both rare in the backpacking world – you meet so many travellers, from Europe, North and South America, Australia etc but to meet someone from Israel – unlikely and from Malawi, highly unlikely (by the way, I have found myself engaging in many conversations and debates about why you hardly come across any ‘black’ backpackers (gosh I wish there were more then I wouldn’t be this person that everyone oogles overs and wants to touch you cos they think your skin feels different or something like that) - so I thought that maybe I should do some sort of research – is this as mythical as the ‘black people can’t swim’ matter or are there any black backpackers out . But no, I won't do the research - let it be.). Anyway, yes, so here we had the rarest combination ever and boy did we get the stares… But it has been a fun and totally awesome experience…

I like Cambodia. When we crossed the border – we literally walked over to the other side under a sign that said ‘Kingdom of Cambodia’ and immediately I just felt a sense of serenity that I hadn’t expected. Whilst walking around last nite, I asked the guys to stop so I could have my moment – it was my ‘pinch-me’ moment where I literally had to say it aloud ‘I am in Cambodia’ .And now I know why. Children. Anyone who knows me knows I have a heart for children. I was welcomed into Cambodia by children – even if they were starring at me like they had just seen an alien but in no time they would smile and be all playful as only children know how to be… I came into Cambodia all too aware of how children in this country are exploited – I have had a soft spot for Cambodian children for a long time though I have never met one before. I wasn’t surprised when I was welcomed too by posters all over the place saying things like ‘Cambodia welcomes responsible tourists. Help us protect children’ or ‘Anyone under the age of 18 is a child. Respect our children. Do not sexually abuse them’… When you see these little souls its so heart breaking. They are so beautiful and they are children – they shouldn’t have to be subjected to that!
What’s made it more fun though is that the children here speak English (more so than any other children I’ve come across in other countries)which means they come and ask you ‘what’s your name please?’ or ‘how are you please?’ - please being the defining word! You can converse with them and you can even go on and ask them about school etc – cos they all go to school. But don’t be surprised if in the middle of the conversation you suddenly hear ‘give me $1 dollar please’ or ‘maybe you wanna buy pineapple?’ – actually, they don’t ask, they demand. A lot of the kids are trying to sell you some bracelets or postcard or fruit – they go to school and straight after school change into normal clothes and start selling. I try to find ways of distracting them from selling me stuff and engaging them in conversation. My favourite was when a little girl was trying to sell me a bracelet for $4 dollars and proceeded to count 1, 2, 3, 4 and stopped at 4 – to obviously emphasise that it was only $4. So I turned around and looked at her and said, yes, I can count too – and I started counting – I didn’t stop at 4, I carried on and in no time we were counting together loudly as we walked together, another girl joined us when we got to 15 and we carried on counting, and at 37 I just heard a little voice say ‘maybe you wanna buy pineapple’ – we had reached the stall of one of the girls mum’s fruit stall and obviously she was trying to promote her mum’s business… That was the end of our game… But I am loving the kids of Cambodia – they are such happy carefree souls. Last nite a little boy saw me in the shop and smiled at me and without any hesitation demanded ‘buy me milk’. Oh, you so would want top buy this little fella milk but I didn’t cos I had been watching him for a while begging and hounding other tourist and cute as he is, he is also a little rebel at the age of about 5.

My best though was a little girl by the name of Tia… She tried to sell me bracelet and I said no several times. Of course she kept saying ‘you want bracelet, you want bracelet’ and eventually, rather annoyed I turned to her and said ‘I want nothing’ to which she replied ‘that will cost you $4.’ I looked at her and realised what she had just said and much as I was trying to be serious I packed up laughing. She then said ‘if you want to buy nothing, it cost you $4 so better buy something’. I just laughed and from that point onwards and my heart was sold – but no, I didn’t buy the bracelets!
Being here I can almost see why the child prostitution and child trafficking is prevalent – children here are left to fend for themselves and have to grow up quickly. I also get the feeling that parents are so poverty stricken that giving their children away in return for money is feasible. They are endless child protection organisations here – its wonderful to see that people are wanting to help but so heart breaking at the same time. It has to end and when that happens -and here I have to borrow the words of a famous humanitarian who once said something along the lines of - ‘the dreams we were concieved in will reveal a joyful face, the world we once believed in will shine again in grace; but why do we keep strangling life, wound these little lives, crucify life’s soul…’ That’s where I get stuck, wounding these little lives is crucifying life’s soul. Some things I will never understand but what I can do is try to make a difference. And while I don’t have much to offer these overly beautiful children of Cambodia, I hope that I do make, even a small difference in their lives by playing with them in the few minutes that we meet, or having a conversation with them, or simply taking a picture of them and showing it to them… They love seeing pics of themselves and the giggles that accompany those faces when they see pictures of themselves ar just so priceless.

Cambodia is like a little piece of Africa stuck in South East Asia! In some cases it actually reminds me of Malawi. Gosh, I mean I even found sugarcane- I can’t remember when the last time I had sugar cane was but definitely more than 10 years ago in Malawi! And tamarind… And the landscape… The only thing that threw me off in Cambodia is that up until now, all the countries I have visited actually drive on the correct side of the road – lets all get it right, that would be the left side – but no, Cambodia had to throw that out and drive on the right. Which means utter confusion for me – I don’t even check the road before I cross anymore cos it doesn’t matter as I don’t know whether its now ;left, right, left; or ‘right, left, right’ but thankfully pedestrians, scooters and cars are equal on the roads in South East Asia and there are no rules so I am still here in one piece. Saw a horrific accident today – well, rather drove past a horrific accident but me being me I couldn’t look. Accidents make me wanna hurl and given my motion sickness traits, the moment I saw a crowd, I looked the other way till out tuk tuk had passed. I was told it was horrific, involved 2 cars and the moment its cars here, the likelihood is that they are tourists which made me think – and perhaps realise for the first time that not once have I been in danger of such a anature, I have been protected throughout my travels and in that moment I gave my thanks - very easy to take it for granted.
Almost everyone here wears face mask. I am not sure if its cos of the dust or as a result of swine flu - but they are all covered. If its swineflu, I hate to say this but people here spit everywhere no wonder it has spread. I have been sitting next to people who clear their throat and just spit and then I realise that my bag is on the ground where someone could have spat earlier on too. There are no demarcated areas for spitting - anything goes...

Spent the day today at the many temples, the biggest of which is Angkot Wot! Cambodia is rich with heritage its beautiful. To a historian this is heaven, to an architect, this is heaven, to a Buddhist this is heaven and to me, I was just so tired going from one temple to the next but I did take in the beauty and the heritage. Some of it was really breathtaking – but I had to be up at 5 and by the time it was 2 I was all templed out and just wanted my bed! My goodness Cambodia is cheap – my room cost $5 and it’s a really good room with 2 beds and and en suite shower and toilet… But Cambodians eat strange food – I saw tongues being sold on the side of the road, fried spiders, frogs of course and who knows what else – a German girl I met said she saw some fried house crawling bug which she didn’t know the name of in English. So here I am definitely sticking to what I know… But loving the cultural experience. I love the fact that I have just slotted in with the locals here – its wonderful. Despite their fascination with me, they are really embracing me and I feel so at ease with them. Today I sat with a monk and probably asked him questioned he never dreamt of anyone asking him – it was wonderful just to learn about him! And our tuk tuk driver – whose name is Daniel, 28 who is trying to save up $3000 so he can get married to his girlfriend; Saving $3000 will take him a looooong time and when I got off the boat, I wished him well in saving his money – he will probably still get married way before me!!!

Ok, I wanna go to bed now… Tomorrow its another 6 hours on the bus then the Vietnam embassy!!! As I sit and start counting down the days till I head home, I am just so overwhelmed at what an experience this has been – totally mind-blowing and only something that lives within me, but I believe that the end of this trip is beginning of new beginnings! Whatever those new beginnings are I don’t know but right now am thinking of my first meal back at home on my lounge floor that I have missed terribly… JB Rivers Sushi (Prawn Fashion Sandwishes and Salmon Nigiri; a glass of Moreson Sauvignon Blanc – or a really good sauvignon blanc, and a slice of Melissa’s cheesecake –and maybe some guava roll! Wait, I forgot the Fruit mince pies and double thick cream!!! And I think I left some Horlicks or Ovaltine behind too!!! Bring on CT!!! It’s the final count-down!!!!

Is it Nina or is it Phuket???

2009-12-15T12:24:00.012+02:00

When you travel this part of the world you soon come to know that people are identified either as locals or Westerners… Which is where my predicament comes in… On the Bus from Phuket en route Koh Tao I found myself one of 3 of the Westerners on board – except, can you really call me a Westerner? I am from Africa so how does that make me a Westerner? Anyway, so I am getting used this concept of being grouped as a Westerner – and besides, I live in such a Western-influenced envriornment and era, and lets face it, my way of living can’t be described as anything else but that so perhaps I need to stop grappling with this – why do we need labels anyway – and just embrace being me. Anyway, the buses here ALWAYS have a TV in front and they show the kitch-est local music videos – and since Karaoke is big here, if you really wanna know the lyrics, they are up their for you! The locals seems to love it it… Its all a cultural experience really and a bus trip without it simply wouldn’t be!

Thailand, or perhaps thus far I can only speak of Phuket, is such a beautiful picturesque island. The only down side to this was that I went through the whole Island by bus and there were moments I just wished I could stop and take pics or absorb the scenery… My bus experiences on this trip have been rather interesting. For some reason I always end up on busses with drivers who think they have a thing or 2 to show Michael Schumacher despite the size of the vehicle they are driving and the width of the road and the sharp corners. So I try to sleep – at least if something happens then it will take me by surprise!!! Talking about that, the only accidents I have witnessed thus far have been in Phuket – one just outside the7-11 near us and the other somewhere, I don’t know. Indonesia was accident free (barring Toine telling me he had a little accident with the scooter he was trying out) and in Singapore – could you ever imagine an accident in Singapore? But yes, back to the beauty that is Phuket… I love anywhere green, foresty and jungly and driving through Phuket this is what I got…So lush and showing off all its coconut trees (by the way, I am so over coconuts now and I think bananas too) … So I have to be back for that -(anyone following my blog would have by now discovered that with each place I visit, I find a reason to return one day!) Perhaps that is also the same reason each time I see signs for ‘immigration office’ or ‘get your visa here’ I almost get tempted to follow the arrows and see where that would lead me. But just because I love the jungle doesn’t mean am not scared of snakes and all those jungly creatures….

In Phuket I sat wondering what drove all those ‘Westerners’ to stay there. You can see some of them have lots of money and probably left such luxurious lifestyles in their (mostly European) countries and are now reduced to scooter driving, lobster burnt, chill on the beach individuals. I bet you they are the type that back home had the flashy cars and lived in the Bishop Courts of the world. So why this little place? As I think this, I know I don’t need anyone to give me the answers, I know why. I know it so, so well. I knew the answer in Indonesia and I know the answer in Thailand… I have heard of so many people who came to just visit for a few weeks and never went back home, well at least not back to stay for good – I won’t lie, the thought has not, not crossed my mind (as opposed to it has crossed my mind).
In Thailand I have decided that I am not going to even have a go at the language – hat’s off to Care who has mastered saying ‘Thank You’ – the female version of it cos I found out that in Thai, your gender can determine how you say certain things… And, unlike Indonesian which I was able to pick up because of its easier phonetics – what you see is what you say, Thai is a whole other story; Their letters are not the same as our alphabet – they use symbols - which means that yes, though they try to accommodate foreigners, most of the stuff is in their language and heaven help you if you don’t know the symbols. For instance, the name Phuket, in Thai is written with symbols which when I look at, resemble the name nina (small letters) so needless to say Nina was on my mind a lot whilst I was in Phuket (hence the text Nina!). Care and I went to the nearby 7-11 and bought a few things and one of us paid for it all and we were to later go through the slip and workout how much had been due by each of us. Anyone who knows Care and I together and how when you are with Care one of the things you will find yourself doing is laughing… So we walk out the 7-11 and why we decided to look at the slip straightaway I don’t know. Oh wait, Care wanted to find out how much the Mentos were – and so we look at the slip and burst out laughing so hard we couldn’t talk!!! The slip was obviously in Thai so all we could see was symbols – though numbers were reflected… Needless to say we found this sooooo hilarious we laughed all the way home. We figured we could work out how much the mentos cos Care had bought mentos the day before too (she buys mentos, I buy Wether’s Originals) so we decided we would find the slip from the day before and whatever symbols from the previous days slip matched the ones we had, that had to be the mentos!!! But we didn’t… Really, much as I would like to, I am giving Thai a miss (reading and speaking) but I have found an Indonesian teacher!

Phuket was lovely and homely – I was with family. How often does one get to travel half way around the world and then meet up with one of your best friends and her family! My dad sent me a text message saying that he’s sure that I am happy to be with Care’s family and that that is my Christmas present. When I told Care’s family, they were of the opinion that my dad is getting off very lightly on the Christmas presents this year – but you know what, it really was a treat to be with people from back home and to have Care call me Dork (as she does everyone) and me respond ‘yes, Dorkus Maximus)… It felt so at home! And Care and I are representing Moyra-Careland in Synchronised swimning at the 2012 Olympics. Care’s dad has suggested that rather not! I loved being with Care – I love my friends for the fact that we have perfected the art of when to be like children – to laugh and play like children and then when to be grown up and talk about the realities of life (or what we think are the realities of life) and impart advice onto each other and while I have had this throughout my travels, it was so nice to be able to have this with someone I have had around for the past 16 years (even if we never really did talk to each other in Accounting in Std 6 or 7). On the cover of my journal I have a picture of 3 old ladies - they must be like 97– 2 sitting on a bench watching their friend play hopscotch – the caption reads ‘Growing old is inevitable; growing up, optional’ – I couldn’t agree more!

One night we all went and sat on the beach waiting for the fire throwers that never arrived – nonetheless we had a great time. As we sat there, a little boy – who turned out to be 8 – came past selling some plastic flowers. We said no. This was late at night and this little boy was selling these flowers. He walked on and a few metres away, as only a child would, he started playing with something that was on the edge of the water – I suspect it was the crabs; I watched him play in the darkness and realised that he was just like any other little boy and wanted to play but probably couldn’t. Care’s little brother was with us and Care’s mum said to him ‘you know, that boy probably wishes he was like you playing in the sand, but he has had to grow up and has to be out there selling’. I kept my eyes on this little boy. Sometimes I come across people who for some unbeknown reason yank at my heart – this little boy did that. I got up, and walked as fast as I could to catch up with this boy. With sign language and a few words, I was able to find out that he is 8 and he goes to school – when I asked ‘school?’ he nodded and said ‘two’ which made me think he is in Grade 2. He has a sister and brother. And when, don’t ask me how, I asked him what time he goes home to sleep (yes, the universal sign for sleep, palms together next to your ear with your head tilted), he pointed to the flowers in a way that said ‘when I have sold all the flowers’ and I thought, that could be a long time… This little man was a beautiful man! But he is supposed to be a little boy – he should have been home in bed already but here he was. I couldn’t buy all his flowers much as I wanted him to go home and get some sleep. But I said I would buy one flower so we walked back to where my money was and instead of buying the flower I just gave him the money! I wanted him to go and buy himself some sweets or something – I wanted him to be a child! We took a photo together, and he asked me if he could see it – he smiled when he saw himself in the picture…
Care was also proud of me and how I have befriended germs! Yes, its true. Gone are the days when I wash my hands when I think they are dirty (when they are in fact not) or the days of carrying waterless hand cleaner and wet wipes! Thank you South East Asia! I have touched the dirtiest things and not washed my hand, I have eaten with dirty hands and not been bothered one bit – and in fact I am convinced I have eaten dirt; I can now go shopping back home and push those shopping trolleys without having to wipe them down first and having people stare at me for delaying them in getting their trollies!!!

A taste, if only a mere one, of Singapore...

2009-12-10T04:27:00.034+02:00

When I started planning my trip, Singapore was never originally part of the plan. It was my 'Mother-that-I-never-had-but-now-have' known to me as Ma (but Averil to others and Mrs Myers to the Sans Souci girls) who planted this in my plan. Like my dad, she too was rather daunted at the thought of me travelling through SEA into the unkown. It didn't take much to convince me to stop over for a few days and I thank her for it. It made sense too that while I was on this side of the world I may as well drop by! In no time she got me in touch with their family friends whom I was to meet up with when I got here.

And so on Saturday morning I found myself at Changi Airport met by Rick (who we now joke is my Singaporean dad). Darren, the eldest son was to have met me but due to my changing dates, he was at a wedding! I quickly checked into the rather 'larney' hotel room (remember I have been living in budget accommodation with cold showers!) and immediately I was off - site seeing Singapore. It didn't take me long to be convinced of Singapore's beauty - and yes cleanliness and order. This place is 'technology-meets-culture' paradise, the fusion thereof is awesome. Currently, its covered in Christmas decorations which light up the streets at night and I must admit that for the first time in a long time, I got the Christmas feeling I haven't had in such a long time (and wished my dad was there with me) and amidst the lights I felt like a 5 year old. Driving around, Rick told me of how Singapore puts a huge emphasis on eliminating racism by embracing the 4 main races (and their respective religions and cultures: Chinese - Buddhist; Malay - Muslim; Indian - Hindu; Eurasian who constitute mostly the Westerners/ Christians; They even have am oath which they pledge in embracing the 4 races. Which means when Christians are celebrating Christmas, everyone celebrates withe them or when its the Chinese new year, everyone joins in - similarlrly with Hindu or Muslim activities - they are so unified. I reckon the world coudl learn alot from Singapore!

But not only that, Singaporeans are 1) proud of their country and cultures and 2) they work so hard (coming from chilled Indo this was a culture shock even if am just observing and not partaking!) it is no surprise that Singapore has developed at such a rapid pace and trust me there is so much more still to come; Singapore is the type of place where you would want to work and not stop cos that's what everyone is - and what an awesome city and vibe to work in - makes me think of the sunscreen song - live in New York city once, but leave before it makes you hard' though in this case I thought 'work in Singapore once but leave before you forget to live life' because I think it would be so easy to do that.

The are plenty developments currently under way and so much hi-tech. I don't want to talk about the shopping centres cos they are like a gazzilion of them - this has been the most depressing part of my trip cos again, travelling on a backpackers budget, all I can do is look - so I rather opted to just stay away and rather be outdoors doing nature stuff!!!

When I arrived in Singpaore I connected with the world again! For starters, English is the official language :-) and on topof it all, my room had a TV and I was happy to reconnect with CNN (I have even sort of pieced the Tiger Woods storry together now but i still don't know his wife's name). I don't think I've missed much really have I? And I guess what's making headlines is the Global Warming conference (scary stuff am seeing on TV!) and someone gate-crashing the Obama's dinner. Anyway, its good to be reconnected.

I even found Grapetise in Singapore (and Appletiser) and everyone knows this is my favourite drink - I was soooooo happy cos there is nothing like it - but it was also the pride of not just finding something from SA but something belonging to SAB -yay!!! And I found my toothpaste too; so while I should have been happy using the Pepsodent I found in Indonesia (after all I was the face of Pepsodent in Malawi when I was younger), man was I happy to find my sensodyne!!!

When I was travelling in Indonesia, many fellow travellers told me there wasn't much to do in Singpaore and that I should just stay there 2 days max. And so I thought but thankfully I ended up being here 5 days because as I went on to find, there is plenty to do - and in fact I could have stayed longer (and that is excluding shopping!) Even Lonely Planet doesn't do Singapore justice - I reckon I should write for Lonely Planet.

The MRT (whis I guess is their equivalent of the Underground) of course looked daunting to start of with (as it always does) but in no time I had mastered it, knowing where to jump off and even knowing what bus to take - which led me to my most adventorous day out on a little Island off Singpaore called Palau Ubin. LP had written about 2 lines on it in the book (I cold write a page) and it looked like a little getaway. So off I went... MRT, Bus, ferry... On the ferry, as one does when travelling a lone I asked a lady to take a pic of me... By the time we go to the Island, I have been invited to joine her and her family on their day out on the island - so here I was about to have another cultural experience. 6 hours later after saying bye to them I was again struck at how life just pieces everything together. Though I had been looking forward to spending the day alone on the island on my hired bicycle, listening to my i-pod and doing a little bit of writing and reading, as I sat on the bus, I realised AGAIN just how the day had turned out exactly the way it should have! I actuallyw ouldn't have enjoyed the Island on my own - well, not as much as I did with Sue and her family; I certainly wouldn't have gone to some of the spots I went with them and I definitely wouldn't have had any insect repellent cos LP forgot to mention that there are eveil mozzies on theis island -but thankfully Sue had some! But seriously, I know I have written about this before, but that day I was again reminded of how sometimes in life you just have to show up and everything happens as it should! I had an awesome time and in fact was invited to Sue's house but unfortunately wasn't able to go - but I did meet up with her the next day for lunch. Palau Ubin is a little piece of heaven. Much as Singapore is beautiful in its modernises state, this little piece of unspoilt nature was a real treat!!!

I also found a Church - wait, let me re-phrase that - I found a Presbyterian Church. I spotted a couple of churches on the Saturday I arrived and decided I would goto one considering that the last time I went to church was my first weekend in Indo which is over 2 months ago! And then looking at the street ma there was actually a Presby church and the eager beaver I am I was there at 08h30 (ok so I didn't know what time church started - ok so I was half an hour early. For a country that is mostly Buddhist and Muslim, I expected like 30 people in the church but about 250 - if not more showed up! I was like, wow!!! It was good, I felt at home and it certainly did my soul a whole lot of good - hopefully enough to last me till am back home cos I doubt the next leg of my travels will lead me to any churches - or at least any where they speak English! I had a little smirk on my face as we sang the Lord's prayer - I couldn't jelp but remember the Sans Souci days (high school) where we sand this at every assembly!!!

2 things Singapore has in common with Indonesia... 1) They still find my hair so fascinating though I must say that after travelling fro 2 months my hair is in no state to be desired, and I shudder to even look at it, scared that the next best thing after my travels may be just tso shave it off - too much salt water is not good fro your hair (some of the showers in Indo were ocean water showers). They too want to touch my hair just like the Indos did - and so I let them; And my hair doesn't help with the heat which is the other similarity ok so 2) its just tooo hot here - y skins has really taken strain with attacks of heat rashes! Ok so what if Singapore is about 1 degree cooler and a little less humid? Though the tour guide on the Duck the other day described the 4 season of Singapore as Wet, Wetter, Hot and Hotter... Go figure. Yes I complain of heat and when I complain they say 'but you are from Africa, you should be used to this' and am like er... the part of Africa I come from (have your pick, Malawi or CT) is not this hot; in fact the Africa that I live in is the very Africa I had my first snow exeperince with knee-deep snow (eish, this global warming this is really bad isn't it!). So no, am not used to this heat, whoever said your body adjusts after 2 weeks lied cos it has been over 8 weeks and still I haven't adjusted... Go figure!
All this said about Singapore, I think my best take out from Singapore was my host family who through their amazing hospitality won their way to my heart! Never in my life of travels have I come across such hospitality and generous I was gobsmacked and really humbled. When I arrived in Singapore and Rick met me, driving to the hotel his phone rang – his ringtone – Labamba and I instantly thought of my precious dadda and it was perhaps at this very point that he started becoming like a father to me – amazingly, he is very similar to my dad – so while my dad has been travelling too (he was in Malawi) it kind of felt like he was around!
Daniel and I had gotten to know each other over the past few months after I confirmed that I would be coming through – thanks to the likes of Facebook!!!! When I met Daniel it was like we had known each other for years – there was no ‘getting to know each other’ necessary and with him too I felt like I was moving around with a big brother!!! Daniel and I have challenged each other to the Singapore Marathon (which I think happens first weekend in Dec – it took place the day after I got here) and he is getting married in November so the plan is to come for the wedding and then ran the marathon!!! Lets see what transpires!!! Maybe it is at this point I seriously should start considering playing the Lotto. How else will I get myself back here? And the rest of the world too! India? Mexico? All these are still on my list!!!

My hosts in Singpaore were amazing and when I was told that they kept asking about VIP-Moyra and when I would arrive - it made sense cos the treatment I got was no less than VIP! I also learnt about the Chinese culture from them and got to sample many delicacies (see, I am not that fussy) and it was all so delicious!! I didn't sample the frogs legs though... THat I gave a miss!!! I was taken to all sorts of sites - Singapore really is a fine city with fine people! i even got to see Malaysia like a kilometre away - awesome!

Needless to say, Singapore and I are not done... I will be back in no time - gosh, where don't I want to go back??? Sigh sigh sigh! But really, what an amazing experience!!!
Ps... I even got my swine flu injection together with the rest of the family!!! See how happy I look...

2 months in Indonesia and no Diarrhea...

2009-12-07T06:01:00.042+02:00

Ok, so I got crutches on my 4th day on my trip (as would only happen to me) but coming on my trip, my biggest fear was getting Diarrhea (which I still don’t know how to spell and this spell check isnt working) because everyone who goes travelling to South East Asia (or Africa) gets it and who am I not to get it – but yes, I made it through I probably shouldn’t speak too soon cos I still have another 4 weeks to go and who knows!
So as am writing this I am in Singapore but I will write about Singapore another day!!! And I just realised that depending on your PC/laptop specs, the pics maybe all over the place! Sigh...

On Friday evening I sat on Kuta Beach watching my last sunset in Bali. I couldn’t help but see that as a metaphor – that my sun was setting on Bali – my time in Bali had come to an end. At the point where the sun was half way down I left my friends and went and sat on my own – my heart was heavy but I was full of gratitude and needed to acknowldge this! I watched the sun disappear bit by bit and in that moment told myself that for whatever reason I had come to Bali and Indonesia, that reason had come to be and it was time to move on.

Perhaps it was only on Saturday morning that it really yanked at my heart as I sat on the plane. I have been to a fair number of countries but never in my life have I ever felt so emotional to leave a country as I felt on Saturday morning (Malawi is of course an exception cos every time I leave Malawi I shed a tear). This time I did too and was so grateful that the plane was empty such that the German couple that were originally seated next to me had moved somewhere – this gave me the chance to let my tears flow to their hearts content!!!

And in that moment I started reflecting on my time in Bali. ‘Yes, transport’ or ‘Yes Massage’ – phrases I have come to know so well – because everytime I walked somewhere this is what I would hear – and most times my answer, polite as I am, would be ‘no thank you’. I have decided that next time I come here (because I am coming back) I will have a t-shirt printed that says ‘I don’t need transport, massages I'll take any day!!!’
Indonesian people are wonderful and the playful side of me loved interacting and playing with them. Each time you walk past someone, they ask you where you are going. I always wondered whether they were 1) really interested in where I was going; 2) if it was a business transaction – that if I told them where I was going they would work out in their head if it was then far enough for them to offer you transport so they get money out of you; or 3) is that the only sentence they know in English and in fact its just a friendly gesture? They are an incredibly curious people. If its not ‘where are you going?’ its ‘where you beeeen?’ (said exactly that way) - I felt like a butterfly in a field of flowers flirting beautifully with each flower that it would stumble upon - it was beautiful!(As I write this I think of a wine connoisseur who once described the taste of a certain red wine as 'slutty' and while I would never associate such a word with wine, that description fitted the wine perfectly as the word flirt fits the the way I interacted with the people here!)
But I decided that Indonesians are probably one of the happiest people in the world and its contagious! They look, and act as if they have absolutely nothing to worry about. They are so chilled, everything is funny and they are almsot always laughing you can't help but join them. I have walked many a-street smiling straight through as I interact with them – sometimes smiling at the thoughts they leave me with which must make people think am mad as am walking, laughing and smiling by myself. Its so easy to fall in love with Indonesians and their take on life which is why I know I will be back. I could live with these people, I have alot to learn from them. On top of it all, they ALL love each other – its like one happy family.The children go to work with their parents, women sit pulling out each other's grey hairs (though at first I thought they were de-licing each other the way monkeys do) and they can fit a whole family of 4 (with a sleeping baby) on a scooter! And of course I loved my time at the Orphanage and my children and promised them I would be back - and so I will!!!
I switched off whilst in Bali. For 2 months I didn’t know what was going on in the world – though one day when I went to the internet cafe last week, the windows explorer page that opened defaulted to the MSN homepage which had some headlines about Tiger Woods' wife {see, the problem with marrying a celebrity is that you lose your identity and become their wife or husband because no-one gives a damn about you cos you are not the celebrity - the truth is that I don't know her name - note to self - don't marry a celebrity, rather a make your own name and your own headlines (and hopefully headlines cos you are changing the world for the better)} and some sort of trouble – I couldn't even peace it together cos the things my brain has had to process over the past few months have been things like watching crabs on the beach – really!!!

There are gazillion crabs on Indonesian beaches that burrow their nests (I don't know what the correct English name for a crab home is but nest sounds good!) on the beach; they have always fascinated me. It amazes me how fast they are at the slightest hint of danger and they get into their nests in a flash! But the one day I sat wondering - do they really always go into their own nests or do they just go into the nearest one they can find and take shelter there? Is it like a free for all, that if you are a crab and can fit into that hole you can go in even if you aren’t the owner – but at least you are the same species so there is a chance that you are related? I sat on the beach watching a crab burrowing one morning (this was after I had a had a lovely run on the beach and a dip in the water and was now just absorbing my surroundings – so i wasn't just being lazy). Whilst watching I started wondering – do the crabs in fact live as crabs-sans-borders (crabs without borders for the french impared!); And if these crabs live as crabs-sans-borders, does that mean that wherever you find yourself, (and especially if there is trouble,) you just crawl into the nearest hole - I mean nest? Perhaps cos of my love for travel, this thought was appealing – imagine just being able to travel from one place to another without a visa? Ok, you still need money. Imagine if all the countries of the world were one big country so we could just roam freely wherever? But then I thought we are human, we would still want a president and I killed this thought of one big happy global country when the thought that ‘what if Bob Mugabe or George Bush was the President’ - then I started focusing on the crab again – and wondered if Bob Mugabe is still alive (don't ask me why!)

Saturday on the plane I thought of Alanis Morissette's song ‘Thank You (India)’, and for the first time EVER, I finally understood why and how someone could write a song to a Country thanking it! Because on that plane as the tears came streaming I was so grateful of my time in Indonesai – of what the people taught me about themselves and about me; of what nature taught me about itself and me; of what nothingness taught me about itself and me, the nothingness that I have never experienced anywhere else -my first time was in Indonesia; I thought of the other people who I met in Indonesia who left a mark in my life - that's one of the best parts of travelling - meeting people.

I arrived in Indonesia a scared little girl and I left a take-it-in-your stride not-so little woman; My fear became my courage (I will always remember my trip as this). I am so glad I took this chance on life – I didn't know what I was doing – I just did...
So these are some (and only some) areas in which I was thankful to Indonesia for...
For turning my fear into courage in so many different ways! Impossible is nothing!
Dreams: Since I was 12 one of my items on my to-do list was scuba dive– well, when I get back to CT I can put a tick next to this! And many other dreams!
Consequnce: (yes, even if Alanis also thanked consequence)... she who in her normal 'I-am-a-corporate-girl-doing-life-writing-and-sports-so-my-days-have-to-be-planned-to-a-tee' learnt to not plan her life! I let life plan itself and I loved the consequencies that came with that; Consequence led me to the realisation that everything happens as it should and not necessarily how we want (or think we want) it to be! I realised that fracturing your ankle 4 days into your trip and ending up on crutches is part of the plan; that walking into an internet cafe on an arb Saturday morning to quickly check something on line can lead you to walking out with a stranger who after travelling together for 4 weeks and sharing rooms you call a friend; that analysing someone's eyes on a ferry can open you up to their world and to share in it; that missing busses is part of the plan; and flights not being available too! Thank you consequence!!!
Vulnerability: I hate being vulnerable – really, I do... But it found me and I gave it the time of the day and wow, I discovered that on the other side of vulnerabilty lies discovery (and growth)– either of self or another and discovery is one of the most wonderful gifts of life! I let go of my inhibitions and let people see me for who I am - my fears, my dreams, my passions, my inner smile, my silly-ness, my wonder; I allowed myself to be transparent and take risks! What I got of allowing myself to be vulnerable is so much more than I could have dreamt off - totally mindblowing! Thank you vulnerability!!!

Faith: There’s a special little girl in my life called Faith! Before I left I would often play on words and say I was taking her with me on my travels! And yes, I did take my Faith with me on my travels and I wanted that to grow. Indonesians showed me how to act out Faith and to be proud of One's Faith – I have such a long way to go here – its like I've only just begun. They are incredible as I wrote in my last post! But I did take some time to spend with my God, yes sometimes even wrestling – but in quiet meditation and with a heart overflowing with gratitude I gave thanks for the mere opportunity of being in Indonesia. Thank you Faith (both of you!)
Chance: ‘Your choices are half chance’. Each day was filled with choices – which beach, which sarong to take -pink or orange, what to eat(yes, big chance here - and for someone who is a very fussy eater, I must commend myself for ALWAYS being willing to try out new food - its the cultural experience - and amazingly liking it) but my 2 biggest chances probably came in 1) trying out avocado juice – and discovering how beautiful and delish it is; and 2) chancing on people and discovering how beautiful and delish they are! Which led me to the next area:
Friendship: It was breaking news when I announced that I would not be in CT for my 30th birthday! Who goes away alone for their 30th birthday? And when was the last time I had a birthday without Tracey, Carey, Linda, Mems and Mel around – very unheard of! What was it going to be like?? Well, leaving Bali I realised that one of the reasons Indonesia felt like home was because of the friends I had made along the way. Not once did I feel lonely (if anything I sometimes needed to escape!). Lea, Shane, Cecelia, Anna (Mamma), Jenny, Allisa, Jen, Anna, Marc, Jelly, Mathius, Janni, Toine, AP, Jeurg, Marcus, Justus, Harry - aaah, what wonderful people. Anna and Toine are perhaps worth the mention – Anna was my biggest 'chance' – I met her (at the internet cafe) and within 5 minutes we had agreed that she could come share my room and share the costs – this mere stranger!!! And Toine – one of the most beautiful souls I have met in a long time with such a love for travel, people and life and so much to give to the world!!! If either of you are reading this, know that you have been a truly integral part of my travels and I will always remember our times together and smile - thank you for the beautiful memories- you know fish??? Love to you both XXX. Thank you chance and friendship
Reflection: I had someone say to me for my trip ‘I hope you find what you are looking for.’ My immediate thought - as only I would was of U2's song 'And I still haven't found what am looking for' then I thought‘Am looking for something?’ To this day I still don’t know why I chose Bali nor why I came here if you are looking for a deep answer! I simply came to spend time with me (all aspects of me) and celebrate life, learn about another culture and just be! But it also gave me an opportunity to look at my life and reflect accordingly; so no, I didn’t have any ‘a-ha’ moments but I had some of my most content moments (though am all too aware of how many of these moments I have in CT too!), moments of enlightenment, moments of fear, moments of wonder, moments of doubt, momemts of dreaming and fantasising, moments of ecstacy, moments of nothingness – and all these moments complete me – and all these moments I can also have anywhere in the world – but in these 2 months, I had them in Indonesia...

The greatest thing this trip reminded me was that I am enough – just as I am – and that I can be anywhere in the world and I would still be enough (right now there is definitely enough of me - I am convinced I am wider than I was when I left - but that's ok!)! I have so loved re-connecting with me again - to love yourself and your life – beautiful!!! I consider myself blessed to have been on this journey cos I know that not everyone has such opportunity and I don’t for once take it for granted– I still have a few more weeks to go – who knows what will transpire! This trip was right for me – what right means I really don't know but it just felt right!!! Through my travels, I have been reminded to trust the process of life!

The moment I decided to embark on this trip was the moment I began to fly - and am still flying high, over the rainbow!!!

Ps. The most irritating part of my trip was fellow travellers – especially those from Australia and the UK who upon telling them I live in South Africa would echo ‘but its so dangerous in South Africa’ and i was like ‘have you been there?’and they would say no. It was so irritating beacuse while yes, it is not necessarily the safest place in the world, South Africa is a wonderful place to be.And I got angry at all these people that go spreading bad news about SA. With my identity crisis (this is the first time I have travelled and said I am from South Africa not Malawi – though that changed half way through my travels) I found myself defending South Africa so much such that I had never realised how fond I am of SA up until now. I would like to think that I did some wonderful marketing for SA – and CT, well Cape Town is just the best place in the world and I have always said that and marketed that!!! So, South African's who venture out to the rest of the world, be ‘Proudly South African’ – this trip made me realise that I am ‘proudly Malawian-South African’!

Is a woman's life or child's life more valuable than a man's?

2009-11-17T05:20:00.017+02:00

This is what I was asking myself when I sat on the Ferry from Sumbawa to Flores. I spotted the inflatable life boats that stated they could carry 25 persons max. I could see 6 so I calculated that 150 people could be rescued in the event that the ferry sunk or whatever. Then I wondered how many were on the ferry and that if there were more than 150 people, would the rule of women and children first apply. Then I thought, who decided that women and children are the ones to be rescued first in an emergency and not men? Is the life of a man any less valuable. While I understand the argument behind all this, when you are sitting on a ferry for 7 hours, you have the chance to debate such topics with yourself! So what if the original rule had been 'men first'... Anyway, in any case, am glad am a woman!!!
I've been in Indonesia now for over a month, a land synonymous with coconuts and yet I have not had a coconut yet - ok, barring the coconut sprinkles on the most decadent pancake I sampled in Kuta - remember, I am on a pancake sampling mission. Yesterday on the bus to Sumbawa, lost in thought I watched coconut grove after coconut grove and the only thought that kept coming to my mind was why coconut trees are so high (or is it tall) and why the coconuts have to be at the very top when the rest o the tree has nothing on it – you can’t even climb it. Anyway, so I don’t know know the answer – but when you are on the road for so long you need to think about something right. This is what my life has been reduced to – thinking about coconuts, or watching a gecko trying to catch a fly – that’s about the stressful thinking I do these days!!! The joys!!! But still I plan to have my coconut and drinking the coconut milk out of it. For now I have moved on from bananas to mangoes. Yes mangoes. When I came I brought one o my favourite indulgences – guava rolls – and these have now come to an end and so my new passion for mangoes is just on time!!! I kept the last o the guavas or when I badly craved it but 2 days ago I lost my camera– I was so cross with myself that I opened the last guava roll I had (to reward myself for losing my cable I guess since I believe in reward)! So now its mangoes (and this time am not eating mangoes naked as liberating as that might be – though its so hot, the thought has crossed my mind!).

The past 10 days have seen me in 4 different islands, 2 of them planned and the other 2 - I just found myself there – in act I am on one right now. The past 2 weeks have been incredible. Before I left, a friend, Talline, said to me I was leaving as a girl and would come back as a woman! Well, I turned 30 and so far am loving it!!!! I had a wonderful birthday - the dreamer I am, I had gotten people to write in a journal fro my birthday. I knew I would be far away from everyone but in my dreamy state I imagined that though this journal I would share my day with the special people – and that is just how it happened – it was the best present ever!!! Bless my dear dad (who considers himself a pensioner at 60) he stayed up so late just so that he would be the first one to wish me a happy birthday as I woke up -Bali time! That morning I took my journal and sat on the beach and read it – and like I had anticipated, the tears come flooding – what do you expect when you are reading something friends of many years have written – or when your aunt writes there that she was there at the hospital and heard my first cry! Anyway, that night, as only I would, I had managed to round up 10 friends I have have made in the first few weeks and went for dinner. It wasn’t quite like it would be back in CT but I know for sure that I celebrated my birthday in just the way I was meant to and with he people I was meant to – especially considering that at one point I thought I would be on my own. There was a live band playing and somewhere during the night they started singing happy birthday – as only I would, I was like ‘oh cool, someone else has a birthday today’ and little did I know cos the next thing I saw was the waitress coming towards me with a slice o chocolate cake with 3 candles on it – in that moment, my birthday was complete and I was ready for this new decade!

Anna and I are still traveling together. Anna has been the friend I was meant to meet on this trip. The stranger from the internet café now someone who shares my everyday life – and much to my surprise someone I can be with 24/7 without developing space issues – or as someone pointed out to me, maybe I am changing. Anna is a cross between a sister and a friend – and as we’ve come to call her – Mamma. I love Anna. We are already planning future travels – and I get the feeling I have a friend for life. We often joke about whether we are on holiday or not because we seem to be suckers for pain. Following our mountain biking adventure 2 weeks ago, we went on a night/sunrise trek that meant waking up at 1am, driving in the dark, having breakfast at 3 ready or the trek at 4. I am the one who is always up first and waking Anna is always fun and games as I often have to face her telling me ‘no’ or ‘I can’t’ but somehow she does manage to get out of bed – and during our adventures we always realize that it is all worth it – like that night on the trek. We were blessed by a full moon. I don’t think many people get to do the hike with the full moon – it was so beautiful that not even the annoying 55 years old American mid-wife who saw this as her chance to practice Tai Chi could spoil it. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against Tai Chi – there was just something wrong with the combination of this woman and the Tai Chi… Of course trekking is strenuous but trekking here is special because of all the volcanic activity – from the black sand to yes, seeing the ground steaming and in fact feeling the heat o the ground. They did holes in which they cook eggs or breakfast (no, I still don’t eat eggs so I can’t claim to have eaten an egg cooked in the volcanic heat – eish!!! The nice thing was that up there is was cool – in fact cold cos my fingers lost feeling! But that didn’t distract my attention from the beauty of seeing the crater lake and the sun rising over the volcanic mountain – and just being at peace with life and in that moment, in true Moyra style, I broke into song – I am on top of the world looking down on creating and the only explanation I can find is the love that I’ve found ever since You’ve been around’…

Following the trek we moved onto Lovina - my most dramatic trip yet, marked by motion sickness which has decided to attack me in Indonesia - thank goodness for those motion sickness pill. I am not sure if its cos their petrol contains lead???. Anyway, so off to Lovina, renown for its dolphin watching - but as luck would have it, no dolphins came out on the morning we went out to see. Lovina was also to be the place I turned 30. Its a small quiet place and I loved it.

After my birthday we decided to do a bit of Island hopping - on to the Gili Island - Gili Air in particular. It was my first time on a ferry (this trip sure is full of many firsts for me) and much to our delight we bumped into our friends from the mountain biking - Sandra and Lieven (who we had also bumped into in Lovina!). They were on their way to trek Mount Rinjani - one of Indonesia's active volcanoes, summiting at 3700. We were also to trek it - but we wanted to rest before the hard work. On the ferry we met Toine (french pronunciation) though he is from the Netherlands - and at that, a part of Netherlands I know well! Together with another girl we met, Lotta, we were a new team on Gili. Lotta didn't come to Rinjani with us and as I write this,we are still travelling with Toine.
At Gili, I loved doing NOTHING - its the type pof place where that is perfect - nothingness! Ok, we did some snorkelling. We have lovely bungalows overlooking the water that were writing inspiring. On our first night on Gili, Toine and I decided to be adventurous and decided we would circumnavigate the Island - without a torch - we were told it would take about an hour and a half. It took us about 2 hours I guess, but that was because we took one slight wrong turn - but it was so much fun - pretending we were the Christopher Columbuses of the world or Marco Polo - we were exploring after all and discovering new territory - even if it means we were greeted by cows or horses in the dark - and at times suspecting residents wondering who these 2 people were! I was full of giggles needless to say especially at the fact that we had gotten lost! But eventually we heard the ocean and we knew we had found our way back! And the next morning I ran around the whole island - it took me a whole 28 minutes!!!
And onto the trekking!!! What were we thinking? Were we thinking at all? In retrospect, i love that we did it. Me, 3 days in mountain, no shower, no proper toilets and with just my small backpack??? What is this world coming to? But what an adventure and the sheer beauty!!! The morning following our first night on the mountain i woke up to witness an erupting volcano - it sounded angry (that said I didn't see the lava flow tho as this is best seen from another point and at night). I stood there taking in God's great creation. Wow! Day 2 was challenging - the higher we got, the more rapid the drops and i refused to look down. I had the strength to do it but not the energy such that in the last 30 minutes of the day when I wanted to give up (but knew I had no option to do so) I kept repeating a song on my ipod (it came just at the right time) of which the lyrics say 'His strength is made perfect when our strength is gone' - I applied it to my situation (talk about manipulating interpretations!). And though I didn't know it was the end of the climb, it turned out to be - much to my relief!!! And by then I had decided that I wouldn't summit the mountain and would rather stay at 2nd base at 2 600m. I wasn't the only one - 3 of the other 6 of our group decided the same thing. To summit you had to be up at 2am and you would start trekking in the dark along a very steep, sandy path - and it was freezing up there! I decided that summiting wasn't so important - I'll keep it for Kilimanjaro next year. Toine however went up with a Russian guy, Jeka (who sounds exactly like the guy on the Smirnoff adverts!) went. Toine didn't summit and later me and him were cahtting aout how summiting isn't necessarily the success factor here - whatfor - totell people uou made it to the top? He shared with me how at the point he decided to stop he had the best view and spoke about how as humans, we often just focus on the summit and we forget to stop every now and then on the way to the top to look at the view below and also just to acknowledge how much we have achieved already! The view at the top actually wasn't too different from where we were!!! But what an amazing experience.
After Rinjani we went back to Gili Air - we needed to recover and this was teh best way to do it - just Toine, Anna and Me this time. Yup, we have become a little family. Anna is mama and Toine is baby boy - which I guess makes me baby girl! We don't have a father!!! Anna became very popular in Gili - everyone knew her. She was to Gili what I was in Kuta. We sampled all sorts of fish, milkshakes and saw rainbowful schools of fish - you know fish? The wonderful thing is that all 3 of us are passionate writters and journallers - how rare a find - and we indulged in this too!

I was to have returned to Bali after Gili but Anna and Toine were heading to East to other Islands and since I had no plans I decided that I would just go for the ride! And so we embarked on our journey. In Indonesia (as in Africa) there is no real concept of time and if you come here with the western mentality of punctuality, you will soon become frustrated! You hurry from one place only to wait at the next - and so it goes. Like the bus we hurried to catch at 13h00 but only left at 15h30 with no explanation (I think the driver was sleeping).
I have always dreamt of being on a bus with live chickens and goats - don't ask me why - but I must admit that I was happy to have a seat at the back next to box upon bos of apples (and the though tof opening one crossed my mind). We drover through mainland Lombok which is predominantly Moslem. Bali is mostly Hindu. Islam here is big and embraced. i must comment on how absolutely priceless it is when you see a group of 6 year old girls in their uniforms with their head gear done so perfectly - they look so beautiful! And the Mosques - so pristine. I think Moslem people really do take pride in their faith - perhaps something us Christians could learn from. NO matter how remote or poor the area, the Mosques are so well kept. This morning I woke up to sung prayer at 4am - ok, that wasn't nice. There must have been 7 going about the different mosques at the same time. I admire them for their passion, commitment and dedication, and in shame as I listen to these sung prayers, lying in my bed I too offered a prayer to my God (yes still lying down!). Similarly the Hindu's here are so inspiring! Bali is full of shrines and you see people making offerings all the time. I admire this.3 days ago I watched a Hindu lady making an offering on the beach - I watched in awe, inspired by her Faith and ashamed at how little time I give my God I turned to both Anna and Toine and spoke about how I wish i was that devout - and I said that in that moment a voice within asked 'then what stops you?' and instantly I said out loud, continuing my conversation without Anna and Toine knowing the question in my head - its really up to me, if I want to spend that much time with God I can - there is nothing stopping me! For once I should take pride in my faith - the people of Indonesia have 1) taught me and 2) inspired me!
We arrived on another Island - Sumbawa but unfortunately our plans fell through. This was the firsts time something went wrong on this trip - but wrong is relative. I had not plans so technically how can the plans I didn't have go wrong or right? there was no telling. We simply altered the plan but it was also the first time tensions were high but a good reminder that we are all human beans with different personalities and resolve things differently. This saw us staying in a place that we couldn't really afford but that was ok - it was an expensive night.
The next day Anna left and it was actually difficult saying bye to her - we had been travelling together for 3 weeks - she was my attachment... But I knew I would see her again - if not in Bali then in Thailand so that was ok.
I was to leave the next day for Bali and Toine for Sumba... But Little did we know...
Lets just say as I write this (which is about a week since I started this article), I am on a remote yet beautiful Island called Flores! Arrives at the bus terminal the next day only to be told the last bus had left I would have to wait another day and there was no way I was spending another day in Sumbawa so I decided I would take the long way round which meant I would travel with Toine... But as it turned out he also couldn't go to where he had planned cos the ferry only goes once a week so - yes, we headed to Flores - which is where Anna had gone and within 5 minutes of arriving in Flores, we found Anna - and so we have been reunited!
I was to only spend 2 days here and leave for Bali on Monday but much to our surprise, the earliest flight I could get to Bali was for the 28th so here i am stuck on this beautiful Island - the problems I deal with these days! Toine and I signed up for the PADI Scuba diving course and this morning we had our first 2 open water dives and we saw lots of fishies including Nemo!

Sometimes, you just need to show up... I did...

2009-11-02T06:47:00.021+02:00

Elizabeth Gilbert found love in Bali! Tracey is convinced Bali is all about love! I am living proof that Bali is about love because I am discovering new loves almost everyday! The latest is - wait for this...Bananas! Yes, bananas. The same person who decided when she was 12 years old that she hated bananas, stopped eating them, started eating them again at last year for cycling– then stopped again! But the banana’s in Bali – they make you fall in love and want to eat them all the time! They are even better than the bananas in Malawi (and you know how biased I am about Malawi!).

Ok, so this trip has totally taken me by surprise. Or rather it has taken the fussy, snobbish me by surprise… Any other day I probably wouldn’t talk to some of the people I have opened myself up to talking to – but this has also probably been my biggest backpacking lesson thus far – that you give everyone a chance and you don’t judge them by how they look or how weird they seem – each person has something to offer you – one way or another! I who has perfected the art of ignoring people who I just don’t think are worth the time have totally opened myself up – and I am a better person for this! Like the redneck-lookalike, who any other day I would have just walked past and though – freak! But I chatted to him – he was sitting there and I plonked myself a few metres away from him… We chatted. Monday. He was there again Tuesday – and we chatted. And before I knew it we were friends – albeit cos we both opted for the same spot on beach for those few days – and amazingly we got along! In fact he gave me quite a lot of information for the next leg of my travels… This past week was my beach week… I was led to this particular spot because that is where my surfing instructor is… Its quite a popular spot – everyone who goes to Kuta beach chooses a spot (you choose a spot as a way of avoiding hiring the beach chairs and umbrellas – which if you plan to beach everyday can end up costing you a fortune). So Anang has a tree which provides a rather delicious shade! Next to us is Harry’s spot – where there Germans frequent! Harry is wonderful and am convinced they should have a banner that says ‘Everyone loves Harry’ - cos we do! Harry is from Java, been here for 8 months and sells drinks on the beach! I asked him why he came to Bali – he said because of a broken heart! I also got accupuncture on the beach - my ankle was alittle niggly after all the surfing and I was desperate - but I have never had accupuncture before though I think its great - so the first time experiences for me continue in Bali! The beach is a great place for everything - meeting people and as it turns out, even having accupuncture!

Under Anang tree seems to be the Finnish gathering. I met Jani there and then I met the person who was to become my sidekick… When I met him he told me his name was AP – I don’t do this abbreviation stuff, when I want to know you, I want to know all of you so tell me your name! it took a few days but I got it out of him – Arto-Pekka and I just LOVE that name!!! It rolls so beautifully on my tongue!!! AP and I hang out a lot on the beach – surfing and just being the odd pair we were but I wouldn’t have changed it for the world! We talk alot - about anything and everything. I ask AP is he has a tattoo (this is question I now ask everyone cos am convinced am the only person in Bali that doesn’t have a tattoo – but that said, I went into the tattoo place the other night, struck a conversation with the Tattooist, asking him if he could do a Cherry-Blossom… Sometimes I like the fact that I have an enquiring mind. Sometimes, what I like even more is that it stops at just being an enquiring mind and no action necessary – so I walked out of the shop). AP doesn’t have a tattoo but he goes on to tell me he once had 7 piercings on his face!!! I shudder in pain. I share my seemingly lame story of how it took me 2 years to pluck up the courage of getting my belly button pierced, still scared, dragged Sharon along to hold my hand when I eventually had the guts and felt absolutely no pain as I got the piercing cos Sharon and I were deep in conversation, laughing! Later I meet a German girl who has more piercings that I have ever seen and I don’t want to ask where these piercings are!

I got chatting to Anang one day while in the water! He was telling me about how if he had a better education he would have been able to get a better job cos life is hard in Bali. He then goes on to tell me that most kids in Bali don’t go to school because its expensive – and in fact he probably won’t send his gorgeous son to school. I ask him how much it costs and he tells me its R1 200 000 (Rupiah) per annum which is roughly $135 or R1000 (if the rand is still what I left it at - I still don’t know what’s going on in the world, haven’t read the paper, or even check CNN or Sky’s website so for all I know the rand could be the strongest currency in the world right now and I wouldn’t be any wiser! So if anything major happens in the world, please do let me know). So my thoughts went to how easy it is for me to spend that much money in a day – when he sees that as almost impossible to raise to send his kids to school. In that moment I realize how poor people in Bali... Then goes to tell me that he only collects 30% of what he makes in a day – 70% goes to the owner of the stand he run hiring out surfboards! As for the lessons he is giving me – he only claims 50%. I am told later by someone else that the beaches are apparently controlled by some sort of Mafia!!! Grrr… This world!!! The thought of sponsoring Anang’s boy to go to school crosses my mind – but no, this isn’t it… But my heart bleeds a little at how hard life is – and again I just wish I could make this world a better place!

So last week was play time and I met some lovely people! You learn to just latch on to people you meet and everyone is so open and welcoming. In fact I think I have more me time back at home than I have been having here – and I thought I was coming here to spend more time with me!!! Oh well… Again what I have learnt is to open up yourself to what life throws your way, but being aware! There is a very thin line between being cautious and opening oneself up to risk – but as I believe, the bigger the risk, the bigger the reward. I have stopped worrying about what each day or planning each day – contrary to that I have been surprised by the little surprises life has been throwing my way each and every day! Little treasures that you wouldn’t expect!!! And am embracing all of it!!!
I left Kuta on Saturday morning to come to Ubud (Saturday was also 11 years to the day my mum died – and I remembered her – and remembered that this time last year I was in Malawi with Little Miss Sunshine Shai!)– that was after a magical Friday night that took its own shape of getting the most wonderful news (which I will share another time but it involves a poppy seed – and dinner with friends. I cannot emphasise enough how much am learning to trust life by not planning it but simply allowing it to take me where it feels I ought to go… I was even treated to a private attendance (ok so its open to everyone) of a Balinese music rehearsal session and a long walk on the beach under the stars – romantic yes (but I keep these kind of stories for the girls only – sorry!!!)– all I could think of was that I was making up for the walk I had missed that morning!!! Ok, maybe not – but I did think that too! This body is so exercise deprived its like am suffering from endorphin malnutrition!
I needed to get out of Kuta – I have become too much of a regular there! When I got to Ubud I instantly fell in love with place and wondered why I had taken so long to get here – its so lush and green and rice fields and trees and just beautiful! Its also very artistic and cultural and as I have discovered, lots of LOVELY shops too - definitely a place to share with someone - especially the shopping! What happened in Ubud reminded me that sometimes in life, you just have to show up and everything falls into place and happens as it should. Its about Faith I guess! Backpacking alone means at any given time you need to be 100% convinced that you can do this on your own - even when you don't want to… And so I was ready to face Ubud on my own! I had booked a room – where I had to pay for 2 even though it was just me – the room had 2 beds. Up to now I have had rooms with just one bed (real hostels here of 6 beds per room are non existent here which works for me of course with my ‘space’ issues and wanting to be alone). I was just peeved off at having to pay for 2! Of course like many things in life, Ubud is one of those places that would be lovely to share with someone. But I didn’t have a choice. As soon as I got here I wanted to pop into the internet café to check something. Walked in, was led to a pc that another girl had been using. She left her iPod there and I called her. Somewhere in this we struck up a conversation. She had just arrived in Ubud and had just been on the internet looking for accommodation. I told her about the place I was staying at - its really beautiful and I thought they might have a room. But somehow in the conversation it came up that I actually had another bed in my room and before I knew it, this girl I had known for like 5 minutes was coming to stay with me! I believe in gut feel - and Anna and I are now friends and planning to travel together for a little while still – and sharing the room is working out! I do everything with caution and this felt right!!! And so we have been getting around together and she seems to be having the same problem I am having with the many shops around – we are trying to be each other’s strengths in resisting walking into these shops! I am enjoying having my new friend in tow!!!

Yesterday we did a 40 km MTB around one of the volcanic mountains and she didn’t think she could do it but she did!!! Tonight we are trekking up the same volcanic mountain and will be there for sunrise in the morning! During the mountain vbiking we went through alot of rural Bali - beautiful but yet another eye openener to how hard life is. In teh Balinese culture it seems women are the ones who do the hard labour - old women, while, as the tour guide described it, the men spend their time massaging their cocks - as in roosters - I think this young tour guide has spent far too much time with tourists and has learnt to play with words! Here cock-fighting is big and I guess part of the betting world! They apparently feed their rooster Redbull and ginseng to make them tough so they can win their fights!

For the Eat Pray Love fans, I went to meet Ketut on Saturday!!! Oh what a gentle soul! Ketut was as happy to meet me as I was happy to meet him - I have travelled the whole world to meet him damn it! We chatted. I read to him from the book, we laughed. he took my hands and looks at my palm and probably told me things I already new... he drew a lotus flower on my back and told me I will be successful and lucky! He autographed my book and told me I was more beautiful than his grand daughter - which is highly unlikely cos Indonesian women are too beautiful!! And his wife is no longer his wife! When I got there there was a TV crew there doing a documentary on him since they are shooting the movie here at the moment! they even filmed the time I was with him!

I was happy that I met this man - a man I felt like I knew already! I will share more specifically with the KETUT fans!!!

Of course my thoughts drift to the next few days – the last few days of this decade for me… Tonight is full moon and they have special celebrations – I wish the moon had waited 3 more nights for me! I am very excited about Thursday – in fact I can’t wait. I don’t know what I am doing yet because I am learning not to plan though I have been offered to be taken out for dinner but a lovely gentleman!!! One day at time so whatever Thursday brings for me I know it will be the first day of the rest of my life!!! And as am writing this am thinking of my family and friends - who will be reading this – and all the people I have met along the way, the books I’ve read, the teachings I’ve heard, the experiences life has thrown at me– but above all I think of the people - the people of the first 30 years of my life, the people I want to take with me into the next 30 years of my life! Never in my life did I think that I would be far away from the people that have been such an integral part of my life on this day – but even that feels right and ok - because I will be with others that maybe I was meant to be with on this day– not to say I don’t wish I was with you – but rather that you have imparted so much onto me that I grew into this woman who is free, independent and empowered enough to be on her own in this scary world on a day when society dictates that she should be surrounded by people!!!

Dr Who in the land of Surfing, Tatoos and reggae

2009-10-27T05:14:00.019+02:00

I love my pyjama shorts... It took me a whole trip to Bali to realise that I love my pyjama shorts!!! At this point in time I have also decided that I don't really care about spellcheck, or grammar - I am on holiday and so is my brain.

So before I came here I fantasized about how I would have all the time in the world to update my Blog at least once a week cos I fantasized that I would have all the time in the world to do that! Wrong!

So its almost 3 weeks since I got here! A wise lady by the name of Dr Daya once told me - whatever you do, don't come back within the first 3 weeks no matter how difficult they turn out to be!!! Thankfully, I haven't been faced by this yet and at no point have I felt like I wanted to go home - but I think I attribute that to the people I have met along the way that have made the stay so much fun!!!

I was to have gone to the Orphanage last week Saturday but delayed this by a day after I had my arm twisted by an Aussie (Rob)and Dutch (Jelly) to stay one more day in Kuta! It didbn't take much persuasion really! By the evening, we had managedto add to the list, a Kiwi (Mark) and a Pomm (Kate)! I was quite delighted about the Pomm because she was a girl - at long last I met a travelling girl (Lea doesn't count - Lea live here now) so was really nice just to have some girl chat! We walked the streets of Kuta that night, all on a mission to find the night market where we could have some fish (this is what Rob was craving of course). I must say the fish was amazing and well worth the walk! We skipped all the parties in Legian street (cos we were all supposed to be up early the next morning), picked up a German (Mathius) but we did wander about until we decided to head home with the few Bintangs in tow for the boys! In no time we were having a pool party which went on until forever but what a great nite of fun! We discovered that Kate has an underwater camera - much to the delight of the boys! The party went on longer than planned and i only got 3 hours sleep that night as I had wanted to get to the Orphanage as early as possible so I could go with the kids to church - which I did!

Quite a different experience! Most of the service was in Indonesian butthe main sermon was in English, led by an American Minister who has been here since May! I sang along in Indonesian - and they even sang a song I know 'What a friend we have in Jesus' which reminded me that one can be anywhere in the world, speaking different languages - but for those of us who believe, we are connected by our maker in that moment! It was a long service though (probably cos I couldn't understand what they were sayin!). They don't have a proxima or projector so a guy stands in fronts with the words of the songs and holds the words up for all to see - unless singing from the book! It was nice to experience that and I was made to feel welcome! I would have returned this past Sunday but I fell victim to a very late night and could not get out of bed!

My week at the Orphanage was challenging but good! Because I went there sooner than I had planned, I didn't have a programme for the kids and many a time I found myself panicking about what I would do with the children. It has been easier with Shane around - but Shane and I hadsaid our goodbyes on Saturday. He gave me an Indonesian phrasebook and said he knew I would put it to good use! Of course Shane didn't just go without work of further giving - we were having a drink on the Saturday afternoon when 2 kids selling leather anklets kept hounding us - we then decided to invite them to join us for and went on to buy lunch for them and they ate with us. We also invited girl from the local beauty salon who was hanging around trying to get customers to go into their salon! The girl Asi, 21 sat with us and she went on to tell me how beautiful I was, I thanked her. She then asked me if I like my black skin and if I like being black! Asi is Indoseian - I am probably about a shade or 2 than most Indonesians. I looked at Asi and told her that I love myself in the skin that I am but I love everyone else in whatever skin they are in. She then looked at me and told me she doesn't like her skin or being black and that when she looks at the white girls she wishes she was like that. She yanked at my heart as I looked at her and thought of what a beautiful girl she is. But it made sense that she thinks like that. In Indonesia, being white means you have all the money and you have a good life! The locals here are poor and they see how the tourists live and I can only imagine that this is where this wishing comes from! (Actually, I have a whole lot of other thoughts as to why she would say something like this which I have discussed with other people but I don't have time to get into here!) I then looked at Asi and went on to tell her that she needed to learn to love herself as she is and that only then can she love somoene else or be loved back... I told her that she was beautiful and that in fact she was more beautiful than some of those white girls. She thanked me - but the sad thing is that I don't think anything I said to her sank in...

Oh, back to the Orphanage. On Sunday I sat there wondering what I would do the whole week. This was made worse by the fact that I was staying in a room that was like a sauna, had a squat toilet and lets just say was not the best of rooms. But i kept reminding myself that this week was not about luxury but about giving...

I think my biggest learning from the week was that sometimes you just have to be and things happen as they should. Each morning I would stress about what I would do with the kids and at the end of each day I would find myself lying on my bed reflecting on what a truly amazing day day I had had... I had so much fun with the kids - never did I think I would find myself playing soccer in the beautiful skirt Nina bought me for this trip - but when the boy want to play,a nd they want to play now, there is no time to change! I must say I had the most fun with the younger boys. Girls don't like to play - they prefer talking as do the older kids. The younger boys just don't stop! I went to buy the kids a set of monopoly which was a real hit (but you can imagine my dismay when the next morning I asked for the instruction guide cos I wanted to verify something only to be told it was torn and thrown in the bin!) - but we had great fun playing this and in is I saw some hidden talents too. Because money is something that doesn't exist in their world, they loved the monopoly money and would act as if it was real - with that sense of I am rich! But there was also some real hidden mathematical talent there that I discovered!I also bought them a game of chess and snakes and ladders. An elderly couple had visited on Monday and brought along a game of Bingo with them. Lets say that by the time I left, FINGO (as the kids call it) was a real hit!

Of course as only I would manage, I managed to one day get some of the girls gathered and we painted our nails - yes, in my favourite Fizzer Pink colour - and they did some art on it too!!! I even painted one of the boys nails - he wanted to! Even little Siska painted her nails - and by now, me and her were best friends! Such a beautiful child!

Being at the Orphanage also helped my language skills a little - and of course Shane's phrase book. Somehow I got by and now I know a few Indonesian words and phrases!

My experience at the Orhpanage was mind blowing! Those kids have so much to offer and Tracey said to me that Bali was the land of love - and so true for me cos I so fell in love with these little souls and was humbled by how they live. It made me sad to look at them and think that they had never been loved the way I had been loved as a kid - that is so critical and to not have that? There were moments I looked at them and my heart just melted... THey are so easy to love and they are such happy children - yet they don't have the greatest life! their lives is confined to the wall of the orphanage barring the few outings they go on...

For some back ground, the Jodie O'Shea Orphanage was founded by Alison Chester who I have had the opportunity to meet. Alison had been a nurse years back. The night of the Bali bombings in 2002 Alison went to help the victim - Alison looked after Jodie O'Shea in her last remaining hours and later on, she asked for the parent's permission to name the Orhpanage after her. I went to the site of the Bali bombing the other night, at the memorial, and there was Jodie O'shea's name - I wonder if she knows the legacy she has left behind!

While there I also met a girl Maryanne from Australia who had come to visit the Orphanage and brought the kids some ice cream... I have heard many stories but none as horrific as Maryannes. Me and her were chatting when she started telling me her story - he mother abandoned her at 2 days old and she was raised by the old lady Jane next door. At 9 her mum reappeared, to take her but she was subjected to a life of slavery and being a cindrella child. She then ran away. her mother tracked her down again at 14 told her she would love her and wanted her to come home - she did, only to be sold to a Muslim family. At least that's what she thought - until one day apparently the man attempted to what she thought was rape her. She ran to report the man but was told that that was in fact her husband and so he had every right to do that... Anyway, she stayed in this marriage for 5 years - somehow had managed to organise herself to get some contraceptive pills so she would not fall pregnant - the husband even had her sent for tests etc to no avail until he one day found the pills - and so was about to set her alight when neighbours heard the commotion and contacted the police and fire brigade! My goodness - what a story! Her mother apparently tried to contact her again but she was no longer interested, ended up living on the streets of Melbourne until she was taken into a home when she set her life straight. She now owns her own personal training business, works for an NGOs and also works with street children - girls in particular and is a mentor to one! So Orphanages were close to her heart hence she came by!

Being in Bali you wonder why everyone is here!!! Its one of those places where people come for more than just holidays! Some come to clear their minds, others comes for the parties, others come for the girls, others come to figure out life... Others just come. You can't tell by just looking at them. And so I wonder what people think when they look at me - not that it matters, am just curious! Truth is, I don't know why I am here. Ok, so maybe I think I do but truth is I don't think I know. I just knew I had to come here. I knew I needed to take these 3 months out and just go - and Bali happened to be the place! Sometimes I feel lost - but yet feel so right being here!!! Right now I wouldn't want to be anywhere else and be spending this time with anyone else but me (ok, and all the people I meet)... I don't know if I'll ever know why I am here - maybe it was to play doctor to a few friends - Mathias thinks am an angel that was sent with Immodium and buscopan and rehydrat? Maybe it was get crutches (I don't think so), maybe it was to discover how comfortable my pyjama shorts really are, or that I don't actually need to wear make up to feel comfortable in my skin, or maybe it was to save Shane's marraige? I had a call early yesterday morning from Shane wanting to thank me for what I did for him! Through chatting to him, and sometimes asking him uncomfortable questions - because I had known that something wasn't ok, sharing my thoughts, opinion, faith and my perception of life, somehow in all this he found a recipe to save his marriage - and he just wanted to thank me for what I did for him! So if my purposefor this trip was to save the marraige of a tatoo-ed 43 year old Aussie dude - then I have accomplished my task- but what about the next 4 weeks!!!

I left the Orphanage on Friday and came back to Kuta. I think I was looking forward to eating different food. At the Orphanage they eat rice for every meal - with either veggies or tofu or tempe or noodles. You can imagine how this diet excites me such that one day I went to the chemist to get multivitamins as I decided that I was not getting enough. Even the chemist was funny! I got my multivitamins and the lady that was helping me then showed me some vitamins to say it helps with skin and I said no, I don't really care about my skin (ok so I do but you know what I mean). She didn't stop there, she then went on and offered me more vitamins - this time, to make my boobs bigger. I couldn't help but laugh - I mean hadthis woman taken a look at me? But here they will try to sell you everything!

Friday, my friends were also back - Kate and Marc though Kate was under the weather with some stomach bug! We went out breifly and came back and Marc and I chilled in the pool - this time no big pool party - in fact we had invaders! I spent the whole Saturday with Kate - at times nursing her but for the best part just having really great girl conversation which I had been lacking... That evening Mathius returned and we went for dinner before Kate flew out! Mathius and I had a silly evening. Mathius is a little like me - silly and he is the only person who sounds like he is constantly laughing when he talks! We found a busy street, sat on a set of stairs and decided to 'people watch for a while' - we made up all sorts of stories about the people that walked past! And then we eventually gave into going to the party street!!! This is why I wasn't able to wake up early the next day!!! The funny thing is that the next day Mathius was sick and I had to play nurse. THis was after I played nurse on Saturday to Kate. So far everyone of the group has had a stomach bug barring me - and surely I can't be the one with the toughest stomach? I am dishin out my meds to everyone - I o nly hope I will have some left for me should I get sick... I have officially become the travelling Doctor!!! I was attacked by a cold yesterday - still fighting it today - and yes, good old Corenza C is with me - it is no fun getting a hint of an illness in this heat and humidity!!! One thing I can say for sure is that I am so over my OCD and so over germs - here you have no choice but to sometimes eat with dirty hands - or eat that very thing you saw a fly flying away from!!! Who would have thought!!! Thought that said, teh Balinese people are so clean and sweep their floors like every 5 minutes or so! Eish!!!

For someone who doesn't sweet stuff, I must confess that I have taken to treating to myself to Ice Cream - Cornetto in particular which I have never liked before- well not everyday but when I feel like it! Yesterday I felt a cold coming on so I thought I deserved an ice cream - ice cream makes everything better doesn't it?. The other day I just felt so happy and I felt that happiness needs to be accompanied by ice cream - so I bought one! And strangely enough, I have decided to scout the best pineapple pancakes in Bali so guess what I have for breakfast? And don't ask me why pineapples!

I haven't gotten homesick yet and not missing anything as yet though I look forward to a February back in CT where the sun is up late enough so that after work I can still go to the beach. I think the one thing I do miss is being able to go for a long run! Having had to rest my ankle for 2 weeks my body is so exercise deprived that I am so craving some endurance activities - I have a hike and mountain bike expedition lined up but they can't come soon enough.

I have decided that I am changing my approach to being in Bali now! I don't want toi live like a tourist and don't want to be treated like one so I have decided that when people ask me any of those basic questions, I will tell them that I live in Bali and that am a writer... And then one day I will just disappear... Maybe I can score some bargains by claiming to be a local too!

Back to my pyjama shorts - I wore them on Saturday night to the trendiest club in town and had the best time! I could live in my pyjama shorts forever! They are so comfy... We've just been for a walk on the beach and i have come to the conclusion that if there is oen thing I can't live without - its my pyjama shorts - go figure!!!

If you wanna make God laugh, plan your life...

2009-10-16T13:30:00.021+02:00

Whoever said this couldn't have been more correct!!! I am living evidence that on Sunday evening I made God laugh so much He was probably in stitches!
Last time I updated my blog which was last Sunday I had some really exciting plans for the week. I was to start living my life as resident as opposed to a tourist... So yes, I did get up at 6am on Monday to go for my run which was glorious except for the fact that I felt like I was on fire and was struggling to breathe... Eish... But I made it and dripped all the way back to my room...

And then late morning I went surfing with Anang and that was really great and I loved every minute of it! The water was delicious - ok, salty too but I couldn't have asked for better!!! Because I have always wanted to surf since I was about 13, one of my goals on this trip was to really spend alot of time surfing and playing in the water...
I chilled afterwards and had lunch, tried to squeeze in a quick nap before Lea popped around but by the time I woke up my life was to have taken a turn... Lea arrived and I was in agony... For some unbeknown reason, my left ankle ceased and I couldn't walk. The pain was so excruciating I almost fainted - not even 2 myprodols could cure this (remind me to tell you about my paramedic duties too). I spent the afternoon trying to massage my ankle to no avail - I was doomed. Eventually I decided that I needed to get to a hospital. First person I contacted was Justus, see, Justus is someone who is a local but from the 1st world, and when it comes to medical issues you wanna deal with the best. I sent a text message but in the interim found out that that there was a hospital close to where I am living. I couldn't walk there so I got a ride on the scooter. As I was filling in the forms Justus phoned me and told me he would rather take me to the Bali International Medical Centre - an Australian run Medical Institute set up after the Bali bombings... Considering that the last time we saw each other was at the airport when we just arrived, this was some way to meet - but he was a real star. I had a silent-but-sympathetic chuckle as I walked into the hospital seeing a band of tourists who had done something to themselves that was not part of their original plan of the holiday - after all, I was one of them right... And the best part is that everyone arrives in their beachwear!!!
I was still not sure what had triggered my ankle. I had ran fine, I had surfed fine... If anything it should have been my calf that went... Anyway, I was seen to by a lovely Doctor, taken to the x-ray room on a wheelchair and lets say that by the time I left, my ankle was heavily bandaged and I was on crutches. Try riding on a scooter as a passanger with crutches. I perfected this in no time... Well when I left the hospital the Doc wasn't able to confirm anything but it was either sprained ligaments, cracked something or slight chances of a fracture. The crutches were merely just so that I wouldn't put pressure on my ankle and the bandage to keep it all stable. By now the pain had subsided and Justus and I went to grab a bite. I had to learn to walk with crutches... After that went to join friends. I was told to rest the leg for 3 days before walking on it again and then another week before I could surf or run again. The amazing thing was that when all this happened, I didn't get upset - I simply shrugged my shoulders and thought to myself that there is a very good reason behind this - and besides, i would still have 6 weeks left in Bali!
Now what happened next is the part that that led to my subject line... Remember that my plan was to surf this whole week...
Part of this trip was also that I wanted to give back - and I thought since I knew the Balinese people would impart so much on to me in the 7 weeks I was here, the least I could do was give back. So while planning my trip I got in touch with a few Orphanages that I wanted to come to do some voluntary work for - among them the Jodie O'Shea Orphanage - Jodie O'Shea was a young lady killed in the Bali Bombings of 2002. I had been in touch with the staff members here about possibly working here but hadn't confirmed the dates though I had wanted it to be from 09 November onwards. My plan was that I would have fun first then go and do charitable work. My plan. I nformed the orphanage of my intended dates but we were to keep liaising while am here.
So Monday night I go out crutches and all and chilling with my new friends when this rathere interesting Aussie plonks himself at our table. Apparently one of the guys from the bar roped him inside and it was never his plan to stop by. His name is Shane. Shane is not the type of guy I would even give 2 seconds to but when travelling, you really do open yourself up to new adventures even if its talking to heavily tatoo-ed, rough looking guys who plonk themselves at yor table (by the way, Shane and I have got on to be friends and I told him in all honesty that normally I wouldn't talk to people like him). As I was chatting to Shane I was telling him of my plans and how the injuryhad now got in the way and then I went on to tell him that I was planning on going to work at a childrens Orhpanage later on but due to this injury and the fact that I had to rest my leg for 2 weeks, I thought of bringing my days forward and going to the orphange now while I recover. Shane told me he was here to work at Orphanage too - that he comes to Bali alot but all he does is get drunk and pick up women but this time round he had come to do something different and so had devoted his whole time to working with kids. Call it a coincidence or what you may but my faith leads me to think otherwise - Shane told me that he was doing work at the Jodie O'Shea Home... And when I told him that that's where I was planning on going we were both totally speechless! And then it gets better. One of the volunteers left rather abruptly that very day and they needed someone... So this was it. We agreed that Shane would pick me up on Tuesday morning and that we'd go through to the home together...
I am led to believe that this is more than just a coincidence. Shane was driving past the pub when one of the band members waved him in and he just thought why not. I was in the process of re-arranging my plans so I could go to the Orhpanage while I allow my foot to rest. I took a chance and had a conversation with Shane. A volunteer left abruptly that day... Was this not just how it was meant to be? I think so... You literally had to be there in that moment to just get this... And you know what else, the night I met Shane was 12 October - it was 7 years to the day that the Bali Bombings took place...
So the past few days have been spent at the Orphanage. My heart was sold in the first few minutes I walked in there - the children are so beautiful and so mannered. Its so easy to fall in love with them - and I have. They range from 2 to about 16, there are 44 of them. I have loved everyday that I have been there and really looking forward to the next week with them. On the first day I was roped into activities and found myself teaching them one of my favourite childhood song - If I were a butterfly. Despite the fact that singing is not my forte, they need volunteers for different activities and this was mine. The next day the careers printed words of another song and asked me to help her teach it - the song 'Onde day at a time' - and I though how true to me - if anything, this trip is really teaching me to take one day at a time... I will be moving to the Orphanage tomorrow and spend a week there. The carers are also really wonderful ladies. On Sunday I will be going to church with the Kids - apparently they go to a Protestant church with an American Pastor. What's also interesting is that one of the carers, Jen is a Presybetrian Minister - I was like - wow - you hardly ever find Presbyterians when travelling around and here is one! She has invited me t o join her for a service too in Bahasa (the language) and I will go for the experience.
I have fallen in love with a little girl at the Orphanage by the name of Siska - she is just too beautiful - but a real princess at that who plays really hard to get. It took a day or 2 for the kids to warm up to me - as I have come to understand child psychology - but the older girls have really taken on to me - after all, I am this young lady that wears pink nail polish, has according to them funky hair and I know the music they list to... By the 3rd day the kids were latching onto me and while Shane was saying goodbye, I think they were relieved when I told them I would be back on Sabta - Saturday! Shane was really good with the boys - he was on a personal journey that led him to this place and we have chatted about a few things and as I said bye to Shane this evening, I wished him well and trust that he found the answer that hew was looking for. He was brought onto my path for a reason, but I also know that I have imparted something on to him that made an impact on his life...
So tomorrow I will be back with the kids and staying with them for a week, leaving the buzz and party life that is Kuta! I feel like I will be missing out on a lot and it feels like its a great sacrifice especially when you are meeting so many nice people you wanna hang out with - but I need to do it - its what I want to do!
Other than that, other things also happening! I didn't make it to the Temple on Wed due to the crutches and I was a little disappointed but I still experienced the festivities of Galungan. the locals dress so beautifully and the streets are decorated with lots of bamboo weaving in bright colours... Some shops were closed and everyone was talking about 'the ceremony'. Bali is lovely - there are temples all over, if not that, shrines and everymorning you will see people making sacrifices to the shrines to keep away the evil spirits... Next Saturday marks the end of this time and there will be another ceremony which hopefully I will be able to make - though I know better than not to be set 100% on my plans!!!

For those of you want to know - Trace, Shay - my face has not seen a drop of make up at all and its not longing for it. I have learnt to be comfortable in my skin. I also think wearing foundation in this humidity would just be torture, or I would have brown drip drops on my clothes! In fact I don't even know where my foundation is, and it can stay wherever it is! I was writing about it in my journal and how I am just loving the freedom of being here - I don't wear a watch - I have no concept of dates or time and in fact have to refer to my phone twice or 3 times a day to check what day it is. I love. I love the fact that I live in short every single day and that I can go on a date in shorts, no make up and flip flops... I could live this life forever. And to have people think you are beautiful even without makeup - aaaah, just what a girl needs! Oh, to add onto that, the attention has diminished - in fact its getting worse. Today I had some Aussie walk up to me and ask me as if he knows me if my foot is better. I was like, yes thanks. He went on to tell me how he saw me last week and then saw me with crutches and was glad to see I was ok and and and. Justus and I were discussing last night that no matter how much I try to run away from it its not going to go away... The locals have come to know me - I answer to all sorts of name - Komang, Maria, Maya, Marie - anything as long as it sound like that. But sometimes this also just makes it feel like home. You will be walking along and someone just shouts 'Komang' or 'Maya'... When I walk I stop several times to chat to some familiar faces that I guess are now friends... I love it here - and yes, the thought of packing up my life and moving here has crossed my mind - just crossed, not yet settled! Oh, I have gotten used to the cold water too - its so hot that having a cold shower is actually quite refreshing!!! And the fan does a pretty good job too!
So, my first aid kit came in handy too... Monday night going home I asked Lea to drop me off at a shop as I had the munchies - this was like 1 am... In the shop I see 2 guys looking desperate - one had lots of grazes and they were looking for antiseptic ointment. Shop didn't have... And as only I would do again while travelling and only in a place like Bali, I told the guys to follow me and made them wait at the hostel reception while I went to get my first aid kids! Who would have thought. Of course I whipped out the alcohol wipes and the antibiotic ointment, some gauze, and gave to them. I was asked if I was a Doctor and I had to laugh cos with the amount of medication I came with, one would be forgiven for thinking I am a Doctor... As it turns out, it was Fiji rugby player and team Doctor who were here for the Rugby 10s... Well that was my bit for charity - maybe I brought my first aid kid for others not me, though by my incident on Monday, who knows what else could happen!!!
That said, I am breaking all the health rules - but I can either obey all the health rules and not experience the real life here and just be another tourist. I had my first meal from a Warung yesterday - the little set ups on the side of the road - i don't know what I was eating but I chose all the things that looked like vegetable - and it was good. No diarrhoea... Last nite Justus and I went to grab a bite to celebrate the fact that I could walk again and then afterwards he took me to a place where we got some fresh fruit take away. As we eating it I looked at him after I had taken a bite of my unpeeled starfruit (everything else was) and asked him if he thought I would get sick if I ate the peel - his answer was a simple - you can get diarrhoea from anything and if you gonna be here for 6 weeks you need to build up your immune system... so far so good but like I said, I have a killer medical pack which has immodium and buscopan or however you spell it.
And then today was exciting - Mel, thought of you (you said you are following my blog religiously). Today I went to a Medicine Man in Cangcu... How this came to be was that one of the ladies at the Orphanage mentioned it when I saw my foot. From the moment she mentioned going to a Medicine Man, I was sold - not because I believe in it, but because I though how often does one get to go to Bali and get to see a Medicine Man??? Eat-Pray-Love fanatics, I just had to!!! So I went today, though my pain on my ankle is gone and I am actually fine. I couldn't wait. It was a different experience to what I expected. I imagined an old man living in a dilapidated house in the bundus but much to my surprise this medicine man lives in a mansion... He is a Hindu Leader. He was, as everyone els, totally amused by my hair and we had to spend a few minutes talking about my hair first... To cut the story short, went into this little shrine like room, I kept looking at Cecilia outside and the medicine man kept telling me to relax! he asked me to stare at his forehead which I did, he touched my ankle (I think it was supposed to be healed immediately) and then later made me sit opposite him again and look at his forehead upon which he told me he could see my heart - it was in good condition, my lungs are in good condition, my liver is in good condition and my intenstine are in good condition - am just not sure why he thought something was wrong with my stomach though. Following this I had to go into the house and his wife cooked up some potion that I had to drink - I was to have finished it but it was not nice so I drank half of it and acted like I didn't know I had to finish it all! I think that stuff works for people who believe in it, but, be it that I was exploiting or taking advantage of the situation, I was there purely for the experience - I didn't need healing - but I can cross that off my list now - been to a medicine man!!!

So I reckon my body is still adjusting. I find myself wide awake at 2 am in the morning and while this is good for the nights that I am out, its not good for daily activities... I was bragging about this initially until I realised that actually I am still functioning on SA time...
I also don't know what's going on in the world and I guess am ok with that too!!! Haven't heard any news whatsoever!!!

So my trip is starting to take shape albeit in a way I didn't plan - but this is actually better. I now know that the week I was to have gone to the Orphanage will also have something totally unplanned for - and just like the lyrics of the song 'one day at a time, sweet Jesus that all I ask of you... Lord for my sake, teach me to take, one day at a time' .I am learning to take one day at a time - and one thing I know for sure is that each person I am meeting is being brought my way for a reason. I have consciously decided that I am not here to party it up - easy to do that here, meet lots of people that way, but what am finding is that the people I meet as I go about doing my own thing are the people who are definitely feeding my soul...

Ps... I have come to the conclusion that I am the only person in Bali - local or tourist, who doesn't have a tatoo... But am ok with that!!!
Pps... Happy Birthday to my Brother!!!

My fear is my only courage...

2009-10-11T14:41:00.010+02:00

Well… So I am finally living in the life that is Bali!!! My little dream came to realization as I landed on Thursday evening at sunset here in Bali. I immediately knew I would love it! Perhaps even the landing itself was spectacular. Bali’s airport is situated right next to the ocean – so you are forgiven for thinking that the plane is about to land on water!!!

So Wednesday morning I was up at the crack of dawn – and only dad’s in their awesomeness are up and ready to take their daughters to the airport at 4am. At this point I was still asking why I was going on this trip – an answer I still don’t have just that I know that somewhere along the journey of life Bali fell into my plans and here I am…
For those of you wondering – yes, I was able to collect my bank cards at the Bank at OR Tambo airport (I had realized only with one week to go that my bank cards would expire at the end of October whilst still travelling– but thank goodness for efficient and wonderful bank managers that make a plan for you!). My friend Preeya was on her return trip from New York and we managed to meet (through bars) very briefly – I had alreadu gone through immigration when she came through so they wouldn’t let me out!
And then the actual journey! From JHB to Qatar, I was seated next to Ali! Ali took no time introducing himself to me, telling me he was from Pakistan but does business in Pretoria. Ali had 5 phones – which he didn’t switch of – in fact he made a call while the plane was taxing ready to take off upon which I (jokingly but not) asked him to please turn it off. We had by this time become acquainted. Ali again switched his phone on in midair but thankfully one of the attendants saw him. You can now imagine the thoughts going through my head as influenced by social stereotypes as it is. This wasn’t helped by the fact that his behaviour was suspicious – very fidgety and kept looking in his pocket… He would prop himself up and scan the cabin… And I wondered if (only as I would in my state of paranoia) I was sitting to some sort of terrorist! What consoled me though and convinced me that Ali wasn’t what I thought he could have been was that as he introduced himself to me, in the same breath, he asked me if I drink champagne and if I would have some champagne during the flight. (My curiosity got the better of me upon which I asked if he was Muslim given the name and Pakistan – he was quick to say yes, but he drink and if I have any Muslim friends to set him up with I mustn’t tell them that he drinks!). I declined the offer – but he made it clear that he likes his drink. In fact, later on I would almost fall victim to his trying to get me to get more alcohol on his behalf – I was instructed to ask for a drink and pretend it was for me (namely whisky) and then he would have it. I didn’t agree nor decline but when the stewards came I simply acted like I had forgotten and ordered my own thing. In fact once he ordered for ‘me’ but I was quick to tell the steward I just wanted water. The said Ali had a drink at least once per hour. Oh, how could I forget. Ali was also a BAD case of halitosis. Man, I have never experienced anything like that before. I wanted to spew. And you can imagine that later it was a combination of halitosis and whisky – deathly. Needless to say, I was very happy to part with Ali when we got to Qatar!
My first frustration in Qatar was that Vodacom failed me – my sms roaming that was to have been activated failed… Oh well. A few phone calls back home then. And of course duty free shopping at Qatar is always fun (though you have no space when you are going back packing)…

I met my first friend on the flight from Qatar to Bali (which stopped over in Malaysia and made me rethink my decision not to go to Malaysia – its so beautiful and green, so I may actually make my way there… My friend’s name is Justus – and yes, you guess its, Ze German! He lives in Bali though so he was able to give me tips on life in Bali and the people in Bali! He told me about the girls who hang around waiting for rich tourists to spoil them etc – and true to it, I experienced it yesterday – pretty girl sitting close to me with a guy that was clearly foreign. When he went for a surf we struck a conversation. I knew what kind of girl she was but I wanted to chat to her about Bali – cos that’s why am here, to learn about the culture. I couldn’t resist but ask her what she does for a living upon which she told me - nothing. Her Australian boyfriend (who lives in Oz provides for her) but they had broken up the day before – she went on to tell me how he bought her a camera, laptop, ipod etc… There is a little hint of sadness in me with regards to this aspect of Bali – as this is quite common here – and makes me wonder if tourists are exploiting! Anyway, I was talking about Justus – he was almost arrested at the airport as he didn’t have a visa - that was the last I saw him but we have been in touch!
The airport was hassle free – much to my surprise! I had been in 2 minds about declaring the dried fruit that my dear friends had made sure I had with me as a comfort food (dried fruit is to me what chocolate is to most people). Anyway, I didn’t declare my dried fruit.
I was so happy to see my backpack waiting for me. Why you wonder. Backpack and I had parted on Wed morning. As I checked in I was asked if I wanted my backpack to be checked right through – without think I was like ‘Yes’ and within 10 mins regretted that decision. How many stories have I heard of bag going missing? What were my chances of getting my backpack after passing through 2 different airlines and 3 countries!!! But there she was and I must have grabbed it with such passion the policedude came to ask me if it was mine…
The driver from the hostel am staying at was there waiting for me after I had managed to change some money – as soon as you walk out of customs you are greeted by at least 10 money changers – I went to the little lady whose smile appealed to me the most… As it turns out, all of them have the same rate and there are no differentiating perks as to why you should use the other. What was interesting though is that you get a better rate if you change a $100 bill as opposed to changing 2 $50 bills – despite the fact that they both amount to $100.

Whilst waiting for 2 other guests also being picked up by the same driver I decided to go and buy a sim card… And in the process of doing this, I made 3 more friends – from Singapore – Deena, Mumuw and Ida! They are just here for the weekend but have made me promise I will get in touch when I get to Singapore…
When the 2 guests arrived, they also turned out to be backpackers – 2 guys, one from Portugal and the other from Spain. By the time we go to the hostel we were already friends and have been hanging out since then though yesterday I decided that I need to move away from them as they were stealing my holiday and I needed to make other friends too not jus them. So I haven’t seen them today.
Friday we just walked around trying to get a feel of what Bali is all about. For those of you who’ve been here, I am in Kuta. Kuta buzzes 24/7 – its incredible. Its packed with tourist – but that said, I can’t help but notice that I stick out like a sore thumb. Most of the tourists are of the fairer kind. In fact yesterday some guy was trying to sell me something and to get me to buy he said ‘you, like me have brown skin so I give you special price not like white’… But that’s not only it. My hair has become a hit with the Balinese people. I can not walk more than 200m without people telling me my hair is beautiful. In fact people come to me asking me if they can touch it – and I do. Today I was called Beyonce and I embraced it!!! Of course this also means that people don’t forget me and it was no surprise today when I was in a shop and someone outside called out my name (even if not the correct version of my name – people here struggle with my name). The Irony of it all is that while I thought I was coming to a land of exotic people, I have turned out to be the exotic one to them. I have decided that people in Bali don’t know where Malawi is so I tell them am from South Africa upon which the talk of World Cup soccer starts!
Balinese people are BEAUTIFUL. Inside and most specially outside…(Ok, they are most specially beautiful inside too). You would think that with all the tourism here the people would speak English but most don’t even know the basic which can be tricky at time – but sign language is great.
I have made a conscious decision that while I am surrounded by the gazillions of Australians, New Zealanders and Europeans, I am in Bali and want to learn about the Balinese culture so I am consciously trying not to befriend every tourist I meet but rather get to know the locals more! There is also a mix of Indonesians here so my assumption of everyone being Balinese was wrong and I learnt it quickly. There are people here from Java, Papau and lots of the other smaller Indonesian islands – which also means they all speak different languages!

I have been given a new name – the tradional Balinese give their children names according to the order in which they were born; I can’t remember first and second born, but third Born is called Komang and 4th (which is the last name) is Ketut. I am now know as Komang Mo and am loving it!

Its easy to fall in love with Balinese people and I am afraid that the longer I stay here the more this might happen. The children are gorgeous. My biggest challenge here is going to be whether I will finally get a scooter or not. There are no rules on the roads here and its chaos but everyone is on their scooter. I had my first scooter ride going out last nite – what fun though.

So haven’t been up to much yet. Up until now I have been in holiday mode sleeping in late and just sussing out where everything is. Friday night we went out and I was tired.
Last nite was interesting though. I had decided that I was tired and wouldn’t go out. Went to the local eatery where they were also showing a movie but I was falling asleep. So went home, went to sit outside. The hostel am staying at has a restarurant/bar that plays reggae every night. So rather impulsively, I changed tops kept my pyjama shorts (I have been wearing pyjama shorts even during the day, no one knows they are pyjamas and in fact am convinced I’ve seen other people wearing theirs too. I (rather Tracey and Care) didn’t pack enough shorts for me and its too hot here nothing else will do… So off I went to the restaurant (Called Cannaviez) in my PJs. I sat there alone enjoying the music, an aussie crowd arrived and during the break the band members came to chat to me… Later, a lovely bouncy girl by the name of Lea arrived – turns out she is a regular and knows the band members. She is from France and also here alone. The band members had invited me to join them later at a local hangout which I wanted to but being cautious I was hesitant. All that changed when Lea arrived. Lea and I hit it off immediately and we went out later (still in my PJs - I promise no one here cares, in fact I wish I had brought more!
Today was my last chilled day – I had all good intentions to go find a church – found out there is a protestant church but not sure where exactly. I am now snapping out of holiday mode and going to start living the Balinese life. From tomorrow am going for Surfing lessons with Anang. Tomorrow I will also start running and doing everything else that is not necessarily holiday stuff. I have also downgraded my room. I pay $7 less but that means I have lost the much needed air con which has been replaced by a fan and no more hot water- just cold cold cold! I already each Balinese food, my favourite being Gad-Gado – steamed veg with peanut satay sauce – delicious beyond life!
I decided that I would rather create business for the locals here than go to the Billabong school – and boy can these guys surf. Each opportunity I get to tap into the Balinese people I do so today whilst one of the shops a lady was weaving something and I saw lots of other ladies earlier also doing so. Asked what it was for – anyway, turns out it’s the Hindu ‘Christmas’ (they call it something different not like in SA) from Wed till Friday. So I asked what they do and one of the things they do is go to the temple. I asked if it would be possible for me to go so on Wed morning I will be embracing the Balinese culture by going to the temple! I can’t wait!!!

Last nite sitting at the restaurant listening to the band play, they sang ‘No woman no cry’. While I have always known the lyrics, never have those lyrics hit home as they did last nite at the part where it says, ‘My fear is my only courage’ – because in that moment I realized that my fear was my only courage… I had been scared to go to restaurant and sit and listen to the music alone – just because its not ‘normal’ – but my moment of courage came in that moment when I decided I would go – especially in my pyjamas – and how wonderful last nite turned out as I met Lea! But I also realized that in a way, this trip was that – though I was excited am not sure that many of you knew I was also chicken scared… I am hoping that this journey will turn my fears into courage – its already happening and am embracing it!!!
In the end I got up on stage – and sang – Redemption Song!!!

2 more sleeps... and my iPod is blank!!!

2009-10-05T22:19:00.002+02:00

2 nights to go... I thought this was supposed to be a relaxing time but its quite the contrary... Fisrt I discover that my bank cards will expire at the end of October - the joys and my wonderful bank manager who always makes banking a wonderful experience is trying to produce a miracle for me... Strangely I remain calm - as it is, I am hoping my cards will miraculously be waiting for me at the airport... Then decided to take the other alternative - which I only decided today - only to find out that I need certain documents to be FICA-ed - any person living in SA will know what a nightmare this is - and so now I have to produce a miracle. I hope I can... I think am half way there - I will find out tomorrow. And this has to be the cherry on top. Spent the past week loading music onto laptop so I could update my iPod and tonight being d-day, or is it d-night, I decide that I must sync - upon which my iPod - or perhaps the laptop decide to malfunction. So not only do I not have my updated music on my iPod, I don't have ANYTHING on my iPod and am not going to stress myself out trying to come up with plan me - Moo don't like stress so I can go on holiday without my iPod. Besides, that will mean I get to chat with more people instead of hiding behind my iPod. 3 months without my music... Me without my music... That will be one big test that I will have to pass...

Anyway, so I stopped work a week before I leave thinking this left me with enough time! Boy was I wrong. So wrong its not funny. I literally have not stopped in the past week. I am exhausted but I came to the realisation that I will only stop when I get on the plane - cos I will have no choice... But that said, recent events have also made the trip so real... I have had a few send offs that have been very dear to my heart. Friday saw the gathering of family and friends at Peddlars to say au revoir... Saturday morning I woke up with not voice, though I made it come back in no time - it was Tracey's 30th and I had to be 100%... This loss of voice has led to a nagging cough which I don't need now... Sunday I spent time with family playing in the garden and posing silly-ly in the garden - but what fun! And tonight I have just come back from dinner with dad which was really special - he's wonderful and I must admit I am a little anxious at the thought of leaving him behind but he has turned around and he is giving me so much ooompf for my trip!

I just want to go now - ok, now am really getting anxious about not having music on my i-pod - how will I survive without music for 3 months - though as history would have it, I usually end up not listening to music when am holiday cos there is always something to do! Music is only for those long haul flights! Wait, I have just come up with a plan... Lets hope this one works... I think it will work!!! Am genius in the making if this works!!!
Tomorrow is my last day... I don't think it has actually quite hit me yet... Mmm... I still keep thinking, so what am I going to do on Friday morning when I wake up???

With only a week to call - Mother nature makes the call...

2009-10-01T22:14:00.000+02:00

Time has a way of sneaking up on you! In January I bought my ticket and it was 9 months away… And now am sitting here with just 6 days to go and feeling rather overwhelmed at how quickly it all can happen… Yup, am on my way. Am a wonderful concoction of excitement – and nervousness… What with mother nature deep in control in South Asia – earthquakes, tsunamis and now the threat of volcanoes. I am faced with lots of questions about whether I should still go – by other people and sometimes by myself – and my answer is a resounding yes. There is a reason am going there and so I must go… That part of the world is well known for its seismic activity - thank goodness I paid attention in Geography – its expected. People live there so why should I not go. Of course fear grips me and in those moments I become me-focused – what will happen to me should mother nature strike. I shared my fears with a few friends when one looked at me and said ‘how do you know you are not going there to help victims of natural disasters’ then 2 other people, out of the blues pretty much said the same thing. How awesome though to be other-focused but to go into the world and serve others… Could it possibly be? The truth is, I am just hoping that all this will be over and done with by the time I get there…

The psychosomatic symptoms have kicked in. As if my back and shoulders know of the 3 months in which they will be the bearers of the backpack, the start acting funny… I know they are both fine – I could swear they have brains of their own that have someone registered this. It’s like a dog who know sees its owner picking up a leash – in that moment the dog knows its time for a walk and gets excite… My shoulders on the other hand – I started packing my backpack, they saw this and decided otherwise… But we are going. Last Saturday I packed the backpack –w ell, prelim packing. I also sewed the Malawi flag on it. It was fitting that 1) since Malawi is home and 2) since Malawi was backpacks first trip that I put the flag there. I was at the airport with a few Kwacha’s left – and you know how you always want to get rid of the last few money - when I stumbled upon the flag!

Packing the backpack itself turned to be special; Almost every 3rd thing I put in there was something that was given to me by someone special to take with me on the trip, the scarf-cum-sarong that will be like my blankey, the cow bedroom slippers(yes, am taking bedroom slippers), the skirt, the cute pink dress, the kikoi, the CT T-shirt, the dried fruit and so many other things given to me by people that will keep me feeling at home; Perhaps what far outweighs everything – and this has no sentimental value is all the Mozzie stuff – the repellents, the sprays, the patches, the zapper. I am afraid of mosquitoes. That, Malaria and Japanese B encephalitis…And then today happened – I went to the chemist and pretty much bought half the chemist – ok, maybe not… But geez, I could pass as a travelling chemist… Well, I have diarrhoea is a guarantee (if I knew the exact date I would actually schedule it in my diary in advance)… Then the anti malarias, the antibiotics, the anti-biotic crème, the anti histamine… Yup, still hoping to go in at 12 – 15kilos with all this. I think I have more medical stuff than clothes…

I had the girls over on Tuesday night – what a laugh. You should have seen the disbelief on their faces at my backpack when I pointed out that this is my life for 3 months… Then it was time to put on a fashion show. One of the items I had to put on was my ‘hot’ outfit… This is the above said cute pink dress, and what I termed my going out shoes. The look on Tracey’s face was priceless when she saw shoes – they are my outdoors thongs – I love them – but in no ordinary life would they ever be going out shoes. They are outdoors shoes… But yup, this trip is about the basics…

I arrive on Thursday evening. I somehow seem to skip the Thursday evening and jump straight to Friday morning. What will it be like waking up in this new place? When I walk out the door – which way will I turn? Left or right?

This is one of the best times in my life – preparing for this trip; September was crazy trying to catch up with everyone before I left. But it was also so incredibly rewarding – I got many words of encouragement from many people, many inspirational things. And what was really surprising was also to hear how I, in going on this trip have inspired many people… But perhaps the best description is courtesy of Bridget who in all her lovingness described me as stupidly brave! I think that was fitting!!!
So this is it – the final count down. I often start talking about things and people often things they will never come to fruition – perhaps cos am such a dreamer… I dreamt this one up too and its happening. Small dreams become big…
I am taking a giant leap of Faith… My faith is an integral part of who I am and I can only trust that this is part of God’s plan for my life and it will unfold as its supposed to… His endless mercies follow me, and His goodness will lead me back home to Africa when my time there is done...